No One
No One
By: The Zeppo
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Rating: PG Angst (as usual)
Feedback: Please!!! Gimme!
Disclaimer: Not mine, blah blah, Joss Whedon¹s, blah, blahand so forth
Spoilers: Up to Buffy season 4 and Angel season 1
Summary: What if Buffy did decide to send a note with Oz when he went to deliver the Gem of Amarra to Angel? Angel¹s POV
Author¹s Note: The quotes at the beginning are taken directly out of the episode, “In the Dark”
When I take the gem and the note from Oz¹s hand, the gem is immediately forgotten. I convince Doyle to leave talk of the Gem of Amarra alone for a while, and he soon leaves with Cordy and a reluctant Oz.
“Okay, you have it your way man, but I¹m still going to celebrate with a drink down at the pub,” Doyle says as he begins to leave the room and enter the elevator shaft. Cordelia, as always, puts in her two cents.
“He¹d celebrate the opening of a mail box with a drink down at the pub,” she says with a smile. She follows Doyle out and calls back to Oz. “You coming Oz?”
“Yeah, I could eat,” he says quietly.
“Go ahead,” I quickly say to Oz, assuring him that I¹m perfectly content to be left alone with my thoughts and the note from my beloved. He realizes I¹m eager to read it, and so he soon follows the others for a bite to eat.
I sit down at my desk and place the letter on its surface. I stare at it for a few minutes, now beginning to debate whether I even want to read it and open up old wounds.
Not that the wounds are old yet.
The writing on the envelope has my name written on it in Buffy¹s beautiful handwriting. I know I¹m going to read the letter sooner or later, so I decide to save myself some time and get it over with. I¹m afraid of what she¹ll say, though. Will she write of her feelings of betrayal, how she thought that I would always be by her side, and instead I shattered her heart into a million pieces? Or will she write of her love? At the moment, I¹m not sure which would hurt worse.
I rip open the envelope with a letter opener on my desk and pull out the note. It¹s folded in three sections, and I swear, if it could, my heart would beat faster as I unfold each.
I inhale an unnecessary breath, and begin:
My Dearest Angel,
I was debating sending a note along with Oz for a really long time, and ultimately realized I had no choice in the matter. Not being able to talk to you, or see you, is killing me slowly.
I¹m sorry if what I¹m about to say will hurt you, but I feel there are a lot of things that were left unsaid when you vanished on Graduation Day.
First of all, I wish you would¹ve said goodbye. I don¹t care how hard it would¹ve been, I think I needed that. If you want me to move on with my life, which I¹m trying to do, I need some form of closure. Don¹t get me wrong, I¹m not writing this letter to say goodbye to you, I don¹t think I¹ll ever be able to say goodbye to you. But the way you left, I never got to tell youa lot of things. I wanted to tell you, for what may have been the last time, that I love you, that I will always love you.
I admit, for a little while I felt betrayed, and I¹m sure I let that be known to you in a couple of the conversations we had. But when I finally grew up, I admitted to myself that you really were trying to do what was best for me. And even though I don¹t agree with your decision, I will still be eternally grateful to you.
We weren¹t just a regular couple. And I don¹t just mean that in the obvious way. I don¹t mean because you¹re a vampire and I¹m a slayer. It was never about that to me. To me, you were a man. A man that I loved, and when I was with you, I was just a regular girl. And you made me feel like a woman. We weren¹t just a regular couple because I truly believe we were more in love with eachother than was actually possible. No one on this planet could possibly understand our connection, a connection that was so much more than skin deep.
I¹ve said it before, and I¹ll say it again. I love you. Please, never, ever forget that. The knowledge that you love me as well will no doubt be getting me through some tough times in my life. I¹ll wish that you were here to help me get through them, but I¹ll take what I can get.
I need you to know one last thing. If I do obey your wishes, and get on with my life, you need to no that no one can take your place in my heart. No one.
It wouldn¹t be possible.
Your love forever,
Buffy
And as I read the last of the letter, I say her name quietly to myself. A lone tear slides down my cheek, and onto the paper.
FINIS