The Grand Pubah's Crystal Balls: A Look into the Future

Buffy and Spike will get together again. It’ll be as annoying as the first time, except with less attempted rape and dumpsters. There will be a lot of crying.

Willow and Kennedy will hook up. The Tara fans will be outraged and continue to sit at home eating nachos and petting their cats; wishing she was around to sign their “my little pony” dolls.

Xander will save the world again. This time with comic books and Babylon 5 commemorative plates.

Anya will go back to vengence and then back to human, then back to vengence, then to human again. She’ll get dizzy, collapse and die at the end of the season.

We’ll find out that Giles is alive and that he’s actually the real Giles. It’s just that he didn’t want to touch Buffy, knowing about the whole dumpster sex thing.

Finally the truth comes out: Principal Wood is actually made of wood.

We will get totally confused by the “potential slayers” mythology, and wonder what the hell happened to the “she alone will stand against the vampires, demons and the forces of darkness” bit.

The First Evil will turn out to be Martha Stewart. David Letterman will make a guest appearance to say, “I told you so.”

Marti Noxon will stop taking people’s shirts off and writing rough sex scenes when she becomes a member of the PTC.

SMG will produce the live version of another retro cartoon, “Transformers: Robots in Disguise”. Freddie Prinze Jr. will play every character while Sarah sighs throughout the making.

We will finally know that Joss lost his mind when he pens, “Firefly: The Musical” for the new network of the series: Oxygen.

Season 7 will be the last season of Buffy. Millions of people will cry. It’ll be funny.