Harm's Way · Hellmouth Central

Starring: David Boreanaz as Angel, James Marsters as Spike, J. August Richards as Gunn, Amy Acker as Fred, Andy Hallet as Lorne, Alexis Denisof as Wesley Wyndham-Pryce

Guest starring: Mercedes McNab as Harmony, Danielle Nicolet as Tameeka

Original air date: January 14, 2004

Written by: Sarah Fain & Elizabeth Craft Directed by: Vern Gillum

There’s a new human resources video for employees of Wolfram & Hart. In the video the announcer briefly explains the founding of Wolfram & Hart and the changes that have recently taken place. With Angel as the new CEO, the firm has an emphasis on using power for good. There’s also a zero-tolerance policy on killing humans and no drinking of human blood. As Angel himself says, “If you don’t kill, we won’t kill you.” Wolfram & Hart is a family now, and employees don’t need to fear employee sacrifices anymore.

Harmony is in her apartment getting ready to go to work. Harmony is the vampire version of Mary Tyler Moore. She showers, dresses, brushes both sets of teeth (human and vampire), picks up a dresser to find a missing shoe, and heads off to work. Once at work Harmony tries to talk with other women in the lunchroom but they pretty much ignore her. When Angel arrives Harmony runs down his appointments for the day and tells him that she’s already contacted the caterers for tomorrow’s big demon confab. Unfortunately Angel isn’t paying much attention to anything Harmony says. Gotta give her credit - Harmony is still trying to talk to Angel about the catering as he and Gunn walk to Angel’s office, at least until Gunn shuts the door behind him cutting Harmony off.

Back at her desk Harmony has to endure the indignity of a random test for human blood in her system, which she passes. Then Harmony talks a bit with Eli, an accountant who’s been called to Angel’s office. Gunn calls Eli into Angel’s office and Harmony, who realizes that Angel left his blood at her desk, follows about 15 seconds later. Harmony’s just in time to see Angel use a wicked long sword to decapitate Eli. Eli’s head flies off his body and lands at Harmony’s feet.

At her desk Harmony is asking Angel and Gunn why they had to kill Eli. Apparently Eli’s been dismembering virgins for fun during his off hours. Harmony thinks Angel should have given Eli a warning first, but Angel is sticking to the zero-tolerance, not a “do-it-once” tolerance policy. Lorne, Fred, and Wes arrive together a few seconds before Spike. Spike’s just stopped by to say his farewells. He’s been gone a couple of days recovering from a hangover but now he’s ready to leave LA and track down Buffy. Wes isn’t sure Spike’s departure is a good thing, after all the Shanshu prophecy is still unresolved. Spike tells Angel he can have the prophecy, he doesn’t want it. Wes tries a second time to convince Spike to stay but Angel tells Wes to let Spike go. Spike can’t get any money from Angel but does get a car. Before he leaves, Spike thanks Fred for trying to recorporalize him. He won’t forget that Fred tried to help him. As Spike starts to walk away, Harmony asks Spike if he won’t say good-bye to her because she tried to rip his throat out during sex. Harmony is nearly in tears as Spike leaves.

In Angel’s office Harmony is taking notes while the A.I. crew is meeting about the upcoming demon confab. Gunn runs down the history of the demon war which apparently started when, five generations ago, a Vingee used the wrong fork at a Saraven bonding ceremony. The clans are going to work out a truce at Wolfram & Hart with the help of a demon rights activist whom both clans trust. Wes knows that the Vingee and Saraven are pretty vicious demons, so he wants to know why they don’t just sit on the sidelines until both clans wipe each other out. Gunn thinks that negotiating the treaty will give Wolfram & Hart and the A.I. crew credibility in the demon world, making their jobs easier down the road. The whole crew has to memorize a long list of manners so that they don’t offend either the Vingee or the Saraven. Fred reports that the weapons scanners have been upgraded, and Gunn is going to be doing the translating for both clans since they don’t speak much English. And if that isn’t bad enough, both clans are superstitious. Harmony tries to contribute by telling everyone that the Vingee and Saraven think poodles are “wicked bad luck.” Wes is glad Harmony is there. He asks her to order everyone some lunch.

Later, in the lunch room, Harmony is eating (well, drinking) alone listening to some of the other assistants gossiping about Fred, Gunn, and Knox. Harmony tries to tell them that Wes is “totally crushing over Fred” but they look at her like she has worms crawling out of her ears. Just then Danny, Lorne’s assistant, brings in some muffins and shares them with every one but Harmony. One of the women at the table tells Danny that Lorne is grooming him. When Harmony tries to convince them that Angel is grooming her, too, they don’t believe it. Harmony gets a call from Angel on her cell. Angel’s yelling at Harmony to get down to the office but she tries to make it sound like she’s going to do him a favor.

Down by Harmony’s desk Angel is not pleased about the camel that’s just been delivered, and Fred’s a little confused. Harmony tries to explain that the caterers were supposed to deliver the camel *tomorrow.* Harmony found out that camel meat’s a delicacy so she thought the camel would be comfort food for the clans. Angel is not impressed. He loses it and yells at Harmony that she was supposed to answer phones, not start a petting zoo, and he orders her to get rid of the camel. After Angel leaves, Harmony breaks down into tears. Fred tries to help by suggesting that a cheese platter might be a better way to go. Harmony says that she did everything right and Fred tries to explain Angel’s tirade as stress over the confab. Harmony comes to the conclusion that everyone hates her. When Fred says she just doesn’t know Harmony that well, Harmony asks Fred out after work.

Later, in a nice bar, Harmony and Fred are talking over drinks. Harmony isn’t that happy working at Wolfram & Hart, but she doesn’t have any where else to go. Harmony thinks she’s useless and wishes she were a bit more like Fred. Harmony thinks that Fred has everything, including two hot guys. Harmony doesn’t understand why she was so popular in high school but, since she got vamped, she’s had trouble connecting with people. Fred thinks she should mingle more but the Wolfram & Hart folks in the bar are straights and Harmony prefers the undead. Harmony tells Fred that a guy has been checking her out, but Harmony isn’t sure what to say. Fred gives her a little coaching and Harmony introduces herself. Despite not coming off that well, the guy offers to buy her a drink. The next morning Harmony wakes up to her alarm to find the guy from the bar in her bed. Harmony tries to get him to leave but, uh-oh, discovers that the guy isn’t just dead, he’s dead from a neck wound. Oops.

Harmony frantically tries to dispose of the body without being detected by Mrs. Jacoby, her surly neighbor. Harmony shoves the body down the garbage chute, runs downstairs and shoves the body into the dumpster. At work Harmony is a little nervous so she tries desperately to “act normal” but can’t quite do it. It doesn’t help that Angel’s miffed that Harmony is late *and* she hasn’t brought him his blood yet. Angel tells Harmony that he can’t afford anything to go wrong today. As Harmony is warming up Angel’s blood she’s trying to remember what happened last night. She doesn’t remember squat. The more she doesn’t remember the more nervous she gets. Harmony tries to calm herself down by drinking some of her blood from the fridge. She tells the folks in the lunchroom that it’s stress eating.

At her desk Harmony confirms the catering for the summit when she is distracted by some tantalizing necks of folks in the office. A call comes in for Angel: it’s an LA detective. Harmony tries to listen in to the call, but all she learns is that the police found a body. Angel calls for Gunn and Wes and they talk just outside Angel’s office. The police found a body at the city dump wrapped in a laundry bag. The dead man is Toby Dupree, the demon rights activist who is supposed to be negotiating the truce between the Vingee and Saraven. This is a problem - Angel and company are going to have to do some *serious* damage control to make sure that the peace talks go as planned. Wes thinks that someone might be trying to derail the summit and Harmony, loudly, agrees.

Harmony watches as Angel, Wes, and Gunn take a phone call with a member of the Vingee clan. Gunn tries to convince the Vingee that the summit should proceed, but the Vingee want vengeance. After Angel accidentally tells the Vingee clansmen to “be disemboweled” Gunn convinces the clansman that the killer will be found and punished. Angel wants to find the killer and hopes that Fred will be able to help because she will be examining Dupree’s body. When Harmony finds out that the body is in the Wolfram & Hart labs she takes off.

Harmony finds Fred in the lab examining the body. Fred thinks that Angel sent Harmony in to rush Fred without actually seeming like he’s trying to rush Fred. Harmony tries to get as much information as she can out of Fred while Fred talks about last night at the bar. Fred figures out that the killer was female (bad news, Harm!). And when Fred asks about the guy at the bar, Harmony tells her that the guy was a big loser.

Harmony leaves the lab mumbling to herself about needing to flee to Mexico and starting over when she has an epiphany - Dupree was bitten on the right so she didn’t do it. Just then Harmony runs into the lab tech who tests Harmony for human blood. Uh oh. Harmony’s test is positive. She’s had human blood recently. Harmony panics and hits the tech, knocking him unconscious. Harmony nonchalantly puts the tech in a closet and runs into Lorne. Harmony asks Lorne about the random blood tests. Lorne tells her that the results are instantly transmitted to the lab when he hears moaning. Uh oh. Harmony knocks Lorne unconscious and puts him in the closet with the lab tech.

In the lab Fred has just received the results of Harmony’s lab test when Harmony walks in. Fred’s nervous because Harmony tested positive for human blood and Harmony’s nervous because she doesn’t want to be the next victim of the zero tolerance policy. Harmony gives Fred the brief run down that Dupree was the guy she talked to in the bar and she found him dead in her bed this morning. Harmony tries to prove to Fred that she didn’t kill Dupree. Apparently Harmony is a “right biter” meaning that her bites are on the left side of the neck. Fred points out that the results of the blood test are pretty incriminating, but Harmony thinks that someone might have tainted her blood in the lunchroom fridge. Fred tries to inch toward the phone and explain what happened to Angel, but Harmony is sure that Angel won’t listen and will just chop her head off. So Harmony does the only sane thing she *can* do: she knocks Fred unconscious and puts her in the closet with Lorne and the lab tech. Before she closes the closet door Harmony thanks all of them for being so understanding while she tries to clear her name.

Having figured out that someone tainted her blood, Harmony wants to get fingerprints from her thermos to find out who’s responsible for killing Dupree. Harmony has to walk by Angel’s office and finds Angel and Gunn trying to reason with members of both clans. The clansmen want the killer to die, but if they can’t find the killer, then someone from Wolfram & Hart has to die. When Angel finds out that they want a blood sacrifice, Angel tells Harmony to find Fred. Angel needs to know what Fred found out from Dupree’s body.

Harmony tells Angel she’s on it and heads straight to the lunch room. In the lunch room she finds Danny (Lorne’s assistant) holding her thermos. Harmony thinks that Danny is trying to get rid of the evidence. She accuses Danny of filling her thermos with human blood and, when Danny denies it, Harmony grabs him by the throat and tries to choke a confession out of him, vamping out in the process. When Harmony puts on her game face she spooks everyone in the lunch room and they bolt. Out of nowhere a glass hits Danny on the head and he’s now unconscious. Harmony is confused, turns around, and finds a woman standing behind her. The woman (Tameeka) tells Harmony she threw the glass to make it look like Harmony hit Danny. Harmony takes awhile, but she finally puts two and two together and figures out that Tameeka was behind Dupree’s death and framing Harmony for it.

Harmony doesn’t really remember who Tameeka is, but Tameeka sat next to Harm in the steno pool. Harmony was in the steno pool for five weeks and Tameeka was there for five years, but Harmony got the primo job working for Angel. And Tameeka is pretty pissed about getting passed over. Tameeka tells Harmony that, when Angel finds out that Tameeka saved Danny, Tameeka will be Angel’s new assistant. Tameeka kicks a table at Harmony who jumps over it. Harmony thinks she has the advantage in the fight, that is until Tameeka vamps out. There’s a big vamp chick fight, complete with wooden chopsticks. As they fight Tameeka tells Harmony that she slipped a roofie in Harmony’s drink, followed Harmony and Toby back to her place, broke in and killed Toby. Harmony wants Tameeka to confess to Angel, but Tameeka just wants to smash all of the unicorns that Harmony keeps on her desk. This does not make Harmony happy.

Harmony and Tameeka fight down the hallway and crash through the glass into the conference room where Angel and Gunn are meeting with the Vingee and the Saraven. Tameeka lands on the conference table and Harmony, using a wooden chopstick, dusts Tameeka. It’s not until *after* she dusts Tameeka that Harmony realizes that she should have waited until Tameeka confesses. The good news is that the Vingee and the Saraven demands for a blood sacrifice have been satisfied with Tameeka’s dusting. So the summit goes on!

In Angel’s office the lab tech, Lorne, and Fred are nursing some head bumps with ice bags. Angel tells Harmony that she should have talked to him. Harmony apologizes and tells everyone that she was scared because of the zero tolerance policy. Tearfully, Harmony admits that she made some bad choices, but that she is trying really hard to do a good job. Rather graciously, Harmony tells Angel she’ll pack up her desk. She assumes that Angel will fire her. Before Harmony can leave Angel’s office, Angel tells her to bring some coffee.

Later Harmony is at a bar complaining to the bartender that she saved the day, but all she got was, “Harmony, get us some coffee.” Harmony is pretty surprised when Spike walks in and sits down with her. Spike tells Harmony that he was ready to head off to Europe but then he stopped and thought about it. After saving the world and having a show-stopping exit, how could he jump off a ship in the south of France and walk back into Buffy’s life? Spike thinks his ‘grand finale’ wouldn’t matter. Harmony thinks that Buffy would be happy to see him, but she sympathizes with the “not mattering.” Harmony doesn’t think she matters to anyone at work until Spike points out that Harmony mattered to Tameeka. After all, if Tameeka was willing to kill a guy and frame Harmony, Harmony must have mattered. This makes Harmony smile and believe that she does matter. Summary by Kirsten.

Annotations

Annotations –

During the Wolfram & Hart video at the beginning of the episode, they mention that the building is built on a site deconsecrated by Mathias Pavayne. Pavayne was first seen in the Angel episode “Hell Bound.” Pavayne was a European aristocrat from the18th century. He was a doctor who earned the nickname “The Reaper” because he performed unnecessary (and often, fatal) surgeries on his patients. He later fled to California, which was still under Spanish rule at the time. After his arrival, many brutal murders occurred. Pieces of the victims were found carefully arranged. This led people to believe that the murders were ritualistic, and that the murderer had knowledge of the “dark arts.” The deaths continued for approximately 20 years. Pavayne was never caught by the authorities. Wolfram & Hart used Pavayne to deconsecrate the site of their new branch (in what would become L.A.). A Spanish mission was already on the site W&H planned to use. Pavayne’s spirit resided in the W&H building for centuries, using his knowledge of magic to prevent his soul from being sucked into hell. This practice ended when Spike (then a ghost) fought Pavayne and shoved him into a machine Fred had built. The machine rematerialized Pavayne. Knowing that Pavayne could not be allowed to die, Angel trapped him in a machine that would keep his body alive, but unable to move, forever.
Also in the training video, they mention that W&H has influence with Yoyodyne. This is a reference from the 1984 film The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension. Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems is a cover organization for the evil Red Lectroids from Planet 10 (via the 8th dimension).
Another company influenced by W&H, according to the video, is Weyland Yutani. Weyland Yutanti is a fictional Japanese company that appeared in the Alien movie series. It was the company that employed Ripley (played by Sigourney Weaver). The company’s only concern was to capture a Xenomorph specimen for use in their Bio-Weapons Division.
Once again the video refers to a company influenced by W&H…NewsCorp. News Corporation (NewsCorp) is chaired by Rupert Murdoch, and owns such companies as (you guessed it) Fox!!! (For those of you who are terminally out of the loop, Fox is the studio that produces Angel.)
When the words “Every life…and unlife” are spoken in the video, there is a shot of a horned demon. The demon shown is actually Archduke Sebassis from the Angel episode “Life of the Party.” Lorne and Angel go to see Sebassis to invite him to the W&H Halloween party. Sebassis ends up threatening Angel and friends after one of Sebassis’ people is killed in the W&H bathroom during the party. The murder was actually committed by Lorne’s materialized subconscious that was created when Lorne decided to rid himself of sleep.
When Harm walks into the break room, one of the other secretaries is complaining that her boss sent her searching for a stray Vicodin. Vicodin is a prescription pain killer that consists of a combination of narcotic analgesics and acetaminophen. Acetaminophen is not very dangerous when taken alone. It is non-addictive and is the main ingredient in many over-the-counter pain medicines, including Tylenol. Narcotics, however, are highly addictive and can lead to physical dependence. Vicodin has become a very popular drug among the wealthy, and many of them use it as a status symbol.
The same secretary comments that she considers hunting for the Vicodin to be a more outrageous request than when her boss asked her to deliver a stool sample to the doctor’s office. A stool sample is a small amount of a patient’s feces. Yes, you read that correctly. We ARE referring to human poo. Stool samples are analyzed and used to detect various illnesses.
When Eli (who gets his head chopped of by Angel in a minute) passes Harmony’s desk, he comments to her, “Don’t want to count my hatchlings, but I think the honchos are finally starting to recognize my work in accounting.” The line “count my hatchlings” is a muddled form of the phrase, “Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.” This old warning comes from the fact that not every egg a chicken lays is guaranteed to hatch into a baby chicken. Thus, you should not count on events as being certain until they actually happen, a very important idea that poor Eli definitely neglected. Eli’s version of the saying is probably an indication that his species reproduces by laying eggs.
When Spike tells Angel that he is going to Europe, Angel asks him to reconsider because the Shanshu prophecy has yet to be resolved. Spike replies that he is not going to sit around waiting for the “four bloody horsemen.” The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are mentioned (but not by that name) in the Bible (in the 6th chapter of the Book of Revelations, to be precise). They are used to exact the vengeance of God on an evil world in the end times. The Horsemen are commonly known by the names Death, Famine, Pestilence (meaning disease), and War. This is Spike’s way of saying that he isn’t going to just sit around waiting for the apocalyptic events foretold by the Shanshu prophecy.
When Spike is leaving the W&H office, he says goodbye to everyone except for Harmony. She asks, “I don’t get a good-bye just because I went crazy and tried to rip your throat out while we were having sex?” This happened in the Angel season 5 episode called “Destiny.” After Spike gets his body back, he feels the need to have sex… NOW. He and Harmony throw an employee out of his office and start going at it. Harmony’s eyes start to bleed and she turns to her vampire form. She tries to bite Spike, but he gets away. Later, they are told that Harmony’s strange behavior was an effect of the universe being thrown off its equilibrium.
During a meeting of the senior staff, Fred tells Gunn, “That makes sense, in a kind of gray, Machiavellian kind of way.” Niccolo Machiavelli (1469-1527) was an Italian author and statesmen best know for his book Il Principe, or The Prince. In this book, he describes his idea of the “ideal” prince. His prince would be a tyrant who was completely without morals. The term Machiavellian now used to refer to amoral (without morals) cunning and/or seeing achieving more power as the justification for amoral deeds.
When Dan delivers muffins to the break room, a female W&H employee tells Dan that Lorne is “totally grooming” him. Harm replies, “Angel grooms me, too.” To which the girl whispers to her friend, “Explains the haircut.” This was her way of insulting Harmony’s hairstyle. Angel’s strange hairstyles have been a running joke among fans since his first appearance on Buffy. The writers have since begun to echo the fans’ jokes on the shows as well.
While preparing Angel’s morning mug of blood, Harmony tries to remember the previous night’s events by replaying the evening out loud to herself. At one point she says, “Drinking. That’s my problem. Too much drinking. I don’t even remember taking him home. Damn Lemon Drops.” A Lemon Drop is an alcoholic drink generally made by combining lemonade with Bacardi Limon. However, there are many variations.
When Harmony is trying to return the camel to the caterers, they suggest that she might be better serving a wildebeest at the summit. The wildebeest is an African antelope. It is also known as a gnu.
While talking to Angel, Wes and Gunn, Harmony says, “Forgive and forget, I say. It’s the Golden Rule.” Harmony is mistaken. The Golden Rule is typically stated as, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” In other words, treat people as you would want to be treated. There are various forms of this idea in a great many of the world’s major religions.
During Fred’s autopsy of Toby’s body, she reports that the body shows signs of “significant postmortem battery.” In simple English, she means that it looks like the body was beaten heavily after Toby was dead. Fred decides that this indicates a “prior relationship” between murderer and victim. We know that this really happened during Harm’s struggle to get rid of the body. J
During Fred and Harm’s chat while Fred is examining the body, Fred suggests that the next time she and Harm hang out they could “jam to the Dixie Chicks.” The Dixie Chicks is an all girl who have become famous for singing country music. The group had made headlines shortly before the filming of this episode because of their criticism of American President George W. Bush’s decision to go to war with Iraq.
After Harm’s blood test shows up positive, she goes to see Fred. Fred is frightened and tries to talk her way past Harm by saying that she left her autoclave on. An autoclave is a pressurized, steam heated container used for laboratory experiments, sterilization, and cooking.
When Harmony finds out that Tamika set her up, she asks Tamika how they know each other. Tamika responds that they sat next to each other in the steno pool. Steno is an abbreviation of the word stenographer. A stenographer is a person who takes dictation, writes it down in short-hand, and types the final document. Large companies used to keep groups (also known as pools) of these people employed to do various secretarial jobs for people in the company that did not merit a secretary of their own. It was a common practice to promote people from this pool to higher paying secretarial positions. This was generally done based on seniority.
When Tamika is telling Harmony exactly how she set her up, she says that she put a roofie in Harmony’s drink while they were in the bar. Roofie is a slang term for Rohypnol (flunitrazepam). It has become known as “the date-rape drug” due to many men using it to make their dates more willing to have sex with them. It is typically put in a drink. Once taken, it usually causes sleepiness, memory loss, and confusion. Effects start within 30 minutes after taking the drug. It produces peak results within 2 hours and can affect the victim for up to 8 hours. It is illegal to make, sell, purchase, or possess the drug in the United States.
Tamika says that the first thing she wants to do when she gets Harm’s old job is to go to Harm’s old desk and “smash all of those stupid, ugly-ass unicorns.” Harmony’s love of unicorns is talked about numerous times. In the season 5 Buffy episode “Real Me,” one of Harmony’s minions steals a ceramic unicorn from The Magic Box as a present for her. Earlier in “Harm’s Way,” you can see that her thermos is covered with unicorn stickers. Written by Kiki Questions, comments or additions? Email Kiki. ()

Quotes

Fred: Spike! Gunn: Been wondering when you’d turn up. Fred: Where have you been? It’s been days. Spike: Out enjoying freedom from my ghostly confines, luv. Fred: There hasn’t been any side effects since you recorporealized, has there? Spike: Bit of a hangover. But that’s to be expected from all of the drinking.

Spike: Yeah, here’s the thing. Could use a little walking around money. How ‘bout a few hundred? Angel: How about ‘no’? Spike: Typical, you cheap sod. Right, then. Settle for some wheels. Angel: If it’s gonna get you out of her faster, fine. Just not the Viper. Spike: Viper it is, then. Have you got a message for Buffy? Angel: Tell her you’re a moron.

Harmony: What? I don’t get a good-bye because I went crazy and tried to rip your throat out while we were having sex? Spike: Keep it simple, Harm. It suits you.

Fred: My lab managed that upgrade to the weapon scanner like you requested. Angel: Foolproof? Fred: I’d say yes, but then some fool would just come along and sneak something past us. But it’s still state of the art.

Harmony: I just wish I was more like you. You know, except for the part about being all into science and not having a lot up front. I mean, you have two hot guys after you. Fred: I do? Harmony: All the girls, they think it’s Knox and Gunn. Course I know that it’s Knox and Wesley. Not that they’d listen. It is Knox and Wes, right? Fred: Yes. I mean, no. I don’t know. We all work together, and there’s a lot of baggage. . . and why am I telling you all this? Harmony: Because we’re totally bonding! We’re like gal pals. This is awesome. You can teach me about life and I can teach you how to dress better. Fred: Oh.

Harmony (to guy in her bed): Um, Tim? Trevor? George? Apparently you and I . . . you know. I’m sure I rocked your world and all, but I gotta go to work so . . . . Hello? [finds out the guy is dead] Ooops.

[Harmony’s to do list] To Do: Big Demon Summit:

Remind Security of Summit
Arrange Transportation
Return Camel
Confirm Catering

Wes: And the police called you because. . . Angel: Apparently we own them. Gunn: Makes sense. Wes: Course. Angel: That, and they found my card on the victim. It was the liaison between the feuding clans. Gunn: Toby Dupree? Harmony: Toby! That was his . . . [Gunn, Wes, and Angel look at Harmony] name. Really? You just don’t hear unusual names like that anymore. Angel: We’re going to have to do some serious damage control. Gunn: You think? Demon rights activist gets munched by a vamp on *our* watch? Harmony: He told me he was an astronaut.

Gunn [in Vingee]: All is well, oh, powerful one. The summit can proceed. Vingee clansman: Killer must be found! Killer must be punished! Gunn: They’re looking for vengeance. Angel: Tell them we’re on it. Gunn [in Vingee]: You have our oath. Angel [in Vingee]: Be disemboweled! Vingee clansman: Filthy man whore! How dare you! You – Gunn [in vingee]: He meant, be patient! The whore man is a novice in your tongue and makes foolish errors. We make fun of him, yes?

Fred [into tape recorder]: Bite marks are seventeen millimeters apart, six millimeters deep on the right side of the neck. Harmony: Well that doesn’t sound like much to go on. Fred [into tape recorder]: The size and depth of the wound indicate a female vampire. Harmony: Or gay!

Harmony [talking to bound and gagged Lorne, Fred, and Rudy the lab tech]: I’m totally sorry I have to do this, and you guys are being super understanding. It’s just till I clear my name. I so owe you guys dinner.

Harmony: You’re gonna tell Angel the truth! Tameeka: You wanna know the first thing I’m gonna do when I get your desk? Smash all those stupid, ugly ass unicorns!

Harmony: Then you’re gonna tell Angel how you stole my thermos and filled it with human blood and how you tricked me. . . Tameeka: My lips? Sealed. The key? Lost it.

Angel: You should a just come to me. Fred: Gee, I wish I woulda thought of telling her that. Harmony: I’m really, really sorry you guys. I totally wouldn’t have hit you over the head and put you in the closet if I didn’t have a really good reason. It’s just, I was scared. . . and. . . I know you never wanted me as your assistant, and. . . Ok, I made some bad choices. I mean it’s not like I have a soul. I have to try a lot harder.

Spike: I was on my way. Had a boat ticket and all. Then I put a little thinking into it. A man can’t go out in a bloody blaze of glory, saving the world and then show up three months later tumbling off a cruise ship in the south of France. I mean, I’d love to. Don’t get me wrong. But it’s hard to top an exit like that. Harmony: Come on. Girls don’t care about stuff like that. Just one look at you and she’ll forget herself. She’ll get all tingly. And it won’t matter how horribly you treated her in the past, and how you took her for granted . . . Spike: I never took her for . . . . Oh. [long pause] I’d expect Buffy would be happy enough to see me. It’s just I gave up my life for her. If I show up now, flesh and bone, my grand finale won’t hold much weight. All of it. Won’t matter. Harmony: Yeah. Not mattering. I know that feeling well. Spike: Oh, come on, Harm. You matter to someone. Harmony: I do? Spike: Yeah. Girl tried to frame you, didn’t she? Must have mattered to her. Everybody’s talking about it. Harmony: You’re right. That girl hated me. She wanted me dead. I matter. Please credit Hellmouth Central with these quotes when using them for any publication.