Something Blue

Writer: Tracey Forbes Director: Nick Marck

Cast : Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers, Nicholas Brendon as Xander Harris, Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg, James Marsters as Spike, Anthony Stewart Head as Rupert Giles. Main guest stars : Marc Blucas as Riley Finn, Emma Caulfield as Anya, Elizabeth Anne Allen as Amy Madison, Andy Umberger as D’Hoffryn. Original broadcast date : November 30, 1999

My one-line description: Spike and Buffy… Is this what they call a shotgun wedding?

Willow is inOz’s room, seeking comfort from one of his shirts. Elsewhere, Buffy runs into Riley, who is hanging a Lesbian Alliance poster. The two do some small talk, and Riley gets the nerve to tell her she’s beautiful; then he invites her to a picnic. That night, Buffy discusses Riley with Willow, telling her friend that she likes him, but wonders if a relationship without pain and fighting can also have passion and intensity. At Giles’ place the next day, Buffy questions Spike (who’s chained in the bathtub) about the Initiative, but isn’t getting much out of him – not even after they feed him some blood out of a coffee mug. He’s worried they’ll kill him after they get the information from him. She teases him, rubbing his face in the fact that he can’t hurt her. Willow offers to make a truth spell, and promises to be back the next day with the ingredients. After she leaves, Giles comments that the redhead seems to be coping better with her breakup, but Spike disagrees, saying that she’s hanging on by a thread.

Willow goes to Oz’s room, and is distraught to find it empty – according to Devon, he sent for his stuff. That night, she deals with the possibility that Oz may not be coming back, and Buffy tries to comfort her. The next day, Giles calls Willow to find out why she didn’t bring supplies for the spell as she said she would, but he gets the answering machine. In the background, Spike shouts for him to turn on the TV so he can watch Passions. Meanwhile, Buffy and Riley are having their picnic, when Willow comes along, still looking quite depressed. The conversation, previously quite light and even a bit sexual, becomes very uneasy. That night at the Bronze, the Scoobies are discussing Willow’s mood, when they spot her dancing happily. She comes over to them, stating that she’s decided to “shake and shimmy” the depression away. A bottle of beer drops out of her jacket, revealing that she’s just a bit drunk (Willow? Drunk?). Buffy isn’t too happy with that, but Willow comments that she just wants the pain to go away, not progressively but “poof”. A bit out of control, the redhead manages to insult Xander, and Buffy takes her back home. In the middle of the night, Willow sneaks out of her and Buffy’s bedroom in her pajamas, goes to the washroom and sets up magic supplies around her. She recites a spell that should enable her to have what she wants – the flames of the candles around her increase in intensity, and electricity goes through her circle. The next day, she tries out her new powers, willing her heart to be healed, then trying to get a book to speak to her and a Q-Tip to unbend itself – to no avail. Giles arrives,a bit angry that she didn’t show up the previous day. She admits her mind has been elsewhere, and reports that her spell to have her will done hasn’t worked. She adds that she feels the gang has been putting too much pressure on her that she can’t live up to, and Giles answers that he can see how she would feel that way. “You don’t see anything!” retorts an angry Willow. Suddenly, her eyes flash, and Giles walks away, claiming to have problems with his eyes. On his way, he bumps into a student.

Back at his place, Giles tries out the truth spell alone, but he has a hard time reading the script. He then drops the key to Spike’s chains; the vampire grabs it, unties himself and escapes, knocking out the Watcher on the way. In the dorm room, Willow, cleaning Amy the rat’s cage, complains to Buffy that she’s not a good witch. According to her, Amy has more power than she has. “First, she’s a perfectly normal human being”, says Willow – and Amy turns back into a very naked girl on the bed behind Buffy and Willow – “and then she’s a rat” – Amy turns back into a rodent. Having entirely missed the action, Willow says that she could never do anything like that. Then the phone rings; it’s Giles, informing Buffy that Spike has escaped and asking her to go look for him. Willow had planned a girls’ night out and is disappointed, but Buffy insists that duty calls. However, Willow assures that he’s probably just standing out there, and she’ll find him in two seconds. Again her eyes flash.

Buffy materializes in an open space outside on campus, with Spike standing right there in front of her. Both startled, they comment that it should’ve taken her a while longer to find him. He claims to think he’s found the place where he emerged from the Initiative’s lab, but there’s nothing but grass. Buffy gets annoyed, and the two of them fight – to Spike’s disadvantage, because of the chip. She drags him back to Giles’, where they squabble while the Watcher himself is busy putting medicinal drops in his eyes. Meanwhile, Willow has gone to Xander’s place, seeking some comfort. However, he points out that Buffy needs to find Spike in order to get information on the commandos. An angry Willow sarcastically asks why Buffy doesn’t just marry Spike, if he’s so important. Again, eyes flash… Giles comes into his living room to find Spike kneeling in front on Buffy; he’s just proposed, and she’s accepted. They kiss, and as he squints disbelievingly at the scene, Buffy happily tells him he won’t believe what just happened. Still at Xander’s place, Willow takes out her anger on her best friend. She tells him his track record, romantically, isn’t that good either: “Insect lady, mummy girl, Anya – you’re a demon magnet! Xander looks pained, and we hear an ominous sound to go with Willow’s eye flash.

Giles phones Willow for help, since he thinks all that’s gone wrong is due to a spell, but he gets her answering machine. Meanwhile, in the living room, Buffy and Spike make wedding plans and kiss. Buffy asks Giles to give her away, and he’s flattered – until he remembers where they are and what’s happening. He tries to convince Buffy that this is nonsense, but she argues that the gang wasn’t crazy about Angel at first, either. Spike becomes a bit jealous, but then they kiss and make up. Giles realizes he’s gone completely blind… Spike suggests a reversal spell, and Buffy goes to the magic shop to get supplies. One her way, Buffy does some window-shopping for a wedding dress, and runs into Riley. She tells him the good news and informs him she’s marrying a much older man – he’s stunned, of course, and a bit hurt. He tells her he needs to be away for a while, and leaves.

Xander and Anya are making out when demons start breaking in. Realizing they can’t fight them all, they flee to Giles’ place. There, Buffy tells Giles that the magic shop was out of one ingredient they need, but that she’ll go back the next day; then she and Spike start arguing about wedding invitations. Xander and Anya burst through the door, demons still in chase. Buffy and Spike take the opportunity to share the good news; after wondering if he can also become blind, Xander vaguely remembers Willow wishing that Buffy and Spike would just get married… Giles and Xander add it up, concluding that Willow’s wishes are coming true. Buffy argues that she couldn’t be affected, that her slayerness gives her a “natural immunity” (ha!). Speaking of Willow… she’s just entering her bedroom when a demon accosts her and makes her disappear in a concert of noise and bright lights. The gang arrives a bit later and finds a burn circle on the floor. Anya recognizes it as a portal of D’Hoffryn, her former boss – a thousand years ago, he’d spotted her doing some minor vengeance spells (boils on the penis, all kinds of stuff) and brought her down to make her into a demon. Buffy realizes that the same could happen to Willow, but is then distracted by a couple of good spots for wedding pictures – and a few demons who come barging through the door. The gang runs to a crypt, where Anya performs a ritual to open a doorway to Arashmana, the place where D’Hoffryn lives. As she tries to remember the words of the spell, the gang fight the demons, who have managed to get inside. Meanwhile, in Arashmana, D’Hoffryn tells Willow that he’s seen her magic and heard her piercing scream of a pain; he offers to make her into a vengeance demon. But when he shows her an image of her friends fighting up in the crypt, she tells him that she doesn’t want to be a demon; she just wants to help them. He’s disappointed, but he lets her go, giving her a talisman to summon him if ever she changes her mind. Willow appears in the crypt, where Buffy and Spike have started kissing in the midst of all the fighting. The redhead ends the spell, the demons disappear, and Buffy and Spike look at each other, horrified and disgusted. The next day, at Giles’ place, all is normal again, with Spike tied to a chair and Giles with clear vision. Willow is baking cookies for the gang (to get herself forgiven) and Spike asks for one, to get the Buffy taste out of his mouth. Buffy exclaims in indignation and disgust that she kissed him in the first place, but he argues that he wasn’t the one who wanted “Wind Beneath My Wings” played at the wedding (yuck!). Willow shuts him up by shoving a cookie in his mouth. Later on campus, Buffy explains to Riley that she made up the whole wedding thing because she saw fear in his eyes when he caught her looking at weeding dresses. He thinks she’s insane, but she tells him that he’s got a lot to learn about women. Putting his hand on her shoulder, he asks her to teach him, and then walks away. Summary by OttsFiveByFive.

Episode Ratings

Mac -

“A classic episode. The first of season 4.”

DJ Angelus -

“The only time I ever enjoyed Spuffy… Funniest ep ever.”

Quotes

Key: B=Buffy, G=Giles, W=Willow, X=Xander, A=Anya, S=Spike, R=Riley

R: Hey, Buffy. B: Is there something you want to tell me? R: What? //Buffy looks at “Lesbian Alliance” sign// R: Oh. Yes, I am a lesbian. B: Well, it’s good that you’re so open about it.

R: I thought maybe we could have a little spread - sandwiches, maybe some ants. Could be fun. B: We were talking about a picnic? R: Oh… so, was that a conversation I actually had or one I was just practicing? B: Practicing? R: Okay, yes, I have been known to do a little prep work before our conversations. It’s not easy, you know, talking to you sometimes. It’s like an oral exam. B: Boy, that’s just what every girl longs to hear. R: Well, you’re tricky. B: Like an exam? R: I never know how you’re gonna react to something. That’s why I like you so much. You’re a mystery. Probably every beautiful girl in the world has some jerk telling her she’s a mystery, but… I swear, you really are. There’s a lot about you that needs puzzling out. < pause > I lose you somewhere? B: Right around… “beautiful”. R: Say, don’t you just love a picnic?

B: It’s just… different, you know? A picnic! First of all, daylight. That’s kind of a new venue, Buffywise. And the best part - he said that he would bring all the food, so all I have to do is show up and eat. Those are two things I’m really good at. W: So he’s nice? B: Very, very. W: And there’s sparkage? B: Yeah. He’s… have you seen his arms? Those are… good arms to have.

B: I just… feel like something’s missing. W: He’s not making you miserable? B: Exactly. Riley seems so solid. Like… he wouldn’t cause me heartache. W: Get out. Get out while there’s still time.

B: I have to get away from that “bad boy” thing. There’s no good there.

B: Hello to the pain. W: The pain is not a friend.

B: I know it’s nuts, but part of me believes that real love and passion have to go hand-in-hand with pain and fighting. < stakes vamp > I wonder where I get that from?

B: So. You saw their faces, but you can’t describe them. S: Well, they were human. Two eyes each, kind of in the middle.

S: I’m trying to remember. It was very traumatic. B: How long are you gonna pull this crap? S: How long am I gonna live once I tell you? G: Spike, we have no intention of killing a harmless, um, creature.

G: We can’t let you go until we’re sure that you’re impotent or- S: Hey! G: Sorry, poor choice of words. Until we know that you’re… B: Flaccid? S: You are one step away, missy! B: Giles, help! He’s gonna scold me.

B: Maybe we made it a little too comfy in here for you. S: Comfy? I’m chained in a bathtub, drinking pigs blood from a novelty mug. Doesn’t rate huge in the Zagat’s guide.

B: Oh, look at my poor neck… all bare and tender and exposed. All that blood, just pumping away. G: Oh, please. S: Giles, make her stop! G: If those two don’t kill each other, I might lend a hand.

G: A truth spell. Of course, why didn’t I think of that? W: ’Cause you had your hands full with the un-dead English patient?

W: I’ll be back in the morning with doughnuts and motherwort.

G: She seems to be coping better with Oz’s departure, don’t you think? B: Well, she still has a way to go, but… yeah. I think she’s dealing. S: What, are you people blind? She’s hangin’ on by a thread. Any ninny can see that.

W: I guess this means he’s planning on settling down somewhere. Else. Not here.

S: Come on, now! It’s telly time! “Passions” is on! Timmy’s down a bloody well, and if you make me miss it, I’ll… G: Do what? Lick me to death?

G: Look, uh, Willow, I think we ought to try the spell. Among other things, I’d like to shower sometime today. Alone.

B: Driving? R: Yeah. B: You seriously drive for fun? R: Well, not 4-wheeling or anything, but yeah. Don’t you? B: Actually, no-wheeling is more my specialty.

B: Cars and Buffy are like… unmixy things.

R: You can have the best time in a car. It’s not about getting somewhere. You have to take your time… forget about everything. You just relax… let it wash over you… the air… the motion. Let it roll. B: We ARE talking about driving, right? R: I thought I was.

W: I interrupted. You’ve got apples. My miss.

X: Jeeze. You mean Oz just sent for his stuff and didn’t even call her? That’s pretty harsh. A: I only wish I had my powers back. I’d liquify his entrails for her. X: That’s sweet.

B: Wow. Way to rebound. X: I believe that’s the dance of a brave little toaster.

W: I know I’ve been sort of a party poop lately. So I said to myself, “Self,” I said, “It’s time to shake and shimmy it off.”

W: Yeah, I just figure, in the grand scheme of things, we’re all just… B: Drunk? W: Drunk - that’s such a strong word. Kind of a guttural Anglo-Saxon word. “Drunk.”

X: Will, not liking the drowning of the sorrows. W: Not drowning, wading. Uh, see? Light. No big. B: No big? Anybody remember when Buffy had the fun beer fest and went one million years B.C.? X: Sadly, without the fuzzy bikini. A: Off topic, Xander.

B: Okay, you know what? I’m taking you home. W: No. I don’t want to. B: Well, you’ll thank me when you still have a friend in the morning.

W: Did Buffy tell you about the beer? ’Cause… G: Buffy didn’t tell me anything. W: Oh, well, forget about the beer part, then. G: Happily.

S: I won’t have you doing mojo on me if you can’t read properly. You could turn me into a stink beetle or what-all. G: That would be a generous ending for you, Spike.

W: I _am_ a bad witch. B: No, you’re a good witch.

W: The only real witch here is fuzzy little Amy. B: I think you’re being too hard on yourself. W: She’s got access to powers I can’t even invoke. I mean, first she a perfectly normal girl… //rat becomes happy Amy//…then poof, she’s a rat. //Happy Amy turns back into rat// I could never do that.

W: I figured since I’m kinda grievy, we could, you know, have a girls night. You know, eat sundaes and watch “Steel Magnolias”, and you can tell me how at least I don’t have diabetes.

W: He’s probably just standing out there. You’ll find him in two seconds. B: I thought that was gonna take longer. S: Me too.

S: Let me in! Fix me.

B: One more word out of you, and I swear… S: Swear what? You’re not gonna do anything to me. You don’t have the stones. B: Oh, I got the stones. I got a whole bunch of… stones. S: Yeah? You’re all talk. B: Giles! I accidentally killed Spike! That’s okay, right?

S: I get this spell reversed, they’ll be finding your body for weeks. B: Oh, make a move. Please. I’m dying for a good slay.

G: If the two of you could remain civil long enough to, uh… B: It’s just so sudden. I don’t know what to say. S: Just say yes, and make me the happiest man on earth. B: Oh, Spike! Of course it’s yes! Giles! You’ll never believe what’s happened!

W: I think we’re all doomed to badness.

G: I’m certain it’s a spell of some kind, because, um, well, it seems something else… is going wrong. B: Here you go - 98.6. G: Horribly wrong.

B: There’s so much to decide. Ceremony, guests, reception… S: Well, first thing, I’d say we’re not having a church wedding. B: How about a daytime ceremony, in the park? S: Fabulous. Enjoy your honeymoon with the big pile of dust. B: Under the trees. Indirect sunlight only. S: A warm spring breeze tosses the leaves aside, and again, you’re registering as Mr. & Mrs. Big-Pile-of-Dust. B: Stop it! This is our wedding, and you’re treating it like a big joke. S: Oh, pouty. Look at that lip. Gonna get it. Gonna… get it. B: Oh, stop. G: Yes, please stop. B: Giles, did you see my ring? G: Thankfully, not very well.

B: From now on… we’re family. G: It’s all right, I- I have more Scotch.

R: The wedding. What wedding? B: My wedding. I’m getting married. Can you believe it? R: I don’t think no’s a strong enough word. B: I know, it’s crazy. I mean, we fought for all those years, and then… Sometimes you just look at someone, and… you know. You know? R: No. B: I think maybe we fought because we couldn’t admit how we really felt about each other. R: Can we start again?

R: What’s his name? B: Who? R: The groom. B: Spike. R: That’s a name? B: Don’t be mad. R: I’m not mad. B: No, you are mad. R: No, I am.

R: Who is this guy? Does he go here? B: Spike? Oh, no, he’s totally old. R: Old. B: Well, not as old as my last boyfriend was. R: Okay. It’s late. And I’m… I’m very tired now. So… I’m just gonna go far away and be… away. B: But… R: No. Stay. B: They’re ruining my happy day.

X: That’s okay, Mom, we don’t need any more snacks. A: I liked those fruit roll-ups. X: Shush. I thought she’d never clear out. Besides, just think of my lips as the fruit roll-ups of love. Okay, that was gross.

G: So the plan is to cure my total incapacitating blindness tomorrow, is it?

S: I don’t like him. He’s insipid. Clearly human. B: Oh! Red paint. We can smear a little on the mouth. The blood of the innocent. S: That’s my girl! G: Stop that right now! I can hear the smacking.

B: Honey, we need to talk about the invitations. Now, do you want to be “William the Bloody” or just “Spike”? ’Cause either way, it’s gonna look majorly weird. S: Whereas the name “Buffy” gives it that touch of classic elegance. B: What’s wrong with “Buffy”? G: Oh, such a good question. S: Well, it’s a terrible name. B: My mother gave me that name. S: Your mother. Yeah, she’s a genius. B: Don’t you start on my mother!

X: Spike! He’s all untied! Which you probably noticed.

G: Stop, whatever you’re doing. You smell like fruit roll-ups. S: This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed.

A: Why are you holding hands? S: They have to hear it sooner or later. B: Spike and I are getting married! X: How? What?!? How?! G: Three excellent questions. S: What are you lookin’ at? B: The man I love. X: Can I be blind too?

X: Something about Willow and her griefy “poor me” mood swings. So, so tired of it. A: You mean I don’t have to be nice about her anymore?

X: Yeah, right. You’re marrying Spike because you’re so right for each other. B: Xander! S: That’s it. You’re off the usher list.

B: Besides, it’s kind of my job. S: For now. B: What, you want me to stop working? S: Well, let’s see - do I want you to give up killing my friends? Yeah, I’ve given it some thought.

S: Ooh, fluffy. Wear this to the rehearsal dinner, and the whole thing’s off. B: Shut up, honey.

D’Hoffryn: You have much anger and pain. Your magic is strong, but your pain… It’s like a scream that pierces dimensional walls. We heard your call. W: I’m sorry. I’ll try for a… quiet rage. Bye.

A: I’d been dumped. I was miserable. Doing a few vengeance spells - boils on a penis, nothing fancy. X: Please skip ahead.

S: If they get in, I don’t know if I can protect you. B: You think you have to protect me? S: Oh, not with the girl-power bit!

W: Really, no offense intended. I mean, you’ve been super nice and everything, but I don’t want to be a demon.

D’Hoffryn: Oh, well. Here is my talisman. You change your mind, give us a chant.

B: Uhh! Spike lips! Lips of Spike!

A: How long are you going to keep making these? W: Oh… until I don’t feel so horribly guilty. I figure about a million chips from now. Also, I have to detail Giles’ car.

W: Look, cookies! A very not-evil thing I did. Oatmeal? G: Yes, very funny. They’re chocolate chip. I can see them. I still need my glasses - you couldn’t be more specific and give me 20/20? W: Eat a cookie and ease my pain? B: Mmm. Better? W: Well, baking lifts about 30% of my guilt. But only 7% of my inner turmoil.

S: Don’t I get a cookie? B: No. S: Well, I gotta have something. I still have Buffy taste in my mouth. B: You’re a pig, Spike. S: Yeah, well, I’m not the one who wanted “Wind Beneath My Wings” for the first dance. W: Did I mention about the sorry part? B: We may be into a forgetting spell later.

B: I saw that fear in your eyes when you caught me looking at wedding dresses, and I had to give you a hard time. R: I did not have fear in my eyes. B: Yes, you did. You were looking at me like I was a cartoon ball & chain. R: So you decided to tell me you were getting married. B: Uh-huh. R: So, you’re insane. B: Uh-huh. R: But you’re still single? B: Yes. R: Okay, then. Just another little piece of the Buffy puzzle. B: You have a lot to learn about women, Riley. R: You’re gonna teach me.

Credit: The Sunnydale Slayers