This Year's Girl

Writer: Doug Petrie Director: Michael Gershman

Cast : Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers, Nicholas Brendon as Xander Harris, Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg, Marc Blucas as Riley Finn, James Marsters as Spike, Anthony Stewart Head as Rupert Giles.

Main guest stars : Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers, Eliza Dushku as Faith, Leonard Roberts as Forrest Gates, Bailey Chase as Graham Miller, Harry Groener as Mayor Richard Wilkins III, Amber Benson as Tara, George Hertzberg as Adam. Original broadcast date : February 22, 2000

My one-line description: This episode is completely… five by five. And it only takes Faith about 30 minutes into the episode to find some leather pants.

Still in a coma, Faith is dreaming. She and Buffy are putting clean white sheets on a bed; Faith comments that Buffy has a lot to do to prepare for the arrival of “lil’ sis”. Then she notices that she’s bleeding on the sheets; looking down at her stomach, she sees the knife Buffy stabbed her with more than eight months ago. She asks Buffy if she’s ever going to take it out, but the other Slayer just grabs the knife and plunges it further in… Lightning illuminates Faith’s still form, on her hospital bed. In his basement, Xander is working on the faulty taser Walsh had given Buffy. Meanwhile, the Slayer announces to Giles that she’s determined to get Adam; she also tells Willow that the Initiative guys keep telling her Riley is fine, but she doesn’t trust them – they could be brainwashing him or behaviour-modifying him. But at the Initiative infirmary, Riley is ready to go back to Buffy. As he leaves the room, Forrest, realizing where he’s headed, tries to convince him that during times like these, they have to stick together, keep it in the family. Riley scoffs, hinting that he doesn’t believe they’re a family, and orders Forrest to step aside. Back at the hospital, Faith is having another dream, where she and the Mayor are having a picnic. He reaches to get some cheesecake, and Buffy comes by and stabs him with Faith’s knife. On patrol that night, Buffy, Willow and Xander find a demon hanging from a tree, the skin of his chest stretched open. They figure it must be Adam, and Buffy announces that the first thing they have to do is get Riley. She assigns tasks to Xander and Willow for the upcoming break-in into the Initiative, and just then Riley shows up. He apologizes for his behaviour, but Willow says that she’s willing to forgive him if he and Buffy can bring down Adam. Her closed eyes doing major REM, Faith now dreams that she’s running away from Buffy, who’s calmly strolling behind her, knife at the ready. Faith trips and tumbles into an open grave, and Buffy jumps in after her. It starts to rain, and Faith climbs out, stands and shouts. At the hospital, Faith’s eyes snap open. She looks around, then throws off the covers and rips off the monitor wires and the intravenous. As she pads down a corridor, she runs into a young woman who asks her for directions. But Faith has a single idea in mind, get to the graduation. The woman answers that Sunnydale High doesn’t exist anymore, and Faith asks what date it is. February 25, responds the visitor, obviously worried about Faith – especially when the Slayer asks what year it is. Faith demands to know what happened, and the woman explains that it was a tragedy, in which the Mayor and the Principal both died. Faith stares at her… and a few minutes later, she emerges from the hospital, wearing the woman’s clothes. In Buffy’s dorm room, Riley wonders what to do next – he doesn’t know how to do anything else than take orders. Drawing on her experience of quitting the Council, she tells him that he can either try to make changes from inside the Initiative, or he can bail and fight demons his way. However, he wonders what his way is, and she says that under the soldier, he’s a good man. At the hospital, a nurse reports to a doctor and a policeman how she came in and Faith was just gone. The policeman finds it hard to believe that a girl wanted for questioning in a few murder cases wouldn’t have guards, but the doctor argues that they didn’t expect her to ever wake up. An orderly appears and announces that they’ve found an unconscious girl, beaten up and stripped of her clothes. After the doctor and the policeman leave, the nurse makes a clandestine phone call, asking her correspondent to “send the team”… Faith takes in the sight of the ruins of Sunnydale High, and then starts walking through downtown Sunnydale. She ends up outside Giles’ place, where she spies a Scooby meeting inside. As they talk about Adam, Riley turns on the taser, much to Xander’s amazement; as Buffy cuddles up to him – confirming to Faith that she has a new boyfriend – Riley announces he’s willing to share Initiative information with them. The phone rings, and Giles answers; he passes it to Buffy, and after a bit of conversation, she hangs up and announced that Faith has escaped from the hospital. The gang debates what to do about her, until Riley asks a rather simple question. “Who’s Faith?” The next day, outside school, Buffy tells Willow that she filled in the blanks for Riley regarding Faith, sans the Angel details. The two girls wonder what state of mind the other Slayer is in, and Buffy comments that if she were Faith, she’d leave town. “You’re not me”, announces Faith, turning to face Buffy. Unsure of how to proceed, Buffy tells her that she’s been looking for her, and wonders if she’s alright. Faith announces that she’s rested and looking forward to payback. The two girls start trading blows, just as the police shows up. Taking off, Faith announces that it isn’t oven, and that Buffy will pay for stealing her life. Later, the Scoobies take up patrol duty on the Faith case. Willow explains to Tara that they’re doing recon; meanwhile, Giles and Xander find Spike in an alley and tell him they’re after a rogue Slayer. They describe her to him, and he announces that he’ll find her, tell her where they are, and watch as she kills them. He then reminds them how much he hates them, and walks away. Outside the hospital, the nurse watches a helicopter land. Three men climb out, and they exchange words with the nurse for a few minutes. Faith makes her way downtown, seizing various opportunities to escape the cops’ notice (by the way, she’s found some leather pants in the interval). She’s accosted by a demon who reveals he has something for her from a common friend; she kills him, and grabs a videotape from him pocket. Later, having found a place to run the tape, she views the Mayor. It seems he recorded this after she’d gone into a coma; he tells her that if she’s seeing this, he must be dead. He then reveals that her days may be numbered – but he has a gift for her, a box which he instructs her to open. Faith does so, and finds a little silver thingie… In Riley’s dorm room, Buffy is going on about how dangerous Faith is. He offers to help, but she pokes him in the belly, reminding him that he’s in no condition to do so. He wants to know, however, what Faith did to her, but Buffy laconically answers that Faith will be going after all those she loves. At 1630 Revello Drive, Joyce Summers answers a knock at the door… only to get knocked out by Faith, who lets herself in. Later, in Joyce’s bedroom, Faith goes through her drawers for some lipstick, as Joyce herself watches. Faith tries on some “Harlot” lipstick and asks Joyce how she looks. “Psychotic”, answers Buffy’s mother. With a stack of unopened mail for Buffy in her hand, Faith tells Joyce her daughter won’t be coming to help her. They argue about that a bit, but then Buffy crashes through the window, says hi to her mom and tackles Faith. As Joyce calls the police, the two girls roll down the stairs fighting. Giles comes home to find the three men from the helicopter sitting in his house. “Hello, Rupert”, says one of them, lighting a cigarette. Giles doesn’t look pleased. Faith and Buffy are still trading punches in the hallway downstairs when Faith hears police sirens. Hurrying, she puts the silver thingie from the Mayor on her hand, and grabs Buffy’s hand. A light flashes, and both girls flinch. Faith suddenly looks startled, and Buffy throws a hard punch that knocks her out. Joyce runs down, asking if Buffy is alright; the Slayer says that she is, grabs the silver thingie and crushes it under her foot. The police knock on the door, and Buffy lets them take Faith away, saying she’s their problem now. As the policemen pick Faith up, Joyce once again asks Buffy if she’s OK. “Five by five”, answers Buffy, looking down at Faith with a cruel smile. Summary by OttsFiveByFive.

Episode Ratings

Mac -

“The other slayer returns, just in time for me to forget jumping off the cliff.”

DJ Angelus -

“Ok I’m biased. I like Faith. Nice pause in part 1 to clean up the details of last season.”

Quotes

Key: B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, R=Riley, S=Spike, A=Anya, F=Faith, J=Joyce, T=Tara, MW=Mayor Wilkins

X: So, here it is. The latest in state-of the art combat technology. I gotta say, it doesn’t look that complicated. B: So you can repair it? X: Sure. Just as soon as I get my master’s degree in advanced starship technology. W: Well, why don’t we experiment? Press some buttons, see what happens. G: Well, I’d like to veto that. X: Second. It’s called a blaster, Will. A word that tends to discourage experimentation. Now, if it were called the Orgasmator, I’d be the first to try your basic button-press approach.

X: If I blow a hole in my Mom’s azalea patch, the neighbors will not be pleased.

B: There’s a demonoid killing machine out there, Giles. It doesn’t only work the night shift.

B: Why, because ray-guns aren’t in the Slayer Handbook?

B: He’s the Terminator without the bashful charm.

Forrest: The shish kabob that walks like a man. Looks like you’re feeling better, walking around and threatening people and all that.

Forrest: Look at you - one good conjugal visit and you’re back in intensive care to stay.

W: Spread out? B: Not too far. X: So not a problem.

B: I’ve never seen anything like that. X: And I can go a long, healthy stretch without seeing anything like that again.

B: He’s studying biology - human, demon, whatever he can get his hands on and tear apart. W: Learning what makes things work. X: I really don’t want to be around for the final exam.

X: Question: will hiding in a cabin with stockpiled chocolate goods be any part of this plan? B: No. X: Told you.

B: I figure I’ll go in through the elevator shaft and use the cable as tow lines, then blast open the facility doors and find the infirmary. R: Am I really worth all that?

B: Oh god, I’m sorry, did I hurt you? R: No. A giant skewer through the ribcage hurt me. That was just a reminder.

X: That’s great, Riley, and, you know, there’s no polite way to ask you this, but, uh… did they put a chip in your brain?

W: Tell you what - you two crazy kids take down an unstoppable killer cyber-demon hybrid thingy, and we’ll call it all even.

R: All I had in there was… this one little part of you. B: It’s just the scarf part of me, really.

B: Giles used to be part of this Council. And for years, all they ever did was give me orders. R: Ever obey them? B: Sure. The ones I was going to do anyway.

R: I just suck at the whole gray-area thing.

R: What are you doing? B: I am looking for brain-washy chips in your head. R: Finding any?

G: The puzzle, it seems to me, is why Adam has stayed dormant as long as he has. W: When he’s not making performance art out of other demons, that is.

B: What’s he charging up for? X: Based on the clues, I’ll go with a killing spree. R: And that’s a best-case scenario.

X: I’d say this qualifies for a worst-timing-ever award.

X: I’d hate to see the pursuit of a homicidal lunatic get in the way of pursuing a homicidal lunatic.

W: Oh, I have an idea. Beat the crap out of her. X: Good plan.

W: What about the Council? X: Been there, tried that. Not unlike smothering a forest fire with napalm, as I recall. G: Well, the Initiative, they do have containment facilities. X: One word: evil!

W: Yeah, too bad. That was the funnest coma ever.

B: We don’t know what she’s thinking, what she’s feeling… X: Who she’s doing.

G: Perhaps there’s some form of rehabilitation we just haven’t thought about. W: And if not, ass-kicking makes a solid Plan B.

W: What did you tell him? B: The truth - that she’s my wacky identical cousin from England, and whenever she visits, hijinks ensue. W: It’s good you guys have such an honest relationship.

W: How’d you handle the Angel-y parts? B: I did some editing.

W: Any luck? B: I couldn’t find her. Don’t know exactly where to place that on the luck continuum.

B: If I were her, I’d get out of Dodge, post-hasty. F: You’re not me.

B: I’ve been looking for you. F: I’ve been standing still for eight months, B. How hard you look?

F: That’s the thing about a coma. You wake up all rested and rejuvenated, and ready for payback. B: So much for pleasantries, huh? F: What’d you think, I’d wake up and we’d go for tea? You tried to gut me, Blondie.

F: Try it, Red, and you lose an arm.

F: I wake up to find this blond chick isn’t even dating the guy she was so nuts about before. I mean, she’s moved on to the first college beefstick she meets. And not only has she forgotten about the love of her life, she’s forgotten all about the chick she nearly killed for him. So that’s my dream. That and some stuff about cigars and a tunnel.

F: Payback’s a bitch. W: Look who’s talking.

W: Thanks for coming with. Hunting for a psychopathic super-bitch is definitely in the above-and-beyond category. T: It’s okay, really. So, what do we do if we find her? W: Run. Flee. Maybe skedaddle.

W: What? T: You said recon. You’re, like, cool monster-fighter. W: Well, technically, Faith isn’t a monster. And as far as fighting, I’d be lucky to bruise her fist with my face. T: Oh. W: What? T: Face punching. I’m not so good with the whole… W: Swimming? T: Violence.

W: She’s like this cleavagey slutbomb walking around going, “Ooh, check me out. I’m wicked cool. I’m five-by-five.” T: Five-by-five? Five what by five what? W: See, that’s the thing. No one knows.

T: So, we recon till nightfall? W: Then the ritual hiding begins.

S: What do you need? X: Her. Dark hair, yea tall, name of Faith, criminally insane. G: Have you seen her? S: Is this bird after you? X: In a bad way, yeah. S: Tell you what I’ll do, then. I’ll head out, find this girl, tell her exactly where all of you are, and then watch… as she kills you. Can’t any one of your damned little Scooby club at least try to remember that I hate you all?

S: And here I thought the evening would be dull.

S: Dark hair, this tall, name of Faith. Criminally insane. I like this girl already. X: We’re dumb.

MW: But on the other hand, heck, maybe we won. And right now, I’m on some jumbo monitor in the Richard Wilkins Museum, surrounded by a bunch of kids sitting Indian-style and looking up at my face, filled with fear and wonder. Hi, kids!

MW: Don’t worry, it’s not gonna bite. That’s my job.

MW: Here’s the good news - just because it’s over for my Faith, doesn’t mean she can’t go out with a bang.

B: She’s a very dangerous woman. R: Okay, I get it, Faith bad. Do I look like I’m arguing? B: Not yet. But you always make that innocent face right before you start. R: Figured that out, huh? Damn. Took Mom twelve years to catch that one.

B: It’s a long story. R: I’m from Iowa. We drive four hours for a high-school football game. Try me.

B: And did I mention the psycho-killer part?

F:“Ruby Sunset”… “Burgundy Skyline”? “Harlot.” Mm, way to go, Joyce.

F: Anyway, for real now, I’m gonna ask you something, and you gotta promise you’ll be honest and not spare my feelings just ’cause I could kill you. You promise? J: I promise. F: Okay. How do I look? J: Psychotic. F: Hmmm, I was shooting for sultry, but hey…

F: You’re thinking, “You’ll never get away with this!” Warm? J: Actually, I was thinking my daughter is going to kill you soon. F: That a fact? J: More like a bet. F: Whoa. You got a pair on you, Joyce. I like seeing that in a woman your age.

J: Were you planning to slit my throat any time soon?

F: I mean, you’re her mother, and she just leaves you here to die.

B: Hi, Mom. J: Hi, honey.

F: Thought I’d got to the clean marine, didn’t you? He’s a cutie. Looks like he could use a good roll in the sack. B: You’re not his type. He’s not big on sleaze. F: He’s probably just never tried it.

J: You sure you’re okay? B: Five-by-five.

Credit: The Sunnydale Slayers