As You Were
Writer/Director: Doug Petrie
Cast: Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers, Nicholas Brendon as Xander Harris, Emma Caulfield as Anya, Michelle Trachtenberg as Dawn Summers, James Marsters as Spike, Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg.
Guest stars: Marc Blucas as Riley Finn and Ivana Milisevic as Sam.
Original air date: February 26, 2002
My one-line description: and suddenly, something new came to Sunnydale a normal guy.
At the Doublemeat Palace, Buffy is busy scraping the grill while a fellow worker, Todd, talks on and on about his plans not to stay here at the DMP but rather to go on to higher studies. He talks down to Buffy about her not being in college, but she tells him she¹s applied for readmittance at UC Sunnydale. He wishes her good luck with that, then leaves her to finish cleaning up alone.
On her way home, Buffy encounters a vampire who attacks her and then draws back, commenting on her greasy smell, asking her if she¹s been working in a slaughterhouse. He proposes they call it quits for tonight, but an offended Slayer dusts him. Arriving home, Buffy finds Spike waiting for her on her porch with a specific idea on his mind. She tries to talk him out of it, telling him Dawn¹s waiting for her. But he¹s persuasive, and they end up on the lawn
Finally going inside, Buffy presents Dawn with supper a flattened paper bag containing a Doublemeat Medley. Dawn politely tells her sister that she can¹t go on eating burgers every night, and she¹s saved from having to stomach this one when Willow arrives to take the teen to the Bronze. The redhead notices Buffy¹s appearance bruises and grass stains and blames it on battling vampires. “He¹s not getting any softer”, Buffy mutters, before correcting herself. Willow and Dawn leave for the Bronze, sans Buffy, who¹s quite tired and depressed.
At the Bronze, Anya and Xander nervously snack on chips while planning the wedding reception. Dawn asks them if they¹re nervous, and both of them answer snappily that they¹re not. Realizing she won¹t go very far with them tonight, Dawn backtracks and goes to join Willow. The two of them have drinks and discuss the wedding, and the conversation eventually shifts to Tara. Dawn gets Willow to admit that Tara wouldn¹t hang up if she called her.
The next day starts badly for Buffy, who wakes up to the sound of the garbage truck. She rushes to get the garbage outside, but the truck has already driven away. Later, as Dawn prepares to leave for school, Buffy finds a letter from UC Sunnydale on the kitchen counter. As Dawn leaves, the Slayer opens the letter and learns that her application has been rejected.
That night, at the Doublemeat Palace, Buffy tends to the grill again. Todd, still yapping about his career moves, sends her to the front counter to take the customers¹ orders. Buffy obeys and tonelessly welcomes the first customer, then looks up to recognize Riley Finn
As Buffy stares at him, Riley, now with a long scar on his face, urgently asks Buffy to help him with a mission he¹s on. After taking a moment to notice that Riley really is tall and that she¹s wearing a hat with a cow on it Buffy finally leaves the counter and walks away with Riley, leaving a bewildered Todd behind.
On the street, Riley explains he¹s after a very prolific demon who could really spell disaster for the town and the world. He doesn¹t have to explain much the demon appears and chases people away, and Riley and Buffy attack him. It wounds Riley and smashes the Slayer into a wall before escaping. Chasing him into an alley, Buffy and Riley manage to tag him before it gets away again.
The pair follows the demon with Riley¹s SUV; while Riley drives, Buffy changes into some Army-issue undercover clothing. The two catch up, and Buffy hints to her ex-boyfriend that if his experiences in Central America didn¹t include dying, she has him beaten
Somewhere else, Anya and Xander sit in their car in the middle of a traffic jam, stressed out, hoping to get to the airport on time to pick up Xander¹s family and some of Anya¹s demon friends.
Riley stops his SUV at the Sunnydale Dam, where apparently the demon is hiding at the bottom. Riley hooks up a rappelling cord, tells Buffy to climb on him, and they slide down the side of the dam. They¹ve just landed at the bottom when the demon attacks again; Buffy defends Riley, and manages to fight off the demon. As they recover and Buffy looks intensely at Riley a woman also clad in fighting gear appears and asks her what she¹s doing with her husband.
The demon a Suvolte demon, it¹s called attacks again, and the woman quickly jumps into the fight. Meanwhile, Riley introduces a shocked Buffy to Sam his wife and explains how they got married. But then the demon delivers a serious blow to Sam, and Riley rushes to help her. Buffy approaches the Suvolte from behind, latches on to it, and snaps its neck. Beaming, happy to have impressed Riley and Sam, she looks at them but they¹re shocked. They expected to catch the demon alive
Sam takes it in stride, blaming Riley for not briefing Buffy; then she takes a knife from him and starts cutting into the demon¹s innards. She concludes that they¹re too late, and Riley asks Buffy if there¹s a safe place they can go to. The Slayer suggests they go to her house, saying that she doesn¹t know if it¹s safe, but that sometimes you can never leave (har har). On the way there, Riley explains that Sam has good cutting skills because she¹s a doctor which obviously doesn¹t improve Buffy¹s self-esteem.
At the house, the Scoobies are surprised and pleased that Riley is back except Dawn, who gives him the cold shoulder because of the way he left a year before. Willow whispers privately to Buffy that she¹s prepared to hate Sam, since Buffy herself can¹t hate her.
However, Sam proves herself likeable, even standing up for Dawn when Buffy asks her to go away as they discuss the gory details of the demon. Riley¹s wife explains that the Suvolte can multiply quickly and destroy entire towns in no time and as luck would have it, it¹s come to Sunnydale to lay a full nest of eggs. A dealer known as “The Doctor” is suspected of being paid to harbour the eggs.
Riley suggests that Willow help with magic, but the redhead nervously declines, admitting that she got addicted and had to quit. Abandoning that idea, Riley assigns Buffy and Sam to look for the nest, while he tries to find The Doctor. Following Willow in the kitchen, Sam tells her about how Riley and her had met a couple of warlocks in Central America who had gotten addicted to magic and completely disappeared. She congratulates Willow on having the strength to stop, and the redhead, while saying nothing, is obviously pleased.
As they patrol in the cemetery, Sam tells Buffy how honoured she is of finally meeting the Slayer. She tells Buffy how long it took Riley to forget her, and how much she mattered to him. After asking Buffy whether she regrets letting him leave to which Buffy answers that she does, a little Sam asks her about her love life. Answering vaguely, the Slayer gets “the urge” and tells Sam that it might be a good idea if they split up. While Sam goes to look for her husband, Buffy makes a beeline for Spike¹s crypt.
In the crypt, Buffy starts by asking Spike about The Doctor, but after he fails to give her information, she suddenly asks him to tell her he loves her and that he wants her, pulling him to her for some comfort. This leads to bed, of course And a few hours later, when they wake up, they find Riley standing there Spike takes the opportunity to gloat about having Buffy, but Riley brushes the subject aside, calling Spike “Doctor” and demanding to know where he¹s hiding the eggs.
Spike denies being the Doctor or knowing about the eggs, but Riley, confident about his sources, starts searching in a rather brutal manner. Buffy tries to stop him, telling him that there¹s no way Spike could be involved. But in the lower level of the crypt, lo and behold they find the eggs. Shocked and disappointed, Buffy starts bickering with Spike, and he finally goes to storm out of the crypt when the eggs begin to hatch. Little demons start skittering about, and Buffy and Riley have to flee. After they¹ve made it to the upper lever, Riley throws a grenade down despite Spike¹s outrage blowing the demons to kingdom come and destroying a good part of the crypt.
At their apartment, Xander and Anya huddle in the bathroom while Xander¹s relatives wreak havoc. The two argue about Xander being so interested in Riley and Sam¹s wedding, and he reassures her he¹s not scared, he¹s confident that the wedding will be perfect.
Meanwhile, Riley is having a chat in private with Buffy. He tactfully brings up her relatiohsip with Spike, asking her if she wants him to take “The Doctor” out. Admitting that she¹s sleeping with the vampire, Buffy tells him that she doesn¹t want him taken out, and goes on to tell him that she¹s admitting defeat, that her life is a wreck, and that Riley is there at the most perfect moment in his own life to witness it. However, he tells her that where she works, how she¹s dealing with life, who she¹s sleeping with doesn¹t matter she¹s still the strongest woman he¹s ever known. Buffy tries to apologize for causing him to leave, but Riley doesn¹t want to dwell on it.
In an outside open space, at night, the gang gathers to say goodbye to Riley and Sam. While Riley gives Xander wedding tips, Sam makes sure that Willow has her e-mail address. Then, as a helicopter waits overhead, Riley succeeds in getting a hug from Dawn then the married couple is lifted up into the night.
The next day, Buffy goes to see Spike in his crypt. He thinks she¹s there for more sex, but she tells him that it¹s over between them. She admits to having feelings for him, but denies she could ever love him; she adds that she¹s been playing with him, and that it¹s wrong. He panics and tries to argue, but she says “I¹m sorry William.” and walks away.
Summary by OttsFiveByFive.
Episode Ratings
Mac -
“Riley came back. Most people hate this episode because of the Buffy/Spike break up. I, on the other hand, loved it. Well, not loved it. Most of it made no sense whatsoever, especially from most of the character dialogue. But I can’t pass up giving this at least a 3 for the you-know-what.”
Quotes
(B=Buffy, X=Xander, W=Willow, S=Spike, A=Anya, T=Tara, D=Dawn, R=Riley, Sa=Sam Finn)
—
DP Guy: And the gum under the tables, be sure to give it a good scrape before you go.
B: May I?
DP Guy: See you tomorrow.
B: Yes you will. And the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that…
Vamp: What’s that smell? Geeze, Slayer, is that you?
B: I’ve been working.
Vamp: Where, in a slaughterhouse?
B: Doublemeat Palace.
Vamp: Ohhh… You know what? Let’s just call it a night. If it’s all the same to you, and you’ve been eating that stuff, I’m not so sure I want to bite you.
B: You’re dead. You smell like it. How do you get to say I’m the one who’s stinky?
B: Oh, for pete’s sake. Spike?
S: It’s a fair cop. You caught me Slayer. However, in all honesty, I think we have to say this one doesn’t count. After all, I wasn’t exactly hiding.
S: So it’s the fear of getting caught then, is it?
B: Reason number one on a very long list.
W: Dawnie and I are headed out to the Bronze.
D: Do I have your permission, and wanna come along? You like how I slipped in that permission request like that?
W: Very smooth.
B: Have a good time. Somebody should.
X: I’m starting to have dreams of gardenia bouquets. I am so glad my manly coworkers didn’t just hear me say that.
A: Will you stop wolfing down those chips? One more bag and you’ll pop right out of your cummerbund. You’re not even hungry, you’re just nervous.
X: Yeah! Wedding, one week. We have friends, family, demons flying in, a to-do list getting no shorter, and do not… take my chips.
W: So how are Mr. and Mrs. High-Strung?
D: I’m betting they explode.
W: But if I did call, she wouldn’t hang up on me.
D: That’s progress.
W: Hence the happy.
D: Bronze was fun last night. In a total home-by-elevenish kind of way.
R: Hey.
B: Huh?
B: You’re here.
R: I know.
B: And, were you always this tall?
R: This isn’t the way I wanted it, but something’s come up, something big, and we don’t have much time. You understand?
B: Not a word you’ve said so far.
R: I want to explain, I just don’t have time. I’ve been up for 48 hours straight tracking something bad, and now it’s come to Sunnydale.
B: My hat has a cow.
R: Suvolte demon - rare, lethal, nearly extinct. But not nearly enough.
B: So they’re like really mean tribbles.
R: You ready for this?
B: Yes, please.
R: National Forestry Service, we got a wild bear!
B: Nice wheels.
R: Came with the car.
R: How you doing?
B: Complicated question.
R: I just meant…
B: I know.
R: I hear you. I got some, uh, big stories to tell you, too. If we ever get half a second.
B: Did you die?
R: No.
B: I’m gonna win.
R: No offense, but this is black ops and you look like a pylon.
B: Ninja wear.
R: Battle gear. Lightweight kevlar. State of the art.
B: What a surprise.
R: Boys like toys. Put it on. Thank me later.
A: I think we died in this car on the way to the airport, and now we’re stuck in hell.
X: The radio said no traffic.
A: It’s a hell radio. Of course it said so.
A: We’ll never get to the airport in time to pick up your stupid uncle.
X: It just gives my Uncle Rory more time at the bar. Trust me, he’ll be happy.
A: Great. So he can sleep off his drunken stupor on our newly reupholstered couch.
X: I hate my uncle. I hate my whole family. That’s why I’m marrying you, to start a new family, have children, make them hate us. Then one day, they’ll get married, we’ll sleep on their couch. It’s the circle of life.
A: Well, the gnarols are teleporting in in 20 minutes. If I’m not there to greet them, somebody’s getting incinerated.
X: Why did we ever agree to have your friends, who are demons, and my family, who are monsters, stay at our place?
A: Planning this marriage is like staging the invasion of Normandy.
X: Without the laughs.
A: It’s going to be our perfect, perfect day if I have to kill every one of our guests and half this town to do it.
Sa: What exactly are you doing with my husband?
B: Husband? Wife. And those aren’t code names like Big Dog or Falcon or…?
B: How long have you been married?
R: Four months, almost.
B: Mazel tov. Any children?
B: So, you guys do this often, you know, the whole husband-
wife tag-team demon-fighting thing?
R: It’s what brought us together.
Sa: You got a safe-house?
B: I have a house. I think it’s safe.
W: Just so you know, I’m prepared to hate this woman any way you want.
W: Please - let me carry the hate for the both of us.
B: Go nuts.
B: Which means we have to find the nest, and fast, before Sunnydale turns into the Troublemeat Palace. I wish I’d said something else.
B: So who’s hungry? We got…
D: Ice cubes.
B: All you can eat.
Sa: Patrolling with the real live Slayer. You’re like Santa Claus or Buddha or something.
B: Fat and jolly?
S: I don’t usually use the word delicious, but I’ve got a wager this little tableau must sting a bit, hey?
S: What can I say? The girl just needs a little monster in her, man.
R: Glad to be back in Sunnydale. The locals all speak English, and I know who to beat for information.
R: We can do this the hard way or we can do this the fatal way.
B: He’s too incompetent. It’s just Spike, Riley.
R: Right. Deadly, amoral, opportunistic. Or have you forgotten?
R: Can you shut him up?
B: Not so far.
B: I’m not exactly gun girl.
R: You want to live, learn fast!
X: But granted, I have a hard time imagining Nick and Nora Fury hiding out from their own relatives in a bathroom.
A: So our wedding… is not our marriage.
X: Separate things. One fills me with a dread akin to public speaking engagements.
A: And that would be the wedding.
B: I’m sleeping with Spike.
R: I had actually noticed that.
R: Hey! You want me to say that I liked seeing you in bed with that idiot? Or that blinding orange is your very best color? Or that that burger smell is appealing?
B: You smelled the smell?
R: You’re still the first woman I ever loved, and the strongest woman I’ve ever known. And I’m not advertising this to the missus, but you’re still quite the hottie.
Sa: Well, the wedding itself was held in a military chopper just before a hairy night drop into hostile territory.
X: Huh. And just curious, what’s a chopper rental run these days?
W: What a bitch.
S: I’ve memorized this tune, luv. I think I have the sheet music.
Credit: The Sunnydale Slayers