First Date

Writer: Jane Espenson Director : David Grossman Cast : Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers, Nicholas Brendon as Xander Harris, Emma Caulfield as Anya, Michelle Trachtenberg as Dawn Summers, James Marsters as Spike, Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg. Main guest stars : Anthony Stewart Head as Rupert Giles, Ashanti as Lyssa, Danny Strong as Jonathan, Tom Lenk as Andrew, Iyari Limon as Kennedy, Sarah Hagan as Amanda, Kristy Wu as Chao-Ann, DB Woodside as Robin Wood Original broadcast date : February 11, 2003

My one-line description: Wood makes mama proud. Xander makes Larry proud.

In a flashback, Giles is crouched in front of a wounded Robson, as a Bringer approaches from behind and swings his axe… At the last possible moment, Giles’ left arm stops the axe by the handle. He punches the Bringer, grabs the axe and beheads him with it.

Giles is walking in the cemetery with Buffy, Kennedy, Amanda and new SIT Chao-Ann (who doesn’t speak English), recounting his escape from death and calling it “extraordinary good luck”. Not to mention, he says rather smugly his training, and his instinct… Suddenly something tackles Giles to the ground – it’s Spike. As they roll to the ground, Spike disentangles himself from Giles, surprised that he’s corporeal – he thought Giles was the First. Giles is himself surprised that Spike’s chip didn’t go off, and Buffy explains that they had it removed by the commandos. Giles is obviously less than thrilled.

Giles takes up the question of Spike being de-chipped with Buffy while she’s getting ready for work. She chalks it up to instinct, the same he used to detect the Bringer (actually, Giles admits, he detected the Bringer because his shoes squeaked). Giles says he’s concerned, what with the SITs around, and all the other dangers.Buffy is adamant that they have to give him a chance, and anyway he has a soul now. Giles wonders if her feelings for the vampire are a factor, and Buffy reassures him – they aren’t physical. In the end, he tells her he hopes she’s right about Spike – she’s gambling a lot of lives on it.

Daytime, lumber-yard-hardware store. Xander and some construction workers are watching a guy doing a pipe-cutting demonstration. Suddenly Xander turns and spots a beautiful young woman inspecting the rope displays. He walks over to her and asks if she needs help. She introduces herself as Lyssa – she’s looking for advice on the solidity of the rope, which she says is for a kayak she wants to tie up in her garage (and not for bondage fun as Xander jokingly says). They definitely have a good first contact, and Xander invites her to coffee.

At school, Buffy walks into Principal Wood’s office and starts snooping around, looks for signs of evilness. She spots a huge, wooden cabinet on the wall, and moves to open it – just when Wood calls to her from the doorway. She nervously says she’s looking for supplies, and tries to leave. But before she can, he asks her what she’s doing that evening. After she admits she may just be watching “a reality show about a millionaire”, he asks her out to dinner. They both joke uneasily about her job not depending on her accepting the invitation, but then she accepts, and leaves. After she’s gone, Wood retrieves a handkerchief from his pockets, unwraps it to reveal a bloodied knife, and wipes it clean. He then goes to the wall cabinet and opens it, revealing a normal whiteboard. However, it rolls up to reveal… a weapons display, where Wood puts the knife in its right place.

In the living room, Buffy and Willow are gossiping about Wood’s invitation to dinner. For a moment, Buffy grows serious as she notes that Wood sits in top of the Hellmouth day after day, being showered from beneath – a “bidet of evil” (har har). Willow asks if she’s interested in Wood, and Buffy admits he looks solid, strong and normal, not full of wicked energy. Willow says it’s good for her to move on, and Buffy groans at the fact that everyone in the house thinks she’s in love with Spike. Willow backpedals and says she meant from being alone.

Xander burst in, giddy with the news of his date, but Willow steals his punch by announcing Buffy’s date with Wood. Xander is unhappy that the girls aren’t reacting as happily to the news that he also has a date. Buffy comforts him by saying that her date may be evil-intentioned – however, Willow points out, Wood is only 10 years older than her, a refreshing change from 100 year-old dates. Willow teases Buffy, saying she thinks they’re going to make out, but Buffy threatens to start talking about Willow’s new girlfriend… The redhead quickly changes the subject to Xander’s date.

Giles comes in the front door laden with shopping bags, Chao-Ann in tow. Apparently they’ve been shopping for clothes for the newest SIT. Xander says it must be rough on her, being torn from her home; Giles says the language barrier is also proving difficult, since Chao-Ann speaks Cantonese, of which he has very little knowledge. However, he adds, ice cream is the universal language – but Chao-Ann comments, in Cantonese, that she has lactose intolerance! (har har) Buffy asks what she’s just said, and Giles shakily replies she’s “grateful to be in the land of the plenty.” As he and Chao-Ann go upstairs with the bags, Buffy instructs Willow to do a computer search on Wood. The redhead offers to do the same for Xander’s date, but he confidently decides to go in blind on this one.

In the kitchen, Andrew is flipping through the owner’s manual for the new microwave oven, when Jonathan appears. As Andrew stares in shock, Jonathan berates him for not being able to use his brain to program a microwave oven clock. Andrew pulls out a wooden cross to ward off what he knows to be the First, but the apparition just waves his hand through the cross, mock-groaning in false pain before reminding Andrew that he’s not corporeal – and also not a vampire.

Andrew asks what he wants, and Jonathan/First says he has an assignment for him – kill the SITs. Andrew is reluctant, but the First seemingly badgers him into it, saying that it won’t be like when he had to stab Jonathan – he can use the gun Willow brought into the house.

In the washroom, Anya, trying to clean a stain out of a shirt, chats with Buffy about her date. Finally admitting defeat, she hands the shirt back to Buffy, saying the stain, either blood or pizza, isn’t coming out. She then starts to rant about Xander’s date, and it’s obvious that she’s jealous – she admits it herself. Buffy tactfully leaves, and bumps into Spike in the hallway. There’s an uneasy moment as she debates whether to cover the frilly undershirt she’s wearing, but Spike cuts to the point and says that her going on a date is OK with him. Buffy tries to lighten up the atmosphere by telling him he should try dating too, and then excuses herself, walking past him. He just looks ahead, pensive.

That night, Xander is in a coffee place, nervously waiting for Lyssa. She arrives, looking stunning, and asks what he’s having. He says it’s a red eye – black coffee with a shot of expresso – but she grabs the mug, sniffs it and realizes it’s actually coco. She then orders a red eye for herself, saying it sounded good.

Meanwhile, at the Summers house, Willow is researching Principal Wood on Google and not turning up much. Only recently-moved-to-town stuff, she reports to Dawn and Kennedy. Anya enters the room, looking disgusted, with Giles right behind her, carrying “educational” sheets of paper. The girls look at the sheets – they’re flashcard drawings of… well, horrible scenes, with lots of blood and slaying – Dawn actually looks at one of a Turok-Han and its bloody, torn-in-two victim. Willow asks if Giles showed these to Chao-Ann, and he says that he did – he wanted to fully prepare her to the life of a SIT. Instead, she ran upstairs in her room… Willow changes the topic, asking Giles if he wants to help research Buffy’s date. Despite Willow’s assurances that it’s not so much a date as an investigation, Giles is a bit miffed that Buffy would worry about social matters at a time like this, when prime evil is around. From the shadows, Andrew watches…

In an back alley, Buffy is accompanying Principal Wood to a restaurant he assures her is just ahead, and worth the trip. Suddenly, however, they’re surrounded by vampires. Buffy clicks into Slayer mode, taking out three of the vampires. She then turns angrily, starting to accuse Wood of setting her up… and she sees him battling the three remaining vampires, and doing very well – even pulling out a stake at the right time. When the last one is dusted, he approaches Buffy, who is quite stunned. “I think we should talk”, he says. They resume their walk to the restaurant, which is indeed right ahead… At the coffee place, Lyssa and Xander are talking about his failed wedding. She’s amazed that he feels guilty over this, but he comments that what would have been their “anniversary” is coming up soon. Glumly, he apologizes to Lyssa for the “date” they’re on. Smiling, she says she can think of something fun to do…

At the restaurant, which is actually a very posh French place, Wood admits to Buffy that he’s been known to fight demons and vamps here and there. She asks if he knows who she is, and he says that she’s the Slayer. Still not believing all of this, Buffy asks why he took the Principal’s job at Sunnydale High. He says he does like the job, but he knows something big is going down soon and he needs to be there when it happens. He couldn’t reveal himself to her until he could face the fight himself. So, Buffy asks, he knew all along who she was? Yes, he did. She then asks how come he knows about the Slayers. Easy, he says – his mother was one. Buffy is amazed that a Slayer actually had a child, but Wood says that as far as he knows she was the only one – and she was killed when he was four years old. Buffy wonders how she died, and he says it was a vampire – and in his 20s he did his avenging son thing, killing vampires, hoping to stumble across the one who killed his mother. He still does. Buffy asks whether he has any superpowers, but he says he doesn’t – he was taught by his mother’s Watcher, who took him in as a child. Finally, Buffy asks why he chose this dark restaurant to reveal himself to her; he says he doesn’t know how it happened, but it did. They smile at each other, now pretty much at ease.

In the empty Summers living room, Andrew reports to Jonathan/The First that he found the gun… in Buffy’s panty drawer. He takes out the gun and shows it to the First, who then calmly begins giving him instructions – the SITs will panic once he starts shooting, so he should trap them in the basement first. Andrew asks why the girls have to be killed, and the First replies that it’s to extinguish the Slayer line. Andrew then asks why Spike can’t do it. “It’s not time for him yet”, the First says. Taking this in, Andrew starts acting strange, asking the First whether he has any weaknesses he should know about. The First wonders why he wants to know, and Andrew starts rambling about wanting to serve him the best he can. Suddenly, the First realizes Andrew is wearing a wire…

In the basement, Willow jumps up from a table, headphones dropping off her head. Around her and the recording equipment are Dawn, Kennedy and Amanda.

Upstairs, Jonathan/The First advances on a very nervous Andrew, saying that he controls the nerd. “I made you do this”, he says – and his hands are suddenly covered in blood, Jonathan’s blood. As Andrew panics, the First blames him for this, for making his friend suffer an eternity of pain. As he speaks, his face begins getting paler and decomposing; he tells Andrew he started on this path and has to keep going. Suddenly, Andrew stops shaking and tells the First he’s good now, and will not kill innocent girls – and when this fight is over, he will pay for killing Jonathan. “Oh, you’ll pay alright”, the First says – pay for pissing off the First.

“You think you’re so smart”, the First tells the assembled girls downstairs. He tells them only what he wants them to hear, he says. He appears – a decayed, rotting Jonathan – “So many dead girls…” he comments, before disappearing.

Lyssa is busy acquainting Xander with her idea of fun – tying him up, bare-chested, to the circular rack above the Seal of Danthazar in the school basement. As she raises the rack with the new rope she bought, he curses his luck, saying he just knew this was another demon date…

While Dawn peels off the microphones taped to Andrew’s chest, Spike and Giles are discussing the recent events with Willow, Kennedy, Anya and Amanda. Spike wants to know why they attempted to record the First, knowing it would just piss it off; Willow says they wanted to get information, of which they have very little. The vampire then asks why it appeared to Andrew, and not to him – Andrew reports what the First said about it not being time for Spike yet; this gets worried looks from both Spike and Giles. Andrew complains about the tape hurting him, but Dawn soothes him by saying he did a good job. Anya then asks him what the First wanted him to do; “Kill all the girls”, he says, before rectifying that he means all the SITs. Giles is angry at this, saying that he knew they should be concentrating on the matter at hand instead of going out on dates. He wants to get a hold of Buffy, and Willow offers to call her. She takes out her cell, but sees she’s got a text message from Xander, and realizes that it’s one of the codes the Scoobies have worked out between them. However, she can’t remember if it means “I just got lucky, don’t call me for a while” or “I dated a demon who’s trying to kill me.” Dawn comments they should play the percentages and assume that Xander is in danger. Andrew adds that Buffy would know what to do, and Willow dials her number – only to have Buffy’s phone ring on a table nearby, with the message “Willow calling” on the LCD screen. Spike decides to go out and find Buffy, saying he can follow her scent.

At the restaurant, Buffy is enjoying the food and the company – Wood even flirtatiously stuffs a peach in her mouth with a fork – when suddenly they realize Spike is standing there. “It’s Xander”, he grimly tells Buffy.

Suspended over the Seal, Xander nervously explains to Lyssa why she does *not* want to open it. She knows, however – a vicious and feral vampire comes out. And that is a good idea… why, he asks? Because, she says, the end is coming and it’s time to choose sides and get help. She reaches out for a dagger, and her eyes turn cat-like and yellow as she stabs him with it. He cries out as blood begins dripping on the dagger, and onto the Seal…

In Wood’s SUV, racing down the street, Spike explains to Buffy that Willow did a locator spell, that’s how they know Xander is at the school. Wood isn’t surprised – that place is the center of everything. After a moment of silence, Wood looks up at Spike in the rearview mirror and asks how Buffy and Spike know each other. They work together in the struggle against evil, Buffy replies. “Cool”, Wood says. Buffy calls out for Xander as she opens the basement door. She attacks Lyssa, who manages, however, to throw her off. Lyssa then attacks Spike and pins him to the ground, making him go into vamp face. “A vampire…” a stunned Wood realizes. However, he quickly regroups and rushes over to Xander; he starts to cut his bonds with a knife, as Xander urges him to hurry – the Seal is opening. A clawed hand creeps out, and grabs Wood’s ankle just as he finishes freeing Xander. The Principal moves Xander away from the Seal, and without the blood flow, it closes… cutting off the clawed hand.

Spike is taking a pounding at Lyssa’s hands, when Buffy comes at her again. Lyssa once again throws the Slayer off, and Spike comes back – only to get pounded again. Buffy takes Lyssa on again, and this time, manages to chop her head off. As it falls to the ground, both it and the body revert to a demonic form…

Spike picks himself up as Buffy rushes to his side (wait… isn’t Xander the one who’s seriously wounded?) and Wood looks on, his eyes cold. Finally, Buffy goes to Xander, and he asks her how her date is going. Not well, if one is to judge from the way Spike and Wood are looking at each other…

At the house, Dawn is on watch at the open front door, while Anya paces back and forth, worrying about Xander… Giles passes by, bearing a glass of milk; Chao-Ann rushes downstairs, wondering if the “flashcard monsters” are attacking (but of course no one can understand her). Giles offers her a glass of milk to help her sleep, making her angry (“You’re trying to kill me!” she shouts in Cantonese).

Finally, Dawn announces that Buffy and Xander are back. The two come in, Xander looking the worse for wear – his waist is bandaged. He announces that he’s going gay and asks Willow to “gay him up”, tell him what to do. The mood turns light as Dawn and Buffy joke that Clem always liked Xander. Just then, Giles gets angry and silences everyone, saying that there’s no time for fun and games, that the girls are going to die, as the Scoobies also may.

Spike joins Buffy, who is sitting alone in the living room, and asks if anybody told her what happened at the house that night. Buffy replies that Willow told her – the First is back. Spike thinks he should move out and leave town, since the First apparently has plans for him. Buffy asks him to stay – she’s not ready for him to not be there. “And Wood? How does he fit it?” Spike asks.

Wood is at home, washing his face from the sink. He looks up to see his mother’s reflection in the mirror. “You’re not my mother”, he says coldly. He walks right through her, trying to ignore her, but his curiosity gets the best of him. “So you’re the First”, he says. He asks why the First is visiting him now, and she replies that he’s been coming up in the world, and it’s time. Wood replies that he has no use for the First, but she offers to tell him who killed her… He’s known him, met him, fought at his side. “Spike…” Wood realizes. “Now, what do you say?” the First asks in a motherly tone. “Thank you”, Wood finally whispers. Summary by OttsFiveByFive

Special thanks to Loey.

Ratings

Episode Ratings

OttsFivebyFive -

“While much was revealed about Robin Wood and his agenda, and while there was comical value in regards to Xander and his date, Chao-Ann and Giles, and Andrew and the First, this episode didn’t touch me as much as it could have. On an emotional level, I perceived it more as a standalone, probably because of Xander and Lyssa¹s secondary plot. Also - Buffy going to check on Spike even though Xander is badly hurt makes one go ‘huh?’ at best. “

Mac -

“This episode was roll-off-my-chair funny. There were so many soon to be classic lines that it actually FELT like a regular Buffy, and not this “we’re not trying anymore” Buffy. For that I am extremely greatful. The wire scene, the “gay me up, Will” scene, everything having to do with Andrew, Xander, Willow and Anya. It was the most fun I’ve had watching the show since CwDP (which was co-written by, ironically, Jane Espenson). If they could simply give every episode to Jane and the Ultimate Drew (not Greenberg), the series would be saved. Excellent show.”

Quotes

(B=Buffy, X-Xander, W=Willow, S=Spike, D=Dawn, A=Anya, Aw=Andrew, K=Kennedy, G=Giles, Am=Amanda, Key: PW=Principal Wood

G: But I honestly feel the largest part of it was instinct. Instinct and…and reflexes. There’s a sort of wary watchfulness I’ve developed over the years. It’s like another sense…

*at the same time* G: Hey! You’re not in pain. � S: Hey! You’re not the First.

S: Anya said you were the First. Said you were evil. You’re supposed to be all go-through-able. G: Then what the hell did you tackle me for, you burke? What’s that supposed to do? S: I, uh, I didn’t think of that.

Chao-Ahn: (subtitle) I don’t understand a word any of you are saying.

B: Ah, you just heard the horror stories. Wear hoops, they’ll catch on something, rip your lobe off. Lobes flying everywhere.

B: You mean Spike not having a chip. Free range Spike?

B: Guess it was instinct, like you were talking about. G: I made that up! I knew the Bringer was there because his shoes squeaked.

B: Oh, nothing much. He was in the school basement, holding a shovel, acting evasive. Plus, he’s got that whole “too charming to be real” thing going on. I’m looking into it.

X: Hi, can I help? You seem kind of confused. Lyssa: You aren’t wearing a green apron. X: Confused, but sort of randomly observant.

Lyssa: I can’t even figure out if I’ve got the right kind of rope. X: That depends on what you need it for. Something like functional around the house, or, you know, recreational. By which I mean, for example, boating or mountain climbing…not for tying someone up for sexy, funky fun. In conclusion, rope can be useful in various ways.

Lyssa: I have a kayak. X: Again with the random. I like it.

X: Wanna have coffee with me later? Lyssa: What? X: Oh, you’re the only one that gets to be random?

B: Now, if I were a sign of being evil, where would I be?

PW: Um, what’re you doing tonight? B: Preparing for tomorrow’s counseling sessions. PW: No, really. B: Watching a reality show about a millionaire.

PW: I’d like to take you out to dinner, if that’s all right with you. I mean, you don’t have to. I’m certainly not saying come to dinner if you enjoy having a job. You know, I may have to make up a document saying I didn’t just say that and have you sign it.

B: Sure. I’d be happy to have dinner with you. PW: Great. I’ll draw up the paperwork.

B: I mean, he’s a Principal. He’s a young, hot Principal with earrings, but he’s a Principal. Why do you think he asked me out? I mean, he could be interested, right? W: Yeah, sure. You’re a frisky vixen.

B: Maybe I’m getting promoted for doing such a good job. W: *laughs, then gets serious* Oh, right, that…that makes sense too.

B: Or, maybe he knows that I suspect he’s up to something, and he’s taking me out to kill me. W: Well, you’ll have to dress for the ambiguity.

B: That’s got to be like being showered with evil. Only from underneath. W: Not really a shower. B: A bidet. Like a bidet of evil.

B: He’s good-looking, and he’s…he’s solid, he’s smart, he’s normal. So, not the wicked energy, which is nice ’cause I don’t want to only be attracted to wicked energy. Or what if he is wicked, in which case, is that why I’m attracted to him? W: I’m gonna wait for that sentence to come around again before I jump on.

X: Guys, guess what happened. W: Buffy got a date! X: No, I did. Fine. Way to steal my thunder.

B: If it makes you feel better, it’s Principal Wood, and I think he’s aligned with the First. X: Also, like ten years older than you, right? W: Which is like 100 years younger than your type! B: Yay. Someone who doesn’t remember the Industrial Revolution.

W: I think they’re gonna end up making out. “Oh, Principal Wood,” she’ll gasp, “I love your lack of wicked energy.” B: Watch it, or I’m gonna make you talk about your new girlfriend who you hold hands with under the dinner table and think we don’t notice.

W: How ’bout yours, Xander. Is she evil? X: Well, she’s interested in me, so there’s a good chance, but I’m hoping for the best.

G: Dear lord, I hate that mall. The shop assistants are rude. And everything in the Food Court is sticky.

G: I was concerned that my Mandarin is a little thin, but as it turns out, she speaks Cantonese, which is thinner. But we muddled through, and, as I suspected, ice cream is a universal language.

Caho-Ahn: *subtitle* Like many from Asia, I am lactose intolerant. I’m very uncomfortable.

B: What’d she say? G: She’s grateful to be in the land of plenty.

FE!Jonathon: You don’t need a manual, it’s intuitive. There’s a button marked “Clock Set” for pity’s sake. What kind of a nerd are you? No wonder you crashed your jet pack. Aw: No, get thee behind me. *pulls out a cross* I rebuke thee. Take that, The First!

Aw: What do you want from me, Jonathan slash The First?

FE!Jonathon: You think she’ll ever let you in? You’re a murderer. Aw: Confidentially, a lot of her people are murderers. Anya and Willow and Spike.

FE!Jonathon: Willow brought something to this house�something good, something you can use. Aw: The new microwave?

B: Well, it is unclear. That’s why I chose a top that says, you know, I’m comfortable in a stodgy office or a swinging casual setting…or killing you, you know, if you’re a demon. A: It also says I sometimes get blood on my shoulder. Or it might be pizza.

A: I was talking about this sham date of Xander’s. I think it’s part of a plan to make me jealous. B: Well, it’s not working. A: Are you nuts? Of course it’s working. Observe my…my bitter ranting. Hear the shrill edge of hysteria in my voice.

A: Fine, go. Leave me here to stew in my impotent rage. I’m also gonna pee, so you should probably go.

B: You don’t have to… S: What? Be noble? I’m not. Really, I’m all right. Think I still dream of a crypt for two with a white picket fence? My eyes are clear.

S: Never much cared for picket fences, anyway. Bloody dangerous.

B: You should try this too. The going out thing, I mean. I mean, there’s that girl you brought to Anya and Xander’s not-a-wedding. S: Oh, yeah, right. There’s always girls who like the look…bad boy, you know. Does it for some of them.

Lyssa: It’s hot cocoa. X: Well, sometimes I don’t sleep too good. I just lost macho points, didn’t I?

W: I’ve Googled ’til I just can’t Google no more.

G: Those are flashcards. I…I made them to facilitate her training. Chao-Ahn never had a watcher. The language problem… W: You showed her these? G: I wanted her to understand the seriousness of her situation. D: Holy crap!

G: Buffy has a date? A: Yes… Didn’t you hear? Everybody has a date. Buffy has a date. Willow’s been completely making out with this girl… K: Hey! A: Xander’s out with some hardware-store-whore. It’s Date Fest 2003.

W: Actually, Buffy’s investigating Principal Wood. It’s not a date. G: Really. W: Might be a date.

G: For God’s sake! How can anyone think about their social life? We are about to fight the original primal evil. These girls are in mortal danger. Didn’t you see the flashcards? This isn’t right.

B: Well, it is one of the nicer dark alleys.

B: And you know who I am? PW: You’re the slayer. B: Right. OK, um, so I’m guessing that you don’t work in an office 15 feet above the hell mouth because you enjoy educational administration?

B: So, you didn’t hire me for my counseling skills? PW: *laughs, then gets serious* They’re valuable too.

PW: OK. See, when I was a little boy, my mother was one. The one, actually…the slayer.

B: So, you decided to tell me? PW: That’s right. B: In a darkened, little romantic French restaurant?

FE!Jonathon: Did you find the gun? Aw: Yes, it was in Buffy’s underwear drawer. She has nice things. FE!Jonathon: Show me. Aw: Well, I didn’t take ’em, but there were thongs and regular underpants… FE!Jonathon: Show me the gun. Aw: Oh.

Aw: Say, um, do you have any weaknesses I should know about if I’m gonna work for you, like, uh, kryptonite or allergies?

Aw: Are you…are you made out of the evil impulses of humans, so if everyone was unconscious at the same time, you would fade away? FE!Jonathon: You’re asking a lot of questions. Aw: Yes, well, I, uh, because… ’cause I’m evil, and I want to do the best I can at that, so I want to…know stuff like when…when do we kill Buffy? FE!Jonathon: Are you wearing a wire?

Lyssa: Thanks for your help selecting the ropes. The one I picked wasn’t strong enough. X: Yeah, that would’ve been bad.

X: It can’t just keep happening that demon women find me attractive. There’s gotta be a reason. Lyssa: You just seem like a nice guy, that’s all. And I wanted to get to know you. X: And kill me? Lyssa: Sure. Do the ropes hurt? X: Yes. Lyssa: Good.

S: You tried to recall the ultimate evil? Why? In a complex effort to royally piss it off?

Aw: God, I never should have gone in wired. Redemption is hard.

Aw: Ow. I’m frightened. And my chest hurts where the tape was. D: It’s OK, Andrew. You did good. You stood up to it. That’s really amazing. Aw: Thank you. You’re a peach.

W: Oh, it’s from Xander. It’s one of our signals. Am: Signals? W: Yeah, the system we set up a while back. Like codes. Uh, this one’s either “I just got lucky, don’t call me for a while” or “my date’s a demon who’s trying to kill me.” K: You don’t remember which? W: It was a long time ago. D: Well, if we play the percentages… G: Something’s eating Xander’s head. A: Say, that’s gratifying.

X: I don’t think you understand what you’re getting yourself into. Lyssa: The seal opens, and a vicious feral vampire creature comes out. X: Well, then you do understand. But, uh, what makes you think that’s, like, a good idea?

A: Where are they? It’s after 2. I can’t believe Buffy hasn’t brought him home yet. His slut ate him up. W: His slut didn’t eat him up. And besides, I thought you were all angry at him. A: My feelings are changeable but intense.

Chao-Ahn: *subtitle* Why is everyone up? Are the flashcard monsters attacking?

G: She says she can’t sleep. Um, I made myself some warm milk. You can have it. Chao-Ahn: *subtitle* You’re trying to kill me! G: She’s shy.

A: Xander all right? D: Looks OK. A: Damn him!

X: I’m going gay. I’ve decided I’m turning gay. Willow, gay me up. Come on, let’s gay. W: What? X: You heard me. Just tell me what to do. I’m mentally undressing Scott Bakula right now. That’s a start, isn’t it? Aw: Captain Archer… X: Come on, let’s get this gay show on the gay road. Help me out here. B: What if you just start attracting male demons? D: Clem always liked you. A: It would serve you right. G: Children, enough. X: I’d need some stylish new clothes.

FE!Nikki: Would you like to know who killed me? I know you went looking for him. PW: You don’t know anything. FE!Nikki: Is that right? Well, you can check it out after I tell you. Check the timing. Re-read what the witnesses said, and the people in the subway station… PW: Who is it? FE!Nikki: You met him. You know him. You fought at his side. PW: Spike. FE!Nikki: Now, what do you say? PW: Thank you.

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