Our Mrs. Reynolds

Written by: Joss Whedon Directed by: Vondie Curtis-Hall

Original Airdate: 10.04.02 After completing a job on a planet, Mal inadvertently ends up married to Saffron, a naive young woman who stows away to be with her “husband”. Awkwardness and hilarity ensues until Saffron knocks out Mal and Wash and sets up the ship to be captured by pirates, locking it off-course and sealing the controls. The Serenity is on course with a carrion house, a ship that converts ships to scrap via an electronic net. They manage to shoot out the breakers on the net and catch up to Saffron.

Quotes

Saffron: I don’t please you? Mal: You can’t please me - you’ve never met me.

Book: If you take sexual advantage of her you’re going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater. Mal: What…? I am not… preacher, you got a smutty mind! Book: perhaps I spoke out of term. I apologize. I’ll make her up a room on the passenger dorm. Mal: Good (departing) Book: A special Hell.

Kaylee: Don’t feel bad - he makes everybody cry. He’s like a monster. Mal: I am not a monster!

Wash: We’d always hoped you two’d get together. Who is she again?

Mal: How drunk was I last night? Jayne: I don’t know - I passed out.

Mal: You don’t stand for that! Someone tries and kill you, you kill them right back.

Zoe: (to Wash) Remember that sex we were planning to have, ever again?

Mal: Can I come in? Inara: No. Mal: See, that’s why I usually don’t ask.

Mal: (to Jayne) Well, my days of taking you seriously are coming to a middle.

Saffron: You’re a good man. Mal: You clearly haven’t been talking to anyone else on this boat.

Wash: I wish I was somebody else right now. Somebody not married, somebody not madly in love with a beautiful woman who can kill me with her pinky.

Saffron: Would you lie with me? Inara: I think we’ve lied enough. Saffron: You’re good. Inara: Who are you? Saffron: Malcolm Reynold’s widow.

Mal: What was she after? Book: Besides molesting innocent captains?

Wash: Okay, everybody else not talking about sex, in here. Everyone else, out there.

Jayne: (about Book) One day you’re going to tell us how a preacher knows so much about crime.

Saffron: Are you going to kill me? Mal: Can you give me a terribly compelling reason not to?

Mal: I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.

Mal: I wasn’t looking for a fight! (Jayne confronts him with a really big gun) I always seem to find one, though. Please credit Hellmouth Central with these quotes when using them for any publication.