War Stories

Written by: Cheryl Cain Directed by: James A. Contner

Original Airdate: 12.06.02 Jealous of Zoe’s relationship with Mal, Wash insists (thanks to a bit of scheming) that he go with Mal to try to sell some of the medical supplies the crew stole from the Alliance. In the middle of the deal Mal and Wash are kidnapped by men working for Niska the crime lord, who wants revenge against Mal for the botched train heist. He tortures Mal and Wash until Zoe shows up offering money in exchange for the prisoners. Niska says that the money is only enough for one person and Zoe chooses Wash. Wash realizes that Mal’s antagonizing him while they were being tortured was to help keep him alive and kicking. This inspires him to do everything he can to help Zoe rescue Mal from Niska. The rest of the crew jump on board to save the Captain.

Meanwhile Inara extends her services to a council member. To the crew of Serenity’s surprise, it’s a woman. And Simon continues to treat River with some of the medicine he stole but she suffers the occasional relapse as well as displays a penchant for blind-shooting.

Quotes

Wash: Screw you! Mal: Get in line!

Mal: And they say people don’t look like their pets.

Zoe: Jayne, this is something the Captain has to do on his own. Mal: (fighting for his life) No…no it’s not! Zoe: Oh. (shoots)

Book: I’d forgotten – you’re moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now. Simon: No, but I’m thinking about growing a big black mustache. I’m a traditionalist.

Inara: I just want the councilor to feel comfortable. By which I mean alone.

Mel: Ah, the pitter-patter of tiny feet in combat boots. Shut up!!

Kaylee: No power in the ’verse can stop me!

Wash: I am a large, semi-muscular man. I can take it.

River: What am I? Simon: You are my beautiful sister. River: I threw up on your bed. Simon: Yep, definitely my sister.

Kaylee: They look so glamorous together. Jayne: I’ll be in my bunk.

Wash: I’ve been in a firefight. Well, I was in a fire. Actually, I was fired from a fry-cook opportunity.

Wash: You wouldn’t spare Zoe in this situation. You would be planning and plotting, and possibly scheming.

Mal: There’s plenty of my orders she didn’t obey. Wash: Name one. Mal: She married you!

Zoe: We’re getting him back. Jayne: (staring at Mal’s severed ear) What are we going to do - clone him?

Zoe: Preacher, don’t the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing? Book: Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on kneecaps.

Mal: Haven’t you killed me enough for one day?

Simon: I’ve never shot anyone before. Book: I was there, son. I’m fair sure you haven’t shot anyone yet.

Zoe: Take me, (Mal). Take me hard. Jayne: (just arriving) Something about that’s just downright unsettling.

Jayne: (last line of episode) Oh, hey! Free soup! Please credit Hellmouth Central with these quotes when using them for any publication.