Top Valentine’s Day Gifts for Men

It's coming faster than… well… something fast. Valentine's Day is upon us and that means that once again we'll see a flock of desperate couples looking to buy each other last minute expensive crap that neither one of them actually needs nor desires. But I'm sympathetic to the cause of those who have forgotten about this year's masquerade, and so if this is the first time you've realized it's Valentine season… you're in the right spot for last minute surprises. This year we'll help the ladies who got lazy out by offering them The Locker Room's official list of top five holiday buys to impress your man. So if you're thinking about hitting those shopping malls today, here's a list of things you might want to keep in the back of your mind. Trust me on this. It could mean the difference between holiday do and holiday don't.

Thus starteth the countdown toward our top Valentine's Day gift for men…

Number Five is the traditional gift that shouts "I love my masculine man!" Buy him a spa treatment, compliments of your undying love. There's a wide variety of options here to choose from, but it won't be hard to please that special mister in your life and so you should never feel overwhelmed in determining what type of treatment to purchase. Because with a gift like this, he'll be able to receive a wide selection of grooming options, from manicures to massages to facial and brow waxing. Trust me, he may say he wants something less traditional, but a real man likes to keep himself in top shape for that special someone. If he says this gift sucks then there's something seriously wrong with your relationship. Might wanna consider breaking up for a while. Believe me when I say that there's no better way to highlight his best features while not pointing out his weak points than a spa treatment.

But let's say you're on a budget this year. Not to worry, because we've also got gifts that are not only affordable, they're the damn near perfect. Take my word for it. You get him something from the heart, and he just may be so satisfied that he never asks you for another thing in his life.

That's right! Our Number Four idea this year is for you to make your own valentine! Nothing impresses a man more than finding that the love of his life knows every single little thing about him… especially his unending love for personalized gifts. Men need to be shown affection and one of the greatest ways you can give that to your special mister is to customize your very own gift. Use everything and anything you can find from the bedazzler to the glue gun! Find out what his favorite glitter is and spread it all over that heart-shaped card! You know it's what he wants, so why not go for the gold? You could save a lot of money and heartache in the long run by taking our advice.

This is the perfect gift idea for any couple who comes up with those "don't spend more than this amount of money" rules that are prevalent in today's sitcoms. And what better way to express your love than a limit on how much you wish to show your desire? What better? That's right. No better. We say this is the only way to go when using cash is a no.

As for Number Three this year (and this one is one that is sure to impress anyone out there), there's an old saying that if you're ever in doubt about what to give your man as a gift, then buy him a bracelet! Sure, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking… "Gee, Coach, wouldn't he rather want a fancy watch instead?" The answer? Hell no. Men may like wearing watches, but they despise receiving them as gifts. Trust me. He'll receive that gift from nearly everyone else in his life this year. I've got ten of them in my desk drawer to prove it. It's seen in the male community as "the pity gift."

In other words, when you don't know what to get him, you get him that. And if your man suspects you don't know what to get him… well, don't be looking forward to a long-lasting relationship, because that ship's about to leave the harbor for good. What you need to give him is something that will show him you care about his uniqueness while not destroying his masculinity. Bracelets are perfect for that. And it's a great way to show all of those bachelorettes of the world that that man is taken and appreciated. Trust me. When a woman sees a man wearing a bracelet, she's going to know to walk the other way. Works every time.

Coming in at Second Place this year is a gift that is not only appropriate for Valentine's Day but for any day at all. So if you forget about this particular clever gift idea for VD… make sure you check it out for other great holidays. Father's Day, for instance. This is especially perfect for non-fathers on Father's Day. The gift? A kitten!

Men love women who are willing to commit to a relationship. It shows longevity and trust. A kitten is the perfect way to give a gift with that little something extra attached to it. A kitten will give you, as a couple, a chance to harness your training wheels in the ever-overpopulated world of parenting. And while some may still believe in the old myth of a dog being a man's best friend, I think we all know that kittens make much better house pets as they're self-sufficient. Trust me on this, ladies. If you go and buy your man a little puppy, he's gonna give you the silent treatment. And that's a place you simply don't wanna be on the single-most romantic night of the year. And just think… even if that happens anyway, wouldn't you rather have had a kitten to keep you company? I thought so.

But as for the number one hot-selling item for men this year that's guarenteed to never go wrong when it comes to fulfilling your man's deepest needs and desires…

That's right, folks! Hilary Duff's greatest. A compilation of some of the performers finest work, "Most Wanted" is a legendary album in and of itself. Here, you'll find such great hits as "Come Clean," "Fly," and (of course) "Wake Up." Simply the best of the best with lyrics that speak out to every man of every creed. With this as your holiday gift, you simply can't go wrong.

But whether you choose something traditional this year or go for the gold with something original, just remember one thing… as long as you don't get him a tie, you'll do fine.

Have a Happy Valentine's Day.