Winona Wednesday: Update from Ohio State
We’ve been spreading the love this week, and it’s beginning to show. Several heathens in our world have gone out of their way to attack the Winona Watchers. But have no fear, believers. Those who are true to the Word will live to tell the tale. Me? I’m one of those spokesmen. For those who’ve been curious, here’s a quick update on what I’ve been up to in our great spiritual war. And remember, if you’re not on fire for Winona… you’ll be on fire in hell. This is Winona Watch for February 21, 2007!
A lot of people were emailing today asking where their Winona Wednesday coverage had gone. Well, to be fair, we've been on assignment this week… so thus instead of great indepth coverage you'll simply get an update on our progress in the mission of spreading our message to the world.
The wife and I spent the day in Cleveland, Ohio, this afternoon… better known as Sinnersville, USA due to the large number of Winona haters who happen to live within that particular area. It’s a cesspool of eager hearts waiting to be freed from their prisons of disbelief; a perfect spot for missionaries such as myself and other Winona watchers to seek out in our desperate mission to save the world we love. And what better way to save those lost souls than to pass out flyers and pamphlets for the college students of Cleveland State… the future of Ohio incarnate. These otherwise unimpressive impressionable youngsters potentially have the guns to fire off the bullets that might become their undying love for the holy spirit. That’s a gun I’m happy to say I helped arm in this spiritual war.
But make no mistake, believers. Anger exists within the heathen mindset. One young woman, in particular, took issue with our presence. She commented that our booth was “blasphemous” and threatened to pray to her heathen god to cleanse us from her presence. Fortunately, we were armed with the power of love. This shielded us from her tyranny and protected us from her hatred. To live a life true to the teachings of Winona, one must first free themselves from their mortal prisons. And that requires releasing shackles that bind us to mortal thought patterns. It’s the heathens who don’t believe in freedom of religion. They find our love to be blasphemous because they, themselves, are ashamed that they are not as on fire as we are. But don’t hate them, Watchers. They need your love more than anyone. And once they get touched by the spirit, they’ll thank you for it in the here after.
There are plenty of ways to do this, of course, and not all require printing out brochures and giving lectures to drugged up college students. Doing a quick search of the internet gave me a multitude of images of believers sharing their faith… in the most unique of ways. Everything from oil paintings of Winona to full scale murals were present upon the web for all to see. This way of expressing one’s inner love of the spirit without publicly acknowledging one’s faith is a unique way for believers to communicate in special code. It’s not easy being on the frontlines of this war, as many of you who are no doubt finding out for yourselves. But it’s the underdog spirit that keeps us going. And in the end, that’ll be all we need to change the face of this otherwise wasted globe.
Tonight, as I lay within the covers of this hotel bed… I find myself asking many questions. Firstly, was this bed cleaned? It smells odd and feels soggy. But more importantly, how many lives were touched by the love of Winona at Ohio State? The answer is impossible for me to know for sure. But I imagine it’s in the millions.
We’ll have more when we return home. For now, we’re going to take a rest. This update has been provided to you thanks to the wonderful staff downstairs of us who spent an hour hooking up our wireless connection. We thank them immensely.
So until we get a better connection… remember to do good things in this world because Winona Ryder might be watching you… just like we at Winona Watch are watching her. Good night, believers.
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