Some Assembly Required

Written by: Ty King Directed by: Bruce Seth Green

Cast : Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers, Nicholas Brendon as Xander Harris, Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg, Charisma Carpenter as Cordelia Chase, Anthony Stewart Head as Rupert Giles, and David Boreanaz as Angel.

Guest stars : Andrew J. Ferchland as the Anointed One, and Robia LaMorte as Jenny Calendar.

Original Broadcast Date: Sept. 22, 1997

Whilst Buffy waits by a new grave for the occupant to rise, Angel joins her. Their conversation soon turns into a petty argument about her relationship with Xander, and Buffy accuses Angel of being jealous. After dispatching the newbie vamp, Buffy falls into an open grave. The occupant has been dragged awayŠ

Next morning at school, Buffy and Xander walk in on Giles rehearsing asking Miss Calendar out on a date. Buffy advises him to invite Jenny out for a meal, and tells him about the empty grave. He is intrigued.

Elsewhere in the school, Willow is discussing School Science Fair projects with Chris Epps, a fellow science whizz. His friend Eric buzzes around them, taking photos of pretty girls for his Œprivate collection¹. Buffy finds Wil, and calls her away to find out who the dead girl was. Cordelia goes with them too to ask Willow¹s advice about her own project ­ she feels awkward about asking Chris as she used to date his deceased brother, Darryl. Giles suggests various reasons why someone might need a dead body. None of them good! When Willow discovers that the dead girl was one of three killed in a recent car crash, the scoobies decide to check on the other two girlsŠ

That night Xander and Giles dig up the graves, while Buffy and Willow discuss Angel. The graves are empty!

Cordelia hadn¹t gone with them as she had cheerleading practice that night. Someone follows her through the car park. Afraid, she fumbles with the keys, and manages to drop them under the car. Unable to reach them she runs, and hides in a nearby dumpster! The lid opensŠbut it¹s only Angel. He is looking for Buffy. As he helps Cordy climb out, her skirt catches on something. It is a hand!

Cordelia and Angel find the scoobies in the library. Angel tells them that they found several body parts in the dumpster, but not enough to add up to three whole girls. He believes that whoever did it has medical knowledge and is keeping some of the pieces. As the dumpster is on school grounds, they conclude that the culprits are students at Sunnydale High. Willow says she can think of several people who would be capable.

Chris Epps comes up from his basement, and tells his Mom he is going out. She is sat in front of the tv watching tapes of his brother¹s football victories. Darryl was a sporting hero, and she is obviously unhinged by his loss. She doesn¹t even seem to realize that Chris is there. He leaves.

After school that evening, the scoobies break into several lockers. They find anatomy books in Chris¹s locker, and something just as chilling in Eric¹s! He has cut body parts from various magazines, and taped them together to make a complete girl. Now they know what the graverobbers are up to!

Back in Chris¹s basement, Eric sings ŒMy Girl¹ whilst hanging up photo¹s of the girls at schoolŠ

The next morning, Giles escorts a hurrying Miss Calendar to her class. He tries to ask her for a date, but can¹t find the words. As the bell goes, Jenny asks if he would go with her to the football match later, and they can discuss whatever it is there. Giles agrees. He can¹t believe his luck! Later in the science lab he informs the others that three heads have been found. To complete their girl, Chris and Eric need one more body.

In the basement, Chris and Eric are discussing that very problem. If they don¹t find a suitable head soon, the body they¹ve created will start to decay. Chris is horrified at Eric¹s suggestion that they kill a girl that night. Darryl, intervenes. Brought back to life by his brother, he looks like Frankenstein¹s monster! Chris is consumed with guilt for bringing his brother back like this, and condemning him to a Œlife¹ hidden from sight. He has promised to make Darryl a girlfriend so that he won¹t be lonely, but now is getting cold feet! Darryl persuades Chris to go ahead, and chooses Cordelia¹s photo for the headŠ

Back in the science room, the scooby gang realize that murder is now likely. Giles has to go to the football game, and Buffy goes alone to see Chris. His Mom lets her in, but doesn¹t know if Chris is at home. All she wants to talk about is Darryl. Buffy goes down into the basement, and finds a drawing of a girl with Cordy¹s head. She doesn¹t notice Darryl sneaking up behind her, but a noise from above startles them both, and she leaves.

Chris and Eric try to kidnap Cordelia at school, but Buffy arrives just in time. Eric escapes. Cordy returns to her cheerleading, and Chris confesses to a horrified Buffy about his brother. Eric runs back to Darryl, and tells him that they have failed. Darryl freaks! By the time Buffy and Chris arrive, the other two have gone back to finish the job.

Giles and Miss Calendar are discussing the football as they watch the match. Giles is thrilled when she refers to it as their Œfirst date¹. To his dismay, Willow and Xander join them. None of them notice Darryl creeping around beneath their seats as he spies on Cordelia. He grabs her when she breaks to get a drink, and - yet again - Buffy and Chris arrive too late. The slayer persuades Chris to tell her where they¹ve gone, and asks him to go and alert the others.

Cordy is blindfolded, and tied to an operating table in the abandoned science block. When Darryl removes the blindfold she screams! He tells her they will be together forever. When Eric uncovers the incomplete body on the table beside her she screams againŠ Cordelia promises to stay with Darryl if they let her live, but he wants to guarantee it by making her the same as him. Eric is about to cut her head off when Buffy bursts in! During the ensuing fight, Eric is knocked unconscious, and an overturned petrol can sets the room on fire! Xander arrives to save Cordy, and Giles and Willow drag Eric away. Chris prevents his brother from killing the slayer, and Darryl walks back into the flames to burn with his girl.

A short while later, the building is surrounded by fire engines and police. Cordelia tries to thank Xander for saving her life, but he brushes her off to talk to Willow. Giles apologizes to Jenny for ruining their date, but she says he¹ll have trouble topping it on their next one. He is elated! Angel arrives, concerned, and walks off through the graveyard with Buffy. He admits to being jealous of Xander because he is able to see her all day. They continue their walk holding hands.

Episode Ratings

Mac - “What the hell was that? Although the ending scenes with Xander, Willow and Cordy were great. My God, what a horrible episode.”

DJ Angelus - “Frankenstein’s Monster. This is far fetched even for the buffyverse.”

Quotes

Key: B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, A=Angel, JC=Jenny Calendar, C=Cordelia

B: Come on, Stephen, rise and shine. Some of us have tons of trig homework waiting.

B: You don’t just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk. You…stomp. Or yodel.

B: What, vampires don’t get jealous? A: See, whenever we fight, you always bring up the vampire thing.

B: I didn’t come here to fight! *thud* Ooh! Oh right, I did!

B: Gee, I wish people wouldn’t leave open graves lying around like this.

B: Boy, I guess we never realized how much you like that chair.

G: I was…just working on… B: Your pick-up lines?

B: Then if you wouldn’t mind a little Gene and Roger, you might want to leave off the idiot part. Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood. X: It actually kind of turns me on. B: I fear you.

B: Speak English, not whatever they speak in, um… G: England?

B: You just say, “Hey, I got a thing, you maybe have a thing, maybe we could have a thing.” G: Well, thank you, Cyrano.

X: Simple deduction. Ms. Calendar is reasonably dollsome, especially for someone in your age bracket. She already knows that you’re a school librarian, so you don’t have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her. B: And she’s the only woman we’ve actually ever seen speak to you. Add it up, it all spells “duh!”

X: Now is it time to have a talk about the facts of life? G: You know, I’m suddenly deciding this is none of your business. X: You know, ’cause that whole stork thing is a smoke screen!

G: Grave robbery? That’s new. Interesting. B: I know you meant to say gross and disturbing. G: Yes, yes, yes, of course. Terrible thing. Must put a stop to it. Damn it.

C: I don’t think anyone should have to do anything educational in school if they don’t want to.

C: I didn’t think yearbook nerds came out of hibernation until spring.

B: Sorry to interrupt, Willow, but it’s the bat signal.

W: I’m probably the only girl in school who has the coroner’s office bookmarked as her favorite place.

C: Sorry to interrupt your little undead play group…

C: I need to ask Willow if she’ll help me with my science fair project. W: It’s a fruit.

C: Hello, can we deal with my pain, please? G: There, there. *pat,pat*

B: You know what this means? X: That Fondren might actually beat Sunnydale in the cross-town body-count competition this year?

C: Eww! Why is it that every conversation you people have has the word “corpse” in it?

X: So we dig up some graves tonight? W: Oh boy, a field trip!

X: Say, nine-ish? BYO shovel.

X: All right, but if you come across the army of zombies, can you page us before they eat your flesh?

W: Love makes you do the wacky.

X: You know, this might go a lot faster if you femmes actually picked up a shovel, too. G: Hear hear! B: Sorry, but I’m an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses, and women have the babies.

B: And he broke Cordy’s heart? Thus possibly proving its existence.

W: By the way, are we hoping to find a body or no body? X: Call me an optomist, but I’m hoping to find a fortune in gold doubloons.

C: Buffy? Well, she’s, uh, big shock, she’s at the graveyard.

C: Well, she lied. Isn’t she a rascal?

W: Is it an army if you just have three? B: Well, zombie drill team, then.

C: It was horrible. Angel saved me from an arm.

C: Why are these terrible things always happening to me? X: (cough) Karma! (cough).

B: Why go to all the trouble to dig up three girls only to chop them up and throw them away? It doesn’t make any sense. Especially from a time management standpoint.

A: I think they kept some parts. B: Could this get yuckier? W: They probably kept the other parts to eat. B: Question answered.

X: How about that? I always pegged him as a one-woman vampire.

G: You understand, in my capacity as a school official, this search is completely unauthorized. I cannot condone it. B: Fine, your butt’s covered. Want to grab a locker? G: Yes, yes, of course.

W: Nothing in here but back issues of Scientific American. Ooh! I haven’t read this one.

X: People don’t fall in love with what’s right in front of them. People want the dream – what they can’t have. The more unattainable, the more attractive.

B: But it’s not doable. I mean, making someone from scraps, actually making them live. W: If it is, my science project is definitely coming in second this year.

X: And speaking of love… W: We were talking about the reanimation of dead tissues. X: Do I deconstruct your segues?

G: Oh, corpses. Yes, evil. Very good.

G: ‘Personalize’ it? B: Yeah. She’s a technopagan, right? So ask her to bless your laptop.

JC: Oh no, please, call me Jenny. Ms. Calendar’s my father.

B: Who, Eric? He needs industrial-strength therapy.

X: Nothing but a bunch of computer equipment and a pornography collection so prodigious it even scared me.

G: I think it’s rather odd that a nation that prides itself on its virility should feel compelled to strap on forty pounds of protective gear just in order to play rugby. JC: Is this your normal strategy for a first date – dissing my country’s national pasttime? G: Did you just say.. ‘date’? JC: You noticed that, huh?

A: I saw the fire, I figured you’d be here.

G: D-did you just say “second date”? JC: You noticed that, huh?

X: Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me.

X: You ever think that the world’s a giant game of musical chairs, and the music’s stopped, and we’re the only ones who don’t have a chair? W: All the time. C: Xander, I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. What you did in there was really brave and heroic, and I just wanted to tell you if there’s anything I could ever do to… X: Do you mind? We’re talking here. So, where were we? W: Wondering why we never get dates. X: Yeah. So why do you think that is?

A: Crazy, like a 241-year-old being jealous of a high school junior?

A: He gets to see you in the sunlight. B: I don’t look that good in direct light.