Inca Mummy Girl
Written by: Matt Kiene & Joe Reinkemeyer
Directed by: Ellen S. Pressman.
Cast : Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers, Nicholas Brendon as Xander Harris, Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg, Charisma Carpenter as Cordelia Chase, and Anthony Stewart Head as Rupert Giles.
Guest stars : Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers, Ara Celi as Ampata, and Seth Green as Oz.
It is Cultural Exchange Week in Sunnydale, and Buffy complains of having to have an exchange student to stay as she, Willow and Xander arrive at the museum. Xander disagrees he thinks it¹d be cool to have a foreign girl in his room for a week
As the students look around the museum, Cordelia shows her friends a picture of Sven, her exchange student. Buffy doesn¹t know what hers looks like. She just knows Ampata¹s a guy. Cordy is amazed that she didn¹t check! Suddenly, Xander is not so keen on the idea. Another boy sharing Buffy¹s bedroom?! Buffy spots Rodney Munsen messing about with one of the exhibits. Willow (who is helping him study) goes over to stop him the non-violent way¹.
A man announces that the Inca Mummy display is now open, and the students file in. 500 years ago the Incas chose a beautiful girl to be their princess, and then buried her alive as a sacrifice to the mountain Gods. A cursed seal was placed in her hands as a warning to any who try to wake her. As they look at the mummy in her stone coffin, Buffy tells her friends that she¹s meeting Ampata at the bus depot tomorrow night.
After everyone has gone, Rodney sneaks into the exhibit and tries to steal the seal from the mummy¹s grasp. He accidentally smashes it, and the mummy grabs him by the throat!
At her training session the next morning, Buffy asks Giles if she can go to the school dance. He says no because of her slayer duties. She¹s going to have enough trouble keeping her secret identity with Ampata around! Buffy argues that going to the dance will make her seem more normal, and Giles relents. Xander offers to drive her, despite the fact that he¹s taking Willow. He says it will feel less like a date if Buffy goes too. Willow walks in just as he says he only loves her as a friend. She tells them that Rodney is missing, and Xander jokes that maybe he awakened the mummy. Suddenly realizing that this is not such a weird idea in this town, the scoobies decide to check it out.
At the museum, Giles notices a series of pictograms on the broken seal. They are attacked by a man with a knife, who runs away in horror after looking at the mummy. Willow notices that the mummy now has braces. It is Rodney!
Back in the library, Giles says that the answer to all of this lies in the seal. It could take him weeks to translate it, though. Buffy realizes she is late to collect Ampata, and wonders if he could help as he¹s from Peru.
At the bus depot, Ampata is alone. He hears someone calling his voice, but it turns out to be the mummy! It is fleshier than in the museum, but still pretty skanksome! It kisses him, stealing his lifeforce and leaving him shriveled.
Buffy, Xander and Willow arrive forty minutes late. The mummy is now a stunning young woman, and dressed in the dead boy¹s clothes. She claims to be Ampata, and Xander¹s eyes nearly pop out of his head!
Buffy shows Ampata around their home. Willow says they were expecting a boy she¹s clearly ticked about Xander going all ga-ga. Buffy asks if her guest has been to America before, and Ampata says she has toured all over. She didn¹t get to see much, but listened a lot.
That night Buffy apologizes for her bedroom being so small, but Ampata says she is used to something much smaller! She claims to have no friends, and just wants a normal life like Buffy. As they switch of the light, the knife man watches from the bushes
Outside school, Cordy talks about the dance with her new boyfriend, Devon. He is the lead singer in a band. He asks if she¹ll be bringing Sven, who hovers awkwardly in the background. Cordelia tells him the whole exchange thing is a nightmare as he doesn¹t speak English! She orders Sven to follow her, and leaves. Devon asks Oz, the lead guitarist, what he thinks of her. Oz says that Cordy is not his type.
Buffy takes Ampata to meet Giles, and he asks if she can help to translate the seal. She is suspicious why ask her? Giles explains it is from her home country, and they need to translate it for their Archaeology Club! She tells him it is old and valuable, and they should hide it. When he asks about one particular symbol, she says it means bodyguard¹. Someone who protects the mummy against those who would disturb her. As Buffy has to tend to her duties as treasurer of the Archaeology Club¹, she asks Wil to spend the day with Ampata. To Willow¹s irritation, Xander steps in instead.
Later in the library, Buffy and Willow are trying to repair the broken seal. Giles has managed to translate some of it. It says that the mummy can feed off of the lifeforce of a person, and they realize that is what it did to Rodney. Buffy asks how to stop it, but her watcher doesn¹t have all the answers yet.
Xander and Ampata are sitting in the stands by the sports field. They are having a good laugh, and getting on really well. Without warning, the knifeman attacks Xander! He accuses him of stealing the seal, and demands to know where it is. Ampata screams, and the man recognizes her. Xander kicks him down the stands, and the two run away.
Back at the library, they tell the others about the attack. Ampata stresses that they must break the seal or someone could die. Giles tells her that someone already has, and she runs outside. In the corridor she tells Xander that she just wants a normal life not all this danger. Willow suggests that Xander should take Ampata to the dance instead of her.
Buffy and Giles decide to return to the museum that night to look for the missing pieces. This means that the slayer will have to miss the school dance.
Back in the corridor, Xander tells Ampata that he really likes her, and asks her to the dance. She goes into the girls¹ restroom to think, and ends up killing the knifeman after he attacks her! She comes out looking more vibrant than ever, and tells Xander she would love to go with him.
That night the rest of Ampata¹s cases arrive from the station, although she doesn¹t recognize them. Buffy says she will have to miss the dance because of her Archaeology Club duties. The other girl says that Buffy reminds her very much of the Inca princess putting other people first, and fulfilling her duty. As Buffy opens the largest of the cases the doorbell rings. She shuts it again without seeing the body of the real Ampata inside
She opens the door to Xander, who looks like he¹s dressed as Clint Eastwood! Buffy explains that she can¹t go, and asks where Willow is. Xander says she¹s gonna meet them there, and is lost for words when he sees the beautiful Ampata. Buffy wistfully watches them go.
At the dance Devon¹s band is playing, and the room is crowded with people having a good time. Cordy is dressed in a skimpy Hawaiian costume, and laughs at Willow, who¹s come as an Eskimo! She orders Sven off to get punch, and her friend goes with him. Xander and Ampata arrive. He describes Willow¹s outfit as snug¹, which doesn¹t help her mood!
Giles goes to Buffy¹s home to tell her that the body of the knifeman has been found. He says Ampata translated the symbol incorrectly instead of saying bodyguard¹ it means the man who¹s supposed to stop the mummy coming back to life. Suspicious, they check her cases, which contain boy¹s clothes, no make-up and oh yeah a body!
While Xander slow dances with Ampata, Oz the guitarist becomes intrigued by Willow. As Xander leans in for a kiss, his partner¹s hand begins to shrivel! She flees the dance floor in horror, and he thinks it¹s because he tried to kiss her. Looking around wildly, Ampata spots Jonathon alone on the stairs
In his car, on route to the dance, Giles says that the only way to stop her is to mend the seal. He¹ll drop Buffy off, then go to the museum and fix it.
Sven is having a great conversation with Cordelia¹s friend. He only pretended not to speak English as he didn¹t like Cordy! Upstairs, Ampata tries to kiss Jonathon, but Xander walks in on them and he runs away. Both of Ampata¹s arms are mummified by now, but Xander doesn¹t notice, and they kiss! As the lifeforce begins to drain from him, Ampata pulls away. He falls to the floor, stunned. Somehow, she knows that the seal is being fixed, and she runs
Buffy explains to Willow that Ampata is the mummy, and the pair rush off to find her just as Oz tries to talk to Wil. They find Xander, and the three of them hurry to the museum.
Giles only has one piece left to fit, but Ampata sneaks up behind him and smashes the seal! Buffy gets there in time to save him, and the two girls fight. Ampata manages to knock Buffy into the stone coffin, and slams down the lid. She grabs Willow as she comes in, and prepares to kiss Xander pushes Willow away, and tells Ampata she will have to kill him. Desperate, she has no choice. Time is running out, and she¹s already mummified from the neck down! As she leans in for the kiss, Buffy breaks free. The slayer grabs Ampata by the shoulders and pulls. The mummy falls to pieces! She is finally dead. Willow consoles Xander, and they leave.
The next morning, Xander complains to Buffy that he has the worst taste in women in the world! Buffy defends Ampata she was a young girl who had to sacrifice herself, when all she wanted was a normal life. Xander points out that Buffy sacrificed herself once, too. The slayer replies “Yeah, but I had you to bring me back.”
Episode Ratings
Mac -
“Another arc-less episode. Loved the moment at the end with Buffy and Xander. Other than that, crap city.”
DJ Angelus -
“More failed love on the hellmouth. When will these kids learn.”
Quotes
(B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, C=Cordelia, Am=Ampata, Oz=Oz, Devon=Devon )
B: It’s the uber-suck.
B: Have you ever done an exchange program?
X: My dad tried to sell me to some Armenians once. Does that count?
C: Whoo! There’s mine. Sven - isn’t he lunchable?
X: By guy-like, we are talking big, beefy, guy-like girl, right?
B: I was just told “guy.”
C: You didn’t look at him first? He could be dogly. You live on the edge.
X: Hold on a sec. So this person who’s living with you for two weeks is a man, with man parts? This is a terrible idea.
W: What about the beautiful melding of two cultures?
X: There’s no melding, okay? He better keep his parts to himself.
X: Oh, that’s Rodney Munson. He’s god’s gift to the bell curve.
RM: *grrr!*
X: What he lacks in smarts, he makes up in lack of smarts.
W: You just don’t like him ’cause of that time he beat you up every day for five years.
X: Yeah, I’m irrational that way.
B: I better stop him before he gets in trouble.
W: I got it. The non-violent approach is probably better here.
B: I wasn’t going to use violence. I don’t always use violence. Do I?
X: The important thing is, *you* believe that.
X: Typical museum trick: Promise human sacrifice, deliver old pots and pans.
X: So, Buffy, when’s Exchange-O Boy making his appearance?
B: His name’s Ampata. I’m meeting him at the bus station tomorrow night.
X: Ooh, Sunnydale Bus Depot. Classy. What a better way to introduce someone to our country than with the stench of urine.
G: Because you are the chosen one.
B: Just this once, I’d like to be the overlooked one.
B: Oh! I know this one: “Slaying entails certain sacrifices… blah blah bity blah. I’m so stuffy, give me a scone.”
G: It’s as if you know me.
W: On the other hand, maybe Rodney just stepped out for a smoke?
X: For 21 hours?
W: It’s addictive, you know.
G: We’ll deal with that when we’ve ruled out evil curses.
B: One day I’m going to live in a town where evil curses are just generally ruled out, without even saying.
X: Okay, I just saved us, right?
B: Well, something did.
W: Giles? Were the Incas very advanced?
G: Yes, yes, very.
W: Did they have orthodontists?
W: Rodney looked like he had been dead for 500 years. How could that be?
X: Maybe we should ask that crazy man with the big old knife.
B: I don’t think he seemed overly chatty.
X: Buffy, where are your priorities? Tracking down a mummifying killer or making time for some Latin lover whose stock in trade is the breakage of hearts?
X: Oh, yeah. Fall for the old let-me-translate-that-ancient-seal-for-you come on. Do you know how many times I’ve used that?
X: So, do we have to speak Spanish when we see him? ’Cause I don’t know anything much besides doritos and chihuahua.
X: Ay carumba! I can also say that.
Am: I listened much.
X: Well, that works out well, ’cause I talk much.
B: What’s it like back home?
Am: Cramped, and very dead.
B: Well, you’ll feel right at home in Sunnydale.
Devon: Oz, man, what do ya think?
Oz: Of what?
Devon: Cordelia, man.
Oz: She’s a Wonderland tour.
Devon: What does a girl have to do to impress you?
Oz: Well, it involves a feather boa, and the theme to “A Summer Place.”
Oz: You’re just impressed by any pretty girl who can walk and talk.
Devon: She doesn’t have to talk.
W: Well, it’s a celebration of cultures. There are lots of dress-up alternatives.
X: And a corresponding equal number of mocking alternatives, all aimed at me.
X: No shirts with ruffles, no hats with feathers, and definitely no lederhosen. They make my calves look fat.
W: Why are you suddenly so worried about looking like an idiot? That came out wrong.
G: We’re trying to translate it, uh, um, as, uh, a project for our, um…
W: Our archeology club.
G: Very good.
Am: You are strange.
X: Girls always tell me that right before they run away.
Am: I like it.
X: I like you like it. Please, don’t learn from my English.
W: Well, you know, I have a choice. I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other girl in the world until he notices me. Or I can just get on with my life.
B: Good for you.
W: Well, I didn’t choose yet.
X: We’re in the crime club. Which is kind of like the chess club, only with crime, and no chess.
X: You’re not a praying mantis, are you? Sorry… someone else.
B: And, uh, what culture are you?
X: I’m from the country of Leone. It’s in Italy, pretending to be Montana. And where are you from, the country of white trash?
X: Oh, yea..I, uh…
B: I can translate American salivating boy talk. He says you’re beautiful.
X: Fahsith.
B: You’re welcome.
B: What kind of girl travels with a mummified corpse and doesn’t even pack lipstick?
B: Come on! Can’t you put your foot down?
G: It is down.
B: One of these days you’re gonna have to get a grown-up car.
B: I’ll still get Xander, before he gets smoochy with Mummy dearest.
X: Have you seen Ampata? What was that?
W: I shrugged.
X: Next time, you should probably say “shrug.”
W: “Sigh.”
X: Wha… you think that *you* don’t deserve *me*? Man, I love you! Are those tears of joy? Pain? Revulsion?
Am: You’re not a normal girl.
B: And you are?!
X: I just - present company excluded - I have the worst taste in women of anyone in the world - ever!
B: I do think she cared about you.
X: Yeah, but I think that whole sucking-the-life-out-of-people thing would have been a strain on the relationship.
B: I remember how I felt when I heard the prophecy that I was going to die. I wasn’t exactly obsessed with doing the right thing.
X: Yeah, but you did. You gave up your life.
B: I had you to bring me back.