The Freshman

Written and Directed by: Joss Whedon

Cast : Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers, Nicholas Brendon as Xander Harris, Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg, Seth Green as Oz, Anthony Stewart Head as Rupert Giles.

Main guest stars : Kristine Sutherland as Joyce Summers, Marc Blucas as Riley Finn, Dagney Kerr as Kathy, Pedro Balmaceda as Eddie, Katharine Towne as Sunday, Lindsay Crouse as Maggie Walsh.

Original broadcast date : October 5, 1999

My one-line description: Just when you thought the Mayor was the worst villain… here comes Sunday the eighties vampire.

In the cemetery, Willow is helping Buffy select her classes for her freshman year at UC Sunnydale - Buffy was lazy during the summer and neglected to do so. As they review the options, a vampire emerges from a grave and stealthily prepares to attack them - but then it spots the Slayer’s weapon supply, it takes off. Oblivious to all that parallel action, the girls discuss the need for Buffy to balance classes and slaying, in order to keep her Slayer skills sharp (har har!). The next day, Buffy walks on campus, somewhat lost and more than a bit uncomfortable with her new surroundings. As she tries to find her way around, she inherits the inevitable tons of flyers for parties and clubs. Then she runs into Willow, who is thoroughly excited by all the college atmosphere - especially when Oz shows up and confirms that he’ll be attending UC Sunnydale.

The girls wind up at the library, which awes Willow by its sheer size (of course it would…). As they shop for books, Buffy accidentally knocks a stack of books onto a guy. They help him up, and he introduces himself as Riley, a fellow student who just happens to be teacher’s assistant in the psychology class Buffy and Willow are taking. While Buffy babbles incoherently, showing her utter lack of knowledge in psychology, Willow and Riley bond over the topic.

Buffy’s lovely first day continues as she meets her new roommate, Kathy Newman. A somewhat overly enthusiastic girl, Kathy promises they’ll get along fine - and proceeds to pin up a Celine Dion poster, as a distressed Buffy looks on. That “getting along” part gets worse that night, when Buffy tries to find sleep despite a loudly snoring Kathy.

The next day sees Buffy get kicked out (rather rudely) of her first class - Pop Culture - for whispering to other students and (worse!) not being on the list. The teacher stamps flat our Slayer’s self-esteem by telling her that she’s sucking energy from all those who genuinely want to learn.

Still reeling, Buffy runs into Riley in the hallway. After he finally remembers her - as Willow’s friend - she asks him whether the Psych teacher would be the type to throw her out of the class. He reassures her, and leads the way to said Psych class, where she sits with Willow and Oz. The teacher, tough-as-nails Maggie Walsh, does manage to spook Buffy by saying that her t.a.’s call her “the evil bitch monster of death”.

That night, as she tries to find her way to her dorm, Buffy finally meets someone who’s just about as lost as she is, a somewhat dorky guy named Eddie. As they combine their efforts to find their way, they compare notes on Maggie Walsh’s class; along the way, Eddie mentions that his favourite book is called “Of Human Bondage”, and that he never parts with it - it’s a kind of security blanket. Quite happy with one another, the new friends part ways - but unfortunately for Eddie, he gets attacked and killed by some vampires. Afterwards, they go to his room, take all his belongings and leave a fake goodbye note on his bed.

The next day, Buffy, worried at Eddie’s absence in class, goes to his dorm room where his roommate shows him the goodbye note Ð which states that he thought college was too much for him. But Buffy finds Eddie’s favourite book on the nightstand, and looks very dubious.

Meanwhile, in an abandoned building, the vampires go through Eddie’s stuff; the leader, a blonde named Sunday who bears an unfortunate resemblance to Cindy Lauper, deplores that there isn’t more cool stuff in Eddie’s belongings. Then, said Eddie arises… a vampire.

Still looking to find the missing student, Buffy goes to Giles’ place, where she is greeted by a striking woman wearing only one of Giles’ shirts. As an astonished Buffy steps inside, Giles, wrapped in a bathrobe, introduces her to Olivia. After making sure Giles knows how thoroughly grossed out she is by that scene, Buffy tries to enlist his help. But the jobless Watcher reminds her that she has to learn to handle things by herself, and that he can’t be there for her all the time. Disappointed that her Watcher has turned into Hugh Hefner, Buffy leaves.

Patrolling on campus that night, Buffy encounters Vampire Eddie and stakes him. But Sunday and her goons show up, and the blonde vampire, realizing that Buffy is the Slayer, claims her for herself. The two trade insults and begin fighting Ð which quickly reveals that the Slayer is not at full strength. Sunday trounces her, breaking her arm and forcing her to flee.

The next day, a bruised Buffy, walking alone and dejected on campus, spots Willow and Oz happily chatting with friends. Not wanting them to find out what happened, she turns away before they see her.

In their lair, Sunday and her gang make fun of the Slayer, and make plans to finish her off. Meanwhile, Buffy goes back home - to find that her mom has used her bedroom as a storeroom for the art gallery. As she expresses her disapproval, the phone rings and she answers - but thereÕs no one on the line (it’s actually Angel, as you may have found out in the Angel series premiere).

Buffy goes back to her dorm room even more depressed - but finds her half of the room empty, and a goodbye note on her bed…

Our Slayer drags herself to the Bronze, alone. There, as a romantic slow plays, she spots a guy she thinks is Angel, is not. Just as things couldn’t get more depressing for Buffy, Xander shows up, cheering her up considerably. They sit down and catch up - it turns out that Xander didn’t tour the country as he planned; his car broke down in Oxnard, and he had to wash dishes (and perhaps do something else) in a strip club to afford repairs. He reveals that he’s now living in his parents’ basement and paying a rent.

Buffy, in turn, fills him in on her unfortunate encounter with Sunday, and confides to him that she doesnÕt think she can beat her - and can’t cut it in college. But Xander cheers her up by telling her that she’s always been his hero, and reminds her that he’s always there to help her. The two of them go to a computer room on campus and do some research; they find out that Sunday and her gang are using an old abandoned frat house.

While Xander leaves to get weapons, Buffy climbs up to a skylight on the roof of the frat house and spies the vampires making fun of her belongings Ð including Mr. Gordo. “Laugh all you want. This time we play it my way”, she mutters - before accidentally crashing through the skylight, down to SundayÕs feet, further making a fool of herself.

Meanwhile, Kathy, Buffy’s roommate, has alerted Willow and Oz to her disappearance. Xander shows up in the room, and enthusiastically hugs Willow Ð then Kathy. Realizing he doesn’t know her - and she doesn’t know what Buffy is Ð he cryptically informs Willow and Oz of the “prank”.

Back at the lair, Buffy starts fighting the vampires, albeit awkwardly because of her arm. But then Sunday steps on Buffy’s “Class Protector” umbrella, infuriating her into full Slayer mode. Buffy shows Sunday she doesn’t need both arms, dusting her in no time.

Willow, Xander and Oz arrive right on time to help Buffy pick up her belongings. As they leave, they run into Giles, who after having second thoughts decided that he had to help Buffy.

One vampire has managed to escape the carnage. However, as he runs away, he’s hit with taser guns and abducted by mysterious men wearing ski masks…

Summary by OttsFiveByFive.

Episode Ratings

Mac - “For some reason I couldn’t get into the first episode of the season.”

DJ Angelus -

“Not Slam Bang start we are used to, but gets us used to Sunnydale U.”

Quotes

Key: B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, O=Oz, J=Joyce, K=Kathy, R=Riley, PW=Professor Walsh, S=Sunday, E=Eddie

B: Introduction to the Modern Novel? I’m guessing I’d probably have to read the modern novel. W: Maybe more than one. B: I like books… I just don’t want to take on too much. Do they have an introduction to the modern blurb?

W: Professor Walsh is supposed to be great. She’s world-renowned. B: How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to be nowned first? W: Yes, First there’s the painful nowning process.

W: “Images of Pop Culture.” This is good. They watch movies, TV shows, even commercials. B: For credit? W: Isn’t college cool?

W: You did sort of wait until the last minute with your course selection. B: Sorry, Miss “I chose my major in play-group.”

B: It’s been a very slay-heavy summer.

B: I gotta stay sharp. Is this guy ever going to wake up?

Girl: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior? B: Uh, you know, I meant to, and then I just got really busy.

W: Isn’t this cool? There’s so much going on. B: Yeah. Almost, one might say, too much.

W: I’ve heard about five different issues, and I’m angry about each and every one of them.

W: I didn’t get jello shots. I’ll trade you for a “take back the night.”

W: It’s just, in high school, knowledge was pretty much frowned upon. You really had to work to learn anything. But here, the energy, the collective intelligence… It’s like this force, this penetrating force, and I can just feel my mind opening up, you know, and letting this place just thrust into and- and spurt knowledge into… That sentence ended up in a different place than it started out in.

W: Ooh, boyfriend! It’s my on-campus boyfriend. B: Oh, no, I forgot to pick mine up. Line’s probably really long now, too.

O: My band’s played here a lot. It’s still all new. I don’t know what the hell’s going on.

B: Gentleman of leisure? Isn’t that just British for unemployed? W: Uh-huh. He’s a slacker now.

W: He said he wasn’t coming back until he’d driven to all 50 states. B: Did you explain about Hawaii?

B: Yeah, this is great, you know, if we ever need a place for the Nuremberg rallies. W: This is a real library. Man: Shhh! W: See, we even have to whisper. It’s like a whole new world.

B: I can’t wait till mom gets the bill for these books. I hope it’s a funny aneurysm.

B: You know, this store discriminates against short people. W: Oh, I think there’s a protest next week.

B: I’m so… the books were just too high, and then everything was bad.

R: So, are you girls taking Intro Psych, or do you just want me dead? B: Uh-huh. I mean, the first one.

R: I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten my manners in all the concussion.

R: It’s nice to meet you both. B: I’m nice to meet.

R: I don’t meet that many freshmen that know that much about psychology. W: Well, it’s fascinating. B: Yeah, you know, ’cause everyone’s got a brain. Or… almost everyone.

Prof: You are sucking energy from everyone in this room. They came here to learn. Get out. B: I didn’t mean to… suck.

B: You know, I was just wondering - Professor Walsh isn’t planning on yelling at me and kicking me out of the class, is she? R: It’s not in her lesson plan.

PW: Those of you who fall into my good graces will come to know me as Maggie. Those of you who don’t, will come to know me by the name my TA’s use and think I don’t know about, “The Evil bitch-monster of death.”

E: Did you lose your way? B: Me? Oh, no, no, no - I’m just going to Fisher Hall, which I know is on the… Earth planet. Recently voted “Most Pathetic”, uh-huh. E: Well, I’m lost, and I have a map, so… B : Ooh, I come in second.

B: She’s not afraid of the long words, huh?

E: A lot of the courses are really tough. B: I’m a little upset. I had it on good authority that this was a party school.

B: I still feel like carrying around a security blanket. E: Of Human Bondage. Have you ever read it? B: Oh, I’m not really into porn. I mean, I’m just trying to cut way back.

W: You made a friend? Good for you. B: Thanks, mom.

S: Boring, boring, boring… astonishingly boring. We- we have to kill some cooler people. Will somebody remind me?

Vamp girl: Does this sweater make me look fat? S: No. The fact that you’re fat makes you look fat. That sweater just makes you look… purple. VG: You’re such a loser. S: Hey, words can hurt like a fist.

S: Do we have a Klimt? Boy vamp: Big score for Klimt! Monet still well in the lead, but look out for Team Klimt coming from behind. S: Freshmen. Man, they’re so predictable. BV: And you can never eat just one.

S: I gotta get me some better lackeys, I swear.

Olivia: Rupert, is this bleu cheese, or is it just cheese that’s gone blue?

B: I think someone had just a little too much free time on their hands. G: I’m not supposed to have a private life? B: No! Because you’re very, very old, and it’s gross.

G: You haven’t described anything you can’t do yourself. B: Okay, remember before you became Hugh Hefner, when you used to be a Watcher?

B: How am I supposed to hunt in this mob? Don’t you people have homes?

B: God, I was worried that something had happened to you, and of course it has, because you’re a vamp.

B: And you are? S: Oh, I’m Sunday. I’ll be killing you here in a minute or so. B: You know, that threat gets more frightening every time I hear it. BV: Uh, are we gonna fight, or is there just gonna be a monster sarcasm rally?

BV: Okay, but you gotta share the eatin’, ’cause I’m thinking Slayer’s blood’s gotta be, whoa, like Thai stick. B: I thought people were supposed to get smarter in college. S: Yeah, I think you had a lot of misconceptions about college, like that anyone would be caught dead wearing that.

BV: No, the best part was when you ragged on her clothes. She was like, “No, not the ensemble!” S: Those jeans with the little patches? She has no one to blame but herself. GV: I heard they’re coming back. S: Not if I kill every single person who wears them.

J: But I didn’t move anything. It’s still your room. B: You filled it with packing crates. J: Yeah, but I didn’t move anything. B: If it’s still my room, shouldn’t I be able to fit in it?

B: Is America nice? I hear it’s nice.

X: Basically, I got as far as Oxnard, and the engine fell out of my car. And that was literally. So, I ended up washing dishes at the fabulous “Ladies Night” club for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. No one really bothered me, or even spoke to me, until one night when one of the male strippers called in sick, and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Suffice to say I traded my car in for one that wasn’t entirely made of rust, came trundling back home to the arms of my loving parents, where everything was exactly as it was except I sleep in the basement, and I have to pay rent. How’s college? B: Male strippers? X: No power on this earth.

B: College is good. X: Okay, once more, with even less feeling.

X: And you’re sitting here alone at the Bronze, looking like you just got diagnosed with cancer of the puppy.

X: Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to anger. No, wait, hold on. Fear leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side. Hold on, no… First you get the women, then you get the money, then you… Okay, can we forget that? B: Thanks for the Dada-ist pep talk. I feel much more abstract now.

X: The point is, you’re Buffy. B: Yeah, maybe in high school I was Buffy. X: And now, in college, you’re Betty Louise? B: Yeah, I’m Betty Louise Plotnick of East Cupcake, Illinois. Or I might as well be.

X: When it’s dark, and I’m all alone, and I’m scared or freaked out or whatever, I always think - “What would Buffy do?” You’re my hero. Okay, sometimes when it’s dark, and I’m all alone, I’d think, “What is Buffy wearing?” B: Can that be one of those things you never, ever tell me about?

B: I think, I say thank you. X: And nothing says thank you like dollars in the waistband.

X: You up for a little reconnaissance? B: You mean where we all sculpt and paint and stuff? X: No, that was the renaissance. B: Oh. I’ve had a really long week.

B: Oh! That’s my skirt! You’re never gonna fit in it with those hips. We have to kill them.

S: Say, don’t I know you from… beating the crap out of you?

S: I must say, you’ve really got me now. I mean, this is a diabolical plan - throw yourself at my feet with a broken arm and no weapons of any kind. How am I gonna get out of this one? B: You’ve got a nice set-up here. But you made one mistake. S: What was that? B: Well, I’m not actually positive. But statistically speaking, people usually make at least…

W: Buffy wouldn’t just take off. That’s just not in her nature. Except for that one time she disappeared for several months and changed her name, but there were circumstances then.

K: Does Buffy have a history of emotional problems? ’Cause on my request form, I was pretty specific about a stable non-smoker.

W: How can you be so calm? O: Long, arduous hours of practice.

X: I don’t know you, do I? K: No. X: This is very intrusive, isn’t it? K: Little bit.

X: Do we hug? O: I think we’re too manly.

B: When you look back at this - in the three seconds it’ll take you to turn to dust - I think you’ll find the mistake was touching my stuff.

S: How about breaking your arm? How does that feel? B: Let me answer that question with a head-butt.

G: Let’s find the evil, and fight it together. B: Great. Thanks. We’ll get right on that. G: The evil is this way?

Credit: The Sunnydale Slayers