Living Conditions

Writer: Marti Noxon Director: David Grossman

Cast : Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers, Nicholas Brendon as Xander Harris, Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg, Seth Green as Oz, Anthony Stewart Head as Rupert Giles.

Main guest stars : Dagney Kerr as Kathy Newman, Adam Kaufman as Parker Abrams, Paige Moss as Veruca.

Original broadcast date : October 12, 1999

My one-line description: After watching this episode, you won’t want to hear that song by Cher ever again.

It’s a late evening at Stevenson Hall, Buffy’s dorm, and the sounds of Cher’s music are coming from room 214. Kathy, Buffy’s roommate, is ironing her jeans while listening to the song over and over again. She is obviously starting to get under the Slayer’s skin - especially with her obsession for details, such as wanting to know where Buffy is all the time, and creating a system where the girls have to log in their phone calls. Buffy mercifully escapes - saying she needs to go on a coffee run - and meets up with Willow for patrol, who of course gets an earful about Kathy. Buffy still has a positive outlook, though - that is, until Willow leaves to find Oz, and Buffy is joined byÉ Kathy. Buffy very quickly throws her out of the way, as a demon with glowing green eyes lunges out of the bushes at them. The Slayer fights it until it takes off, prompting Kathy to get up and complain about her ruined sweater. Buffy explains that a guy tried to mug her, and the two roommates head back to the dorm.

Behind them, the glowing-eyes demon is joined by another of his kind. In demon language (with subtitles for poor ignorants like us), they wonder if “she’s the one”, and decide to follow her.

The next day, Buffy hangs out outside GilesÕ place, to avoid being with Kathy. She also fills in her Watcher (who has just been exercising) on the demon which attacked her, so he can look it up. Giles tells Buffy that she has to learn to be tolerant of her roommate’s habits, and the Slayer promises to become a “roommate extraordinaire”.

Meanwhile, Kathy is still trying to scrub the mud off her sweater. Then, she eyes Buffy’s closet and gets an idea Ð rummaging through it (and stumbling on the weapons bag), she finds a sweater she likes and borrows it.

At lunchtime, Buffy spots Kathy coming into the cafeteria and hides behind a male student to avoid her. He humors her, and takes the opportunity to introduce himself - Parker Abrams - and give her tips on how to get the most out of her dining card. At last, they part ways, and Buffy goes to sit with Oz, Willow and Xander. Alas, Kathy invites herself to their table. Buffy notices that her roommate is wearing her sweater, but tries to play nice. That is, until Kathy takes a huge bite out of her sandwich, and sauce spills all over the sweater… Buffy’s eyes squint fiercely.

Later, Buffy, on the phone with Willow, whines about Kathy and how annoying she is; but Willow has a hard time hearing, since her own roommate is holding a wild party in the room. Buffy quickly hangs up, though, since Kathy has come into the room. What follows shows the extent of the tension between the roommate - Buffy goes to the fridge and finds that Kathy has written her name on her eggs and her milk, while Kathy closes the window. Buffy goes back and opens it - she likes the fresh air.

The two girls finally go to bed, and Buffy has a weird dream involving the green-eyed demon, a scorpion on her belly

• and her soul being sucked out through her mouth. She wakes up with a start and finds Kathy glaring at her, asking if she always makes weird noises when she sleeps.

The next day, Buffy is describing her dream to Giles and the Scoobies, when Kathy shows up Ð much to the Slayer’s displeasure. Giles goes on with his theory on Buffy’s dream, and Kathy, hearing this, tells him that she had the same dream. As the two roommates exchange heavy-duty barbs, Giles is at a loss to explain why they both had the same dream. He leaves to do research, Buffy goes to class, and the Scoobies discuss Buffy’s harsh attitude toward her roommate.

Somewhere else, a couple of demons, standing around a fire, discuss how “she is definitely the one”, and perform a ritual to call forth another demon - Taparrich (whoever he is).

That night, Buffy goes back to her room to find Kathy and Parker in deep conversation. She takes it in a very wrong way, interpreting it as Kathy trying to steal Parker from her. After he leaves, the two girls start bickering. Trying to upset Kathy, Buffy goes to the fridge, takes out the milk carton and drinks it all in one big gulp till it dribbles all over her.

Meanwhile, Willow tells Oz that she can’t keep an eye on Buffy as Giles asked them to, since she has an English paper to write. Oz gallantly offers to spend some time with Buffy, and does join her on patrol. However, all Buffy is interested in doing is complaining and whining about Kathy. At one point, she gets so frustrated that she takes it out on a bench, which she shatters - making Oz quite worried.

That night, Buffy and Kathy annoy themselves mutually (again) with the noises they make. Buffy, unnerved by the sound of Kathy clipping her toenails, starts tapping her pencil on a book, which equally annoys Kathy, who puts on that song by Cher once again, full blast. Buffy puts on earmuffs, and spies Kathy cracking open a boiled egg. Having had enough, Buffy announces that sheÕs going to bed.

That night, the two girls have that dream again, and wake up at the same time, looking equally startled.

The next morning, as the Slayer makes her way to class, she finds Kathy talking to Willow about how weird and touchy Buffy is. Kathy promptly leaves as soon as she sees Buffy, who proceeds to angrily ask her friend why she was talking to Kathy. She then shows Willow a bag of her roommate’s toenail clippings, claiming that she measured them and they grew overnight. Buffy’s conclusion is that Kathy is a demon and must be killed. Willow urges her to consult Giles before she does anything, and Buffy agrees. After the Slayer walks away, a thoroughly spooked Willow finds a payphone and calls Giles to inform him that Buffy has gone off the deep end, and is on her way to his place.

Buffy walks into Giles’ apartment and finds it empty. As she wanders further inside, a net drops onto her, and Xander and Oz rush out of a hallway to tie her up. Buffy is outraged, and tries to convince Giles that Kathy - who listens to Lite FM and irons her jeans, and whose toenails keep growing after they are cut - is truly evil. Giles asks Xander and Oz to keep an eye on the Slayer while he goes out to get supplies to cure whatever’s wrong with her.

Meanwhile, Willow tries to convince Kathy that she shouldn’t be there when Buffy gets back, but then she gets a call from Oz, informing her that they have the Slayer. A relieved Willow tells Kathy that she ought to stay where she is, and leaves.

But Xander and Oz haven’t tied BuffyÕs ropes tight enough, and she manages to break free and knock them unconscious. She goes back to her dorm room, and it’s not long before the two girls are physically going at it - in the midst of it all, Buffy rips off Kathy’s face, revealing the demon underneath. Kathy reveals that she has indeed been stealing Buffy’s soul, so that her people won’t recognize her when they come to take her back where she came from.

Meanwhile, Giles has discovered that the toenails have indeed kept growing, and found out what kind of demon they’re dealing with. Xander and Oz, rather embarrassed at letting Buffy slip away, rush to the dorm to help her while Willow and Giles perform a spell to return her soul to her body. The ritual works - just in the nick of time, since Taparrich arrives and successfully identifies Kathy. After lecturing her, he takes her back to their world through a vortex in the ground.

Sometime later, Willow is moving into Buffy’s room, putting up a Dingoes poster where the Celine Dion one used to be. Buffy tells her new roommate how glad she is that they’re rooming together. She goes on to say that she’s happy it was just the soul thing making her no-fun Buffy. Willow interrupts her by biting into the sandwich Buffy was munching on, eliciting an evil glare from the Slayer…

Summary by OttsFiveByFive.

Episode Ratings

Mac - “Another sub-par episode. That’s two in a row.”

DJ Angelus -

“Threw us a nice curve and anyone who have ever had a roommate I’m sure could relate.”

Quotes

Key: B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, O=Oz, J=Joyce, K=Kathy, R=Riley, PW=Professor Walsh, P=Parker Abrams

B: Wow. This music is so… so… K: I know. This song is super fun, isn’t it? B: You bet. It just gets fun-er and fun-er every time you play it.

B: I’m sort of an “up” kind of night person.

K: I wanted to show you this little system I implemented. B: Oh, goody. A system.

K: ’Cause, I figure, a stitch in time… B: Catches the worm.

K: I just wanted to make sure - that we didn’t have a thief or something. B: Like who? Sid the wily dairy gnome?

B: Kathy’s nice and all, but she’s sort of… I don’t know, like Mini-Mom of Momdonia.

B: Did you just hear something? W: I’m chewing my gum kind of loud. B: That’s not it. W: My sneakers are squeaky. B: I’m looking for something lurk-y here, Will. W: Oh.

W: Did we not put the “Grr” in girl?

W: Happy hunting. B: Wish me monsters.

B: All right. Why don’t you quit hiding and come out and face me like a… thing.

K: What the blizzard was that all about?

B: Boring… boring… bill… bill…

B: You run? G: And jump. And bend. And occasionally frolic. B: Okay… and what’s with “Motorbike & Scooter” magazine? G: Congratulations, you found me out. I’m a mod jogger. B: Okay, you’re not having one of those mid-life things, are you? ’Cause I’m still going “ick” from the last time you tried to recapture your youth.

G: What sort of demon? B: He had a cloak on, glowy green eyes, and his skin had a, like, super bad fake rub-on tan. G: Translate? B: Orangey?

G: You took your roommate patrolling with you? B: Well, I invited the whole dorm, but she was the only one that could make it.

B: What are you doing today? G: It’s a big day for me, actually. A friend of mine recently acquired an original Gutenberg demonography, and it suddenly occurs to me that you’ve never once asked me what my day’s plans were, which would lead me to inquire whether you’re feeling entirely yourself. B: That’s not true. I ask about you all the time. //pause// Okay, well, maybe the words don’t actually make it out of my mouth, but I think about it. G: And it’s appreciated.

G: But everybody has their idiosyncrasies. You’d do well to learn to tolerate them. B: Or I’ll end up an old lady who can only live with cats? G: Something like that.

P: Ex-boyfriend or loan shark? B: Excuse me? P: The person you’re hiding from. B: Oh. Both. Ugly break-up.

X: Hey! Say hi to non-college guy. B: Not that I mind, but don’t non-college guys usually populate the non-campus?

B: What’s the deal, Xand? Parents not feeding you? X: Sure they do… for a price.

W: What was that all about with the cutie patootie? B: I don’t know. Nothing serious, I think. Just random adorableness. X: Oh, a technique I know well. Hit the girl with your best shot, then hasta. O: Gotta respect the drive-by. X: Low rejection. Fond memories.

X: Something apocalypse-y? Do we need to assemble the Scooby gang? B: No, but thank you for asking. X: I just got way too excited, didn’t I?

K: Eww! Who left their gum here? B: Gum gnome?

B: And the worst part? I wake up, and there’s Kathy staring at me like I’m some kind of freak. O: Well, actually, the worst part I’d have to go with, the demon pouring the blood down your throat. W: Me, too. I would vote for that, too.

W: He’s our grown-up friend. N-not in a creepy way.

K: Sounds like somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. B: Mm-hmm. And guess what? You were next to it.

B: Cool. You guys can do the brain thing. I’m gonna go to class. O: Which could also be construed as the brain thing. B: Not when you’re minoring in Napping 101. W: Okay, so that was the evil twin, right? ’Cause she was bordering on Cordelia-esque.

G: Let me know if she, um… O: Hits the red zone?

P: It turns out Kathy’s a closet hockey fan. I think it’s the violence. K: Quit it! I told you that was just between us. P: Now, it could be the sweaty men.

K: Do you know what your problem is, Buffy? B: You?

W: What kind of demon runs around putting ooky blood dreams into people’s heads? Like some kind of nightmare fairy. It’s not right. O: Well, I’m against it.

W: If it wasn’t for this English paper, I’d be there right now, listening, doing the girly best-friend thing. O: Well, I can do that. W: You can? O: Oh, I’m not saying we’ll braid each other’s hair… probably. But I can hang with her, watch for signs she’s going over the edge.

B: So then, Kathy’s like, “It’s share time,” and I’m like, “Oh, yeah? share this!” //mimes punches// O: So either you hit her, or you did your wacky mime routine for her. B: Well, I didn’t do either, actually. but she deserved it, don’t you think? O: Nobody deserves mime, Buffy. B: Oh, Kathy does. She deserves to be locked in an invisible box, and blown away by an imaginary wind, and… O: Forced to wear a binding unitard? B: Yeah, the itchy kind. It’s perfect. O: Just here to help.

O: Just a thought, Buffy - do you think that all this ranting is scaring away potential demons? B: You’re right. Ooh! She’s even affecting my work now! She’d the Titanic. She’s a crawling black cancer. //smashes bench// She’s other really bad things. O: On the plus side, you killed the bench, which was looking shifty.

B: Kathy’s evil. I’m an evil fighter. It’s simple. I’m gonna have to kill her.

W: Toenails? B: Evil toenails. I took them off the floor last night when she was in the bathroom. She thought I was asleep. W: Good thinking. ’Cause in the middle of the night, those toenails could have attacked you and left little half-moon marks all over your body.

W: I just talked to Buffy, and yeah, I think she’s feeling a little… insane. No, not bitchy crazy, more like homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come see you, ’kay?

X: Buffy, this hurts me more than it hurts you. B: Not yet, but it will. X: Don’t say that. Please don’t say that.

B: She has parts that keep growing after they’re detached. She irons her jeans. She’s evil! She has to be destroyed. G: I fear the demon that Buffy met in the woods has somehow possessed her. B: Lite FM. Love songs. Nothing but love songs! X: Ya think?

B: Nope. Not tight enough.

G: “But while the Mok’Tagar can assume many forms and guises, including human, they can always be recognized by others of their kind due to their lack of a soul.” K: So I’m borrowing yours. B: Without even asking. K: Tonight when they come looking for me, they’ll take the one without a soul. B: Thank god. I don’t have to watch you floss any more.

X: Oh, why couldn’t Giles have shackles like any self-respecting bachelor?

W: So, Buffy was right all along. Later on, big remorse.

K: I’m 3000 years old. When are you going to stop treating me like I’m 900?

W: You gonna finish that? Credit: The Sunnydale Slayers