Doomed

Writer: Marti Noxon, David Fury & Jane Espenson Director: James A. Contner

Cast : Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers, Nicholas Brendon as Xander Harris, Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg, Marc Blucas as Riley Finn, James Marsters as Spike, Anthony Stewart Head as Rupert Giles. Main guest stars : Leonard Roberts as Forrest Gates, Bailey Chase as Graham Miller, Ethan Erickson as Percy West. Original broadcast date : January 18, 2000

My one-line description: Forget the demons. The real fiends in this episode are Spike’s new clothes.

This episode picks up exactly where “Hush” left off, with Buffy and Riley sitting face to face in silence. “What are you?” Riley finally asks. “Capricorn on the cusp of Aquarius”, she quips, annoyed. She then returns the question to him, and he evades it. She describes the Initiative commandos as she knows them from Spike’s descriptions. He points out that she wasn’t very forthcoming either. She finally admits that she’s the Slayer… getting a clueless look from Riley, who doesn’t know what a Slayer is. He tells how amazed he is at the fighting powers – she hasn’t got a bruise to show for the fight with the Gentlemen, while he does. She, in turn, tells him that she’s disappointed he’s not a normal guy, although he insists he is. Both of them agree that they need some time to take it all in, and Riley goes to leave. Suddenly, Amy the rat starts squeaking furiously, and an earthquake hits. They both run into the closet doorway – Riley is all impressed with his first earthquake. Buffy, as a true Californian, is not. Over at Xander’s, the earthquake has broken some pipes, which are leaking. Leaving for his new job as a pizza delivery man, Xander orders Spike to fix them, clean up the mess and do some laundry, saying that the vampire is doing nothing to earn his keep. An angry Spike tries to clobber Xander from behind with a wrench, but the pain from his chip keeps him from doing it. Willow informs Buffy that Porter Hall has no power and is taking the opportunity to have an Aftershock Party (this from the dorm that gave us the “day that ends in y” party). The redhead suggests that she invite Riley, but Buffy uneasily says that he’s probably too busy. Promising to be there herself, she leaves for Giles’ place. Buffy tries to convince Giles that something bad is coming; the last time there was an earthquake, she died. Giles brushes it off, blaming it on Mother Nature and showing more interest in the Initiative – he thinks its headquarters could be under UC Sunnydale, and that some members may even be attending the institution. Uncomfortable, Buffy tries to bring him back to the end of the world. Down in the Initiative, Riley picks Forrest’s brain about the Slayer, but his friend is convinced it’s just a myth, and that demons are nothing more than animals. Just then, one of the “animals” attacks Forrest, and Riley saves him. Then the two notice the demons rattling in their cages; but blame it on the earthquake. At the party, Willow, feeling quite alone, calls out to Percy, the guy she tutored in History the previous year. They do some small talk, until Percy’s girlfriend, Laurie, whispers in his ear and drags him away. Meanwhile, in a nearby room, a bare-chested male student mixes drinks when he’s attacked by a demon. He gets his throat slashed, and blood drips down onto the fallen drink glasses.

Willow is wondering where Buffy is when she overhears Laurie asking Percy if he’s ever flirted with her. Percy laughs at the notion, saying that Willow is “captain of the nerd squad”. Hurt, Willow goes to a nearby bedroom and lies down on the bed. Suddenly, the power comes back on, and reveals her sharing the bed with… dead boy, a strange symbol etched on his chest. Xander comes home from work to find his basement in a mess. Spike appears behind him and asks him not to turn around, but Xander does all the same… and beholds Spike wearing a Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts. Turns out he tried to wash his clothes, but shrunk them. The vampire asks Xander to get him real clothes and some blood, but Xander tells him off, saying that Spike isn’t a big bad anymore, and isn’t even weorth him kicking his “shiny white bum”. Buffy finally makes it to the party, which is by now over. An outraged Willow tells her about the murdered student, and of course about Percy calling her a nerd.

Tossing a toy football with Forrest in their dorm room, Riley starts talking about Buffy. Apparently, it’s far from the first time he’s mentioned her, because Forrest grows impatient and snaps at him. Then Graham arrives and tells both of them about the murdered student at Porter Hall; Riley asks his two friends to report to Professor Walsh while he investigates. Over at Giles’ place, Willow is reporting to the Scoobies on the night’s two peeves – Percy calling her a nerd, and the dead student. She tells them that the body was propped up, as if the killer had drained its blood. Then she shows Giles the sketch of the symbol on the kid’s chest, eliciting a strong reaction from him. “It’s the end of the world,” he says. “Again??”, the Scoobies exclaim in chorus. After reminding Giles that she told him the earthquake was bad news, Buffy announces that she’s going to stop whatever it is that’s going on. She goes to the cemetery, where she finds the symbol on the side of a mausoleum. Inside, a demon is collecting a child’s bones. She fights him, but he knocks her on a tombstone and escapes. Then Buffy sees a shadow looming over her, and bounces up in a fighting stance, ready to pummel… Riley. She asks him why he didn’t go after the demon; he answers that he’s no Slayer and that he’s got no weapons or backup. He then reports the sighting to the Initiative on his walkie-talkie. After he’s done, him and Buffy talk; she announces that she can’t be with him – the relationship would be doomed. He doesn’t understand why she’s saying that, and says he won’t walk away because it might not work. She argues that what he does is a job, even adventure, but what she does is her destiny and she’s stuck. He tries to convince her that she can change things, but she tells him her answer is no and walks away. The next day, at Giles’ place, the Scoobies find that they’re dealing with a Vahrall demon, out to end the world (of course). For that, he needs three sacrifices, of which he already has two (the blood and the bones); he also needs something called the Word of Valios. Meanwhile at the Initiative, Riley also briefs his troops on the demon; he informs them that wherever it goes, it leaves strong traces of pheromones, so they’ll be using a special detector invented by Forrest. He orders them to dress as civilians and keep their weapons in bags until the evening. Buffy and her friends, assuming that the Word of Valios is a book, have split up to look at the magic shop and at the museum, while Giles does more research. Willow and Xander stop by his basement to get a clean shirt for Xander, and walk in to see Spike trying to stake himself. Xander lashes out at him, saying that he should have trusted them enough to do the staking for him, but Willow is shows more empathy. Spike confesses that he’s not even remotely scary anymore, and Willow agrees – because of the clothes. She insists on not leaving him alone to try and commit suicide, so off with them Spike goes. That evening, Buffy and Riley run into each other on the street. He tries to talk some sense into her, saying that this whole thing is stupid, that she’s stupid, that if she looks out on life with a “doom and gloom” mentality, she’ll make things turn out exactly the way she predicted. He tells her their job has some fun in it, and Buffy, referring to Faith, points out that the last person she knew who had so much fun ended up in a coma. Changing gears, Riley comments that she probably wants to stay in the dark place because some good-looking guy in her past did her wrong. Accusing him of being out of line, she asks him to leave her alone, and he does – he stalks off. At his place, Giles has just found a picture of the Word of Valios in a book. It’s a talisman, actually… and a talisman he happens to possess. He prepares to escape with it, but three Vahrall demons appear and beat him up, snatching the talisman. When the gang later arrives, a battered Giles reveals that the Vahrall demons are going to try to open the Hellmouth under the old school library. The Scoobies, including Spike, arrive at the ruins of Sunnydale High and start making their way toward the remains of the library. There, they see the three demons beginning a ritual around a crack in the ground. Buffy charges and tackles them, while Willow and Xander retrieve the blood and the bones. Willow tosses the bones to Spike (who’s not pleased) while Xander fights a demon. Having had enough, the demon dives into the crack, making the earth shake and the Scoobies realize that the demons are the sacrifice. Tired of getting pummelled by the second demon, Spike gathers his strength and retaliates, expecting pain from the chip – but there is none. Realizing he can hurt demons, he vamps out and gives it all he’s got, hurling the demon… into the crack. Again, the earth shakes… Buffy orders the gang to get out, and then goes after the last demon. Riley appears and helps her, but the demon makes it to the crack. Not giving up, Buffy hitches herself to a tether Riley hands her, and down she goes… She comes back out, demon in hand, and as he dies, the earth trembles one last time. Meeting the gang outside, Riley excuses his appearance by saying he’d been playing paintball. They don’t believe him, and Xander says he’s one of the commandos. Riley nervously changes the subject, asking Spike, “Don’t I know you?” “Me? No, sir,” answers Spike in a horrid fake Midwestern accent. “I’m just an old friend of Xander’s here…” The next day, Buffy visits Riley’s room. He’s a bit depressed because his secret is out and he thinks that it’s the end of the world. “Not it’s not,” says Buffy, as she leans down to kiss him passionately. Over at Xander’s place, an over-energetic Spike is trying to convince Willow and Xander that they should go out and kill demons. However, they’re not interested – they just look at him in disbelief. Summary by OttsFiveByFive.

Episode Ratings

Mac - “It’s hard to be this week’s episode, when the previous week had one of the finest hours of television ever.”

DJ Angelus -

“Demon opening Hellmouth. Scoobies aren’t acting much Like a team anymore…”

Quotes

Key: B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, R=Riley, S=Spike, F=Forrest, P=Percy, L=Laurie

B: Somebody should speak before one of us graduates. R: What are you? B: Capricorn, on the cusp of Aquarius. You? R: Sorry. Came out a little blunter than I intended. It’s just… You’re amazing - your speed, your strength. B: Also passionate, artistic, and inquisitive. Who are you? R: You know who I am. The rest… what I do… I can’t tell you. B: Well, then, let me. You’re part of some military monster squad that captures demons, vampires - probably have some official sounding euphemisms for them, like… unfriendlies, or non-sapiens. R: Hostile sub-terrestrials. B: So, you deliver these HST’s to a bunch of lab-coats who perform experiments on them, which, among other things, turns some into harmless little bunnies. How am I doing so far? R: A little too well.

B: I thought a professional demon-chaser like yourself would have figured it out by now. I’m the Slayer. Slay-er? Chosen One. She-who-hangs-out-a-lot-in-cemeteries?

B: Look it up: Slayer, comma, The.

R: You whaled on those guys. B: You did pretty well yourself. R: Yeah, but I’m a walking bruise today. You see me with my clothes off, I look like a… I mean, I have bruises. I don’t see a scratch on you. B: You’re not looking hard enough. R: I’m looking pretty hard.

B: I really thought that you were a nice, normal guy. R: I am a nice, normal guy. B: Maybe by this town’s standards, but I’m not grading on a curve.

R: Sorry I’m so excited - it’s my first earthquake. B: It’s not mine.

S: Soddin’ chair’s bloody….. sodden.

S: I look like a plumber to you? X: No. You look like a big mooch who doesn’t lift a finger around here. But I have to get to work. S: Yeah, delivering melted cheese on bread. Doing your part to keep America constipated.

X: You earn your keep or you don’t get kept.

X: And doing a little laundry for once wouldn’t kill you. Unfortunately.

W: So naturally they’re dealing with the crisis the only way they know how: “Aftershock party.” B: Ah. This from the dorm that brought us the “Somebody Sneezed Party” and the “Day that ends in “Y” party.”

G: It was an earthquake, Buffy. A not uncommon occurrence in Southern California. No reason to think it was anything more. B: Oh, I so have a reason. A darn good reason. The last time we had an earthquake, I died. G: Yes, I know that, and therefore, I completely understand your anxiety. B: Oh, good. ’Cause I’d hate for my little untimely, horrible death concern to be ambiguous.

B: There’s gonna be a lot of red faces when the world comes to an end.

R: What’s a Slayer? F: Slayer? Thrash band. Anvil-heavy guitar rock with delusions of Black Sabbath.

R: You’re telling me she doesn’t exist. F: Oh, wait a sec. Am I bursting somebody’s bubble here? Maybe this is a bad time to tell you about the Easter Bunny.

F: All part of the medieval folklore garbage kooks dream up to explain things we deal with every day. R: How do *you* explain the things we deal with every day?

L: Why? So I can watch you flirt with the redhead? P: What, Rosenberg? Yeah, right. She’s just some egghead who tutored me a little in high school. I mean, she’s nice, but come on, Captain of the nerd-squad.

X: I hate to break it to you, Oh Impotent One, but you’re not “The Big Bad” anymore. You’re not even the “Kind of Naughty.”

B: Wow. I wasn’t sure where the party was, and then I saw the flashing lights and ambulance, and I was like, “Right, of course. Death, carnage - it’s a Buffy party.”

W: I found him - this guy on the bed with me, dead. Not me dead, he dead.

F: Okay, that makes 0 for a billion. You don’t got game, son.

R: Buffy - she’s pretty cool, isn’t she? F: Yes, already. She’s cool. She’s hot. She’s tepid. She’s all-temperature Buffy.

W: I mean, I know the Percy thing isn’t really important. It’s the dead guy on the bed. X: Yeah, that’s bad, too.

W: So I’m thinking, the whatever took a bunch of the guy’s blood with him. And I haven’t been a nerd for a very long time! Hello! Dating a guitarist. Or I was…

G: It’s the end of the world. B, W & X: Again?!?

B: I told you. I said end of the world. And you’re like, “Pooh-pooh, Southern California, pooh-pooh.” G: I’m so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse. W: No, it can’t be. We-we’ve done this already. G: It’s the end of the world. Everyone dies. It’s rather important, really. W: So what do we do? B: I stop it.

B: I wonder where I’ve seen this before? Where else? The place I spend most of my waking hours memorizing stuff off the sides of mausoleums. Big, freaky cereal boxes of death.

B: Very commandery. “Lilac” notwithstanding.

B: I can’t. R: Can’t talk? B: Can’t any of it. I can’t be with you. It’s a huge black pit of a mistake, and I can’t go there again. R: Again? You dated me before?

B: You don’t know what my life is like. R: And I’m dying to find out. B: Dying being the operative word here.

R: I’m confused… But I can feel my skin humming. My hands, my… my every inch of me. I’ve never been this excited about anybody before. I’m not trying to scare you, and I’m not gonna force myself on you. But I am, by god, not gonna walk away because I think it might not work. I don’t know what’s happened in your past… B: Pain. Death. Apocalypse. None of it fun.

G: A Vahrall demon. W: Ewww. X: I second that revulsion.

R: There’s no pattern that we can discern yet, so we gotta assume it’s on a basic kill-crush-destroy.

S: Good-bye, Dru. See you in hell. W: What are you doing? S: Bloody rot. Can’t a person knock?

X: What? He wants to die, I want to help. W: It’s ooky. We know him. We can’t just let him poof himself.

S: Oh, but you can. You know I’d drain you drier than the Sahara if I had half a chance. And besides, I’m beyond pathetic.

S: I mean, am I even remotely scary anymore? Tell me the truth. W: Well, the shirt is kinda… not very threatening. And the short pants… But, you know, it could also be ’cause I know you can’t bite. Which I guess isn’t what you really need to hear right now…

X: Think of the happy. If we don’t find what we’re looking for, we’re facing an apocalypse. S: Really? You’re not just saying that?

B: Actually, I need to go. Big-bad needs to be squished.

R: This thing, this you-and-me thing, it’s stupid. B: I know. Which is why we can’t do it, the you-and-me thing. R: No, I mean you’re stupid. I mean… I don’t mean that. No. I think maybe I do. B: Well, with sweet talk like that, you’ll definitely melt my reservations.

B: You know, there’s nothing more dangerous than a psych grad student.

R: Buffy, where is the bad, here? It just turns out that we’re even more well-matched than we thought we were. I mean, you’re a… fry cook. And so am I. B: Yes, but you’re an amateur… fry cook, and I come from a long line of fry cooks that don’t live past 25.

R: I know that it’s not just the job thing. I’m sure that there’s some good-looking guy who done you wrong in there, too.

W: Great, no Word of Valios. X: Not even a syllable of Valios. S: Which means I’m one step closer to melting in a sea of molten hell-fire, yeah? W: You shouldn’t talk like that. Yeah, okay, so you can’t kill anymore, but there’s other fun things you can do. You’ll adjust.

S: You. Kids your age are going off to university. You’ve made it as far as the basement. And Red here - you couldn’t even keep dog-boy happy. You can take the loser out of high school, but… W: I see what you’re doing. You’re trying to get us to dust you. S: Am not! I just don’t want pity from geeks more useless than I am. W: We’re not useless. We- we help people. We fight the forces of evil. S: Buffy fights the forces of evil. You’re her groupies.

G: Oh, as usual, dear!

G: They’re going to the Hellmouth. The one in the library. B: Looks like we’re going back to high school.

W: If we leave him alone, he’ll stake himself. B: And that’s bad because…?

X: Ewww! Mayor meat - extra crispy.

W: I think we’re near the library. Whoa. Check out the new floor plan.

S: That’s right! I’m back, and I’m a bloody animal! Yeah!

W: Spike, not in the hole! S: What? I was helping.

R: Well, hey! Willow, and Xander, right? Geeze, what are the chances, huh? Yeah, I was just passing by, and I thought I heard people inside. W: You were just passing by, in your G.I. Joe outfit? B: No offense, but you do look wicked conspicuous. R: I do? Paint-ball! Yeah, I was playing paint-ball, and then the aftershock…

X: It’s kinda weird being back, isn’t it? W: Yeah. Everything seems so small… and more charred and ruiny.

R: I’m just… I’m a dead man. Secret. Highly. Or it’s supposed to be. And then you find out. I can deal. You’re special. But last night with your friends was a disaster. I mean, could I have been less convincing? I was trained to be sneaky and stuff, and I’m like, “Hi, paint-ball, just passing by.” I should have just given them my security code and rank. B: You have a security code and rank? R: No.

S: What’s this? Sitting around watching the telly while there’s evil still afoot? It’s not very industrious of you. I say, we go out there, and kick a little demon ass. What, can’t go without your Buffy? Is that it? Too chicken? Let’s find her. She is the Chosen One, after all. Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty. Let’s annihilate them. For justice, and for the safety of puppies, and Christmas, right? Let’s fight that evil. Let’s kill something. Oh, come on! Credit: The Sunnydale Slayers