A New Man

Writer: Jane Espenson Director: Michael Gershman

Cast : Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers, Nicholas Brendon as Xander Harris, Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg, Marc Blucas as Riley Finn, James Marsters as Spike, Anthony Stewart Head as Rupert Giles. Main guest stars : Robin Sachs as Ethan Rayne, Amber Benson as Tara, Emma Caulfield as Anya, Lindsay Crouse as Professor Maggie Walsh. Original broadcast date : January 25, 2000

My one-line description: Giles gets a new job as poster boy for the Dodge Ram truck.

Buffy and Riley are making out in her room when Willow barges in, saying there’s a fire-breathing demon in the rec room. Off they go with weapons entering the darkened room to stumble upon… a surprise party for Buffy’s birthday. At the party, Giles is showing his age, sharing stories about his youth with Xander and Anya. Finally, a bored Anya announces she’s hungry, and Giles lets them go… Buffy comes over and introduces her new boyfriend, Riley - who goofs right from the beginning, assuming that Giles is “retired”. Buffy compounds the gaffe by telling her Watcher about Professor Walsh, whom she calls the most intelligent person she’s ever met. Giles, somewhat hurt, comments that they should have invited her to the party; digging herself in, Buffy answers that Maggie Walsh is “like forty” and has better things to do than hang out with some kids. The next day, Spike is packing up, preparing to leave Xander’s place. He talks about getting a crypt (although Anya suggests he get a hotel room). The former vengeance demon tries to give him a lamp as a housewarming gift, but Xander points out that those are given to friends, not enemies. Buffy is meeting with Professor Walsh, who now knows she’s the Slayer. The teacher tells her that they methods may differ, but that they may have things to learn from each other. She reveals that she’s trying to get clearance for Buffy to join the Initiative. Trying to impress the Slayer, she asks Riley how many demons he’s slain. “17”, he answers. Seeing Buffy’s expression, Walsh asks her how many she’s slain… Buffy looks around the room. Dusting his bookcase, Giles finds a book which reveals that the demon prince Barvain will rise that evening… He calls Willow and enlists her help, saying they don’t have time to wait for Buffy. Buffy, meanwhile, is taking a stroll with Riley, telling him stories about the countless demons she’s slain. He’s quite impressed, but she tells him he can do as well, given time. He argues that he lacks Slayer strength, and isn’t even sure he could take her. “That depends on your meaning”, Buffy answers teasingly. On campus, Giles walks into Maggie Walsh’s office, asking if she’s seen Buffy. He introduces himself and comments that Buffy quotes her a lot; Walsh answers that Buffy is bright, but lacks academic encouragement. Giles defends Buffy, but Walsh adds that Buffy is too self-reliant and independent, faults that could stem from the absence of a strong father figure. Giles is deeply hurt by this.

That night, Giles, Willow and Xander head to the cemetery to take care of Barvain, but there’s no sign of him. Willow and Xander explain that maybe the Initiative got there first and cleaned up. Giles is confused until he learns that Riley is part of the commandos – another tidbit Buffy hadn’t told him. He’s hurt, and further crushed when he learns that Maggie Walsh is head of the Initiative. Now thoroughly depressed, Giles dismisses Willow and Xander and waits for the demon, alone. Instead, he gets… Ethan Rayne. Giles likes the idea of thrashing his former friend, but Ethan states that he has information about something bad that is coming up and that Giles needs to prepare against. Over a couple of drafts, Ethan tells Giles that all the demons are scared of something called “314”, the kind of scared that turns to angry. Apparently, this “314” is upsetting the balances of the worlds, announcing a hell of a fight. Meanwhile, Buffy and Riley test out each other’s abilities in the gym. After some sparring, they both admit to be holding back, and agree to go all out. A few seconds later, Riley goes flying across the room; as Buffy helps him up, apologizing profusely, he winces but insists he’s OK. Back at the bar, Giles, now quite drunk, is spilling all his life’s troubles – unemployment and Maggie Walsh chief among them. Ethan confesses that he poisoned the beer and Giles will be dead in an hour; the two stare at each other, and then Ethan bursts out laughing, saying he was joking. Giles comments that he’ll feel like hell in the morning, but Ethan convinces him to enjoy himself. In Tara’s room, Willow and Tara try out a spell which consists in making a rose float, then plucking the petals with their combined minds. The rose does float up, but just as the girls are about to start plucking petals, the flower starts flying around the room, finally ending up on the carpet, smoking and its petals gone. Willow and Tara are very much freaked out. The next morning, Giles wearily turns off his alarm clock and gets out of bed, feeling like hell. Downstairs, he spots himself in the mirror – he’s now a huge demon with horns like a ram. He hits the wall in frustration, and punches through. Realizing Ethan is responsible for this, he tries to pick up the phone, but breaks it. He then tears apart a favourite shirt of his, trying to put it on; wrapping a blanket around himself, he leaves, tearing the door off its hinges. At breakfast, Willow reports to Buffy what happened with the spell she and Tara attempted, and suggests dark magic forces might be interfering. Buffy proposes to ask Professor Walsh about it, but Willow suggests she might want to tell Giles instead – she fears he’s feeling neglected, not having been told about Riley and the Initiative. Buffy thought she’d told him, and says she’ll make it up to him. Giles goes over to Xander’s place, lets himself in, and catches Xander still sleeping. Gently shaking him, he warns him not to be afraid of his appearance. Xander does wake up – and sees a demon speaking demon language to him. Freaked, he starts throwing pots and pans at Giles, who shouts who he is – to no avail. He finally flees, making passersby scream on his way out. That evening, the Scoobies head to Giles’ place to tell him about the demon that attacked Xander. However, finding the front door unhinged, Giles’ shirt ripped and the house in disorder, they conclude that the demon must have taken the Watcher, or worse, eaten him (this from Anya of course). Over at the cemetery, Spike, who’s busy measuring a crypt, spots Giles and looks forward to fighting him. Giles mutters under his breath, and Spike understands him (he speaks Fjarl demon language). Giles offers him $200 dollars to help him find Ethan; Spike offers to go warn Buffy, but Giles wants to resolve this without Buffy ever knowing it happened. Riley shows up at Giles’ place, surprising the Scoobies – the Initiative keeps wire taps on 911 lines, and found out there was demon activity going on. Buffy tells him Giles is gone, and Riley reassures her, telling him he’ll use the Initiative’s resources to find the demon. In the car, Giles asks the vampire what his demon powers are. Spike, who is doing the driving, answers that Fjarl demons have incredible strength, along with hard-as-rock paralysing mucus. Giles then complains that he’s feeling anger and a need for violence; Spike tells him to indulge, but Giles doesn’t want to – he’s a human being with a conscience. Suddenly, he spots someone on the street and asks Spike to stop the car. Getting out, he starts roaring and chasing… Maggie Walsh. She runs away screaming, and a satisfied Giles gets back in the car. The Scoobies find a picture of the demon they’re after, and Willow describes what the book says, pointing out that the demon can be killed with a weapon made of silver. Riley, who in the meantime has received a phone call, reports that the demon was seen emerging from a grey Citroen. They conclude that the demon must have stolen Giles’ car. Buffy suggests someone may be magically controlling the demon, and she and Riley leave for the magic shop to investigate. On her way out, Buffy grabs a silver letter opener. At the bar, Spike gets the waitress to give them Ethan’s address (he’d given it to her on his night out with Giles). Meanwhile, at the magic shop, Riley and Buffy find a receipt with Ethan’s name on it; Riley makes a call to trace Ethan’s hotel address, but then tells Buffy Maggie Walsh gave specific orders that he was not to take Buffy with him when the demon was located. She goes anyway, telling him she’s going and letting him tag along. Giles and Spike are also heading to the hotel when they spot two Initiative vehicles chasing them. He offers Spike an extra $100 to keep going while he jumps out. A few minutes later, Giles bursts through the door to Ethan’s room. Ethan tries to talk him out of killing him, but then Riley and Buffy arrive; Ethan designates Giles as the demon who killed Giles, and Buffy attacks… Meanwhile, Spike is keeping the Initiative commandos in the chase, piloting the Citroen the best he can. However, as his attention is kept to the rearview mirror, he doesn’t see the end of an alley coming up, and he crashes the Gilesmobile… In the hotel room, Riley tackles Ethan while Buffy takes care of Giles. Saddling him, she retrieves the letter opener and says “This is for Giles”. She stabs him in the chest, then sees the expression in his eyes… and recognizes him. Apologizing, she begs him not to die. He tells her that he feels quite well – but she can’t understand him. A bit later, Giles is back to his old self, and he asks Buffy how she knew it was him. She answers that it was his eyes – no one could look that annoyed with her. Ethan is taken into custody by the military police, and Giles goes outside for the joy of seeing them manhandle him into a police car. Meanwhile, Riley comments that Buffy is really strong, and that no one gives her orders. He teasingly adds that with two weeks of preparation, he could take her.

The next day, Giles is hooking up his new phone, pointedly telling Buffy that anyone could call him on it to give him information he needs; she apologizes for not telling him about Riley or the Initiative, and promises to tell him everything from now on. Giles observes that Ethan’s worries regarding the Initiative may be valid, and he encourages Buffy to keep her eyes open.

Over at the Initiative, Maggie Walsh tells Riley to be wary of Buffy, since she’s undisciplined and her loyalties are uncertain. However, Riley argues that Buffy is good at what she does, and Walsh agrees that she may turn out to be fine. Then he leaves, and Walsh goes through two magnetically-locked doors; as the second one closes, we can see the number “314” painted on it… Summary by OttsFiveByFive.

Episode Ratings

Mac -

“You can never go wrong with Giles in a demon suit.”

DJ Angelus -

“Funny ep. Slows the season’s pace down, but adds to the mystery what is 314.”

Quotes

Key: B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, R=Riley, S=Spike, A=Anya, E=Ethan, M=Maggie Walsh, T=Tara

B: We have to make this fast. I have better things to do tonight than kill. Everyone: Surprise! W: Guess you won’t be killing anything tonight after all. B: Don’t be so sure.

G: This is a lively space. It’s like an activity room we had at public school. One time I got up to a bit of a prank with the dartboard. A: I’m bored. Let’s eat. X: Anya, we talked about this. A: I’m sorry, that was rude. Please continue your story. Hopefully, it involves treacle and a headmaster. G: Go and eat.

B: Giles was the librarian at my high school. R: Ah, I’ve see the library. It’s gone downhill since you left. G: Yes. I’m embarrassed to say that I actually miss it at times.

R: So, you’re retired? G: I’m sorry? R: Or… you’re working somewhere else now? G: Well, not, um… sort of between projects…

B: But this is so nice having everyone together for my birthday. Of course, you could smash in all my toes with a hammer and it would still be the bestest Buffy birthday bash in a big long while.

G: I’m not sure I would have gone with the surprise party. You have enough things jumping out at you in the dark. B: Professor Walsh says adrenaline is like exercise, but without the exorbitant gym fees. G: Very witty. B: You should meet her. She’s absolutely the smartest person I’ve ever met. G: Perhaps we should have invited Professor Walsh to the party. B: Oh, no. I mean, she’s, like, 40. She’s got better things to do than hang out with a bunch of kids.

X: That’s my radio. S: And you’re what, shocked and disappointed? I’m evil. A: So what kind of place are you looking for? S: I don’t know. Maybe a crypt. Someplace, you know, dark and dank. But not as dark and dank as this. A: It’s pretty depressing, isn’t it? S: I’ve known corpses with a fresher smell. In fact, I’ve been one.

X: That’s my lamp. A: a gift is traditional. I read about it. X: That’s among friends. With bitter enemies, we don’t give them my lamp.

X: Out, before I get the Slayer over here to kick your ass out. S: I don’t know why she didn’t come. Say good-bye, shed a few tears. X: Well, she has an appointment with someone who’s actually still scary.

M: So, the Slayer. B: Yeah, that’s me. M: We thought you were a myth. B: Well, you were myth-taken.

M: We use the latest in scientific technology, and state-of-the-art weaponry, and you, if I understand correctly, poke them with a sharp stick.

G: The third new moon after the 900th feast of Delthrox… Oh, crap!

R: Wow. B: Those were my best stories. I didn’t tell you the “Buffy breaks her butt” stories. R: But you killed the… you did the thing with that… You drowned. And the snake? Not to mention the daily slayage of… Wow. B: It’s no big, really. Hey, who wants ice cream? R: Buffy… when I saw you stop the world from, you know, ending, I just assumed that was a big week for you. It turns out I suddenly find myself needing to know the plural of apocalypse.

R: Don’t get me wrong, the girls I grew up with could hold their own, but, well, I’m not even sure I could take you. B: That all depends on your meaning.

G: Professor Walsh, I presume. You’re hard to find. These halls are quite the labyrinth. I felt like Theseus and the Minotaur in the, uh, labyrinth.

G: Buffy’s been very influenced by your course. She quotes you quite often. Sometimes she sounds a bit like an introductory textbook herself. M: I don’t lecture from the textbook.

G: If you lead a child by the hand, then they’ll never find their own footing. M: And if it’s true about hiking, ergo it must be true about life.

M: I have found her to be a unique woman. G: Woman. Of course. How wrong of me to choose my own words.

W: You know. I’m sure you know. Riley’s one of the commandos. G: What?! Well, that’s marvelous, isn’t it? Here I am, spent weeks trying to get a single scrap of information about our mysterious demon collectors, and no one bothers to tell me that Buffy’s dating one of them? Who else knows? X: No one. No one else knows this. //pause// Anya, and that’s it. W: And Spike.

G: Nothing is gonna happen. //leaves crypt// E: I wouldn’t say that. I wouldn’t say that at all. In fact, Ripper, old mate, I’d say something rather interesting was about to happen… G: //re-entering // Did someone…? E: Oh, bugger! I’d thought you’d gone!

G: Ethan Rayne. You have no idea how much thrashing you is going to improve my day.

E: Brilliant. Now, isn’t this more fun than kicking my ass? G: No. E: Oh. It’s more fun for me.

E: Oh, so cross. We used to be friends, Ripper. When did all that fall apart? G: About the same time you started to worship chaos. E: Oh, religious intolerance. Sad, that. I mean, just look at the Irish troubles.

G: What are they saying? E: Oh, you know demons. It’s all exaggeration and blank verse. Pain as bright as steel. Things like that.

E: I know we’re not particularly fond of each other, Rupert, but we are a couple of old mystics. This new outfit, it’s blundering into places it doesn’t belong, throwing the worlds out of balance. And that’s way beyond chaos, mate.

G: You know what gets me? This is what gets me. Twenty years I’ve been fighting demons. Maggie Walsh and her Nancy Ninja boys come in, six months later the demons are pissing themselves with fear. They never even noticed me. E: Who’s Maggie Walsh? G: Oh, she’s awful. She said I was an absent male role model. Absent, my ass. But, I’m twice the man she is. E: You know, you’re really very attractive. G: Hmmm?

G: We’ve gotta face it. We’ve changed. Well, not you. You’re still sadistic and self-centered. E: Here’s to me. G: The world has passed us by. Someone snuck in and left a couple of has-beens in our place.

G: What am I? I’m an unemployed librarian with a tendency to get knocked on the head. E: Well, you won’t have to worry about that anymore, mate. When you went to the loo, I slipped a small pellet of poison in your drink. You’ll be dead in an hour. Just kidding!

G: I’m going to feel like hell in the morning. E: Relax. Enjoy the night. We’re still a couple of sorcerers. The night is still our time. A time of magic. G: To magic.

W: What the heck was that? T: I don’t know, but, uh, the petals are off.

G: I knew I’d feel like hell in the morning.

G: Oh, and I liked that shirt.

B: I like pancakes ’cause they’re stackable. Ooh, and waffles, ’cause you can put things in the little holes if you wanted to. W: You should always have a new boyfriend. You’re so much fun right now.

W: It was like a rose-based missile.

W: How come you never told him about Riley being a commando? B: I did. I didn’t? W: He says no. He’s feeling neglected and out-of-the-loopy. B: Well, I mean, I didn’t at first because Riley said not to. And then, meow, cat out of the bag, and I guess I just forgot that he didn’t know.

B: I’m spending today with Riley. W: Oh, yeah. I forgot. That’s what you always do on the days when the Earth revolves.

B: I sort of kicked him across the room last night. W: Um, that’s not good. B: We were sparring and he said not to hold back. And he’s a little dented. But he said he was okay with it. And I think he’s okay with it. Do you think he’s okay with it?

G: Still asleep? It’s 10:30 in the morning.

G: Bloody humans!

B: Okay, there’s a demon, and Giles is gone. But it doesn’t mean that he’s hurt. Oh, and there’s no blood anywhere, so maybe the demon just took him somewhere. A: I think it ate him up.

S: Well, what do I spy with my little eye? A demon. That would be - oh, right - the things I can kill. G: Spike. Wonderful. The perfect end to a perfect day.

S: And, by the way, why the hell are you suddenly a Fyarl demon? You just come over all demony this morning?

G: You have to help me find him. He must undo this, and then he needs a good being-killed. S: And I’m supposed to just help you out of the evilness of my heart? G: You help me, and I- I don’t kill you. S: Oh, tremendously convincing. Try it again without the stutter. G: Money? I could pay you money. S: Oh, I like money. How much? G: A hundred dollars? S: A hundred dollars. You’ll have to do a LOT better than that. 200. G: Fine. S: Right, then. G: Right, then.

R: What are you working on? B: We have stuff, pictures. A: We have nothing.

B: I keep thinking, “let’s ask Giles,” then I remember. X: He’s be great right now. He’d find himself in a second. Nobody is cooler in a crisis.

G: If you can’t find third gear, don’t try for third gear. S: I’m doing my best. I don’t know if I’m driving this thing, or wearing it. G: It’s perfectly serviceable. S: Funny hearing a Fyarl demon say “serviceable.” Had a couple of them working for me once. They’re more like, “Like to crush. Crush now?”

S: What was that? Did you growl? G: No.

G: Do I have special powers? Like setting things on fire with my sizzling eyebeams? S: Well, you got the mucous thing. G: What? Mucous? S: Paralyzing mucous. It shoots out through the nose. Sets up fast. Hard as a rock. Pretty good in a fight. G: Are you making this up? S: Maybe. But hey, if you feel a sneeze coming on, you warn me.

G: I don’t like this feeling. This sort of mindless need to destroy. This anger, rage. S: Good times. Go with it. G: No. S: It’s fun. I can’t do it. Do it for me. Let yourself go!

G: I have a soul. I have a conscience. I am a human being. Ooh, stop the car. Right, let’s go, then.

W: It stole Giles’ car. X: Why would a demon steal a car? A: Why would a demon steal THAT car?

S: Two of them, English, like me. But older, less attractive.

R: Buffy, I can’t take you with me. B: You’re not taking me with you. I am going, and I’m letting you come along.

S: How are you feeling, mate? G: Like snapping necks until everyone’s dead. S: Now, that sounds like a Fyarl demon. Good for you. Hey, picked up a tail. G: Yes, just a little one. Hurts when I sit.

S: It’s getting closer. And it’s got a friend! G: Damn! S: Oh, sure. Dismantle the getaway car. That’ll scare them.

E: Calm down. It’s okay. Good Giles.

S: You just try to stop me, you stupid jarheads…

B: Please don’t die. G: Actually, I feel quite well, except for the rage.

E: I’ve really got to learn to just do the damage and get out of town. It’s the stay-and-gloat that gets me every time.

B: You okay? G: Oh, um, embarrassed, mostly. Ethan’s wardrobe’s not helping any. How did you know it was me? B: Your eyes. You’re the only person in the world that can look THAT annoyed with me.

B: And why would I let you go? E: Well, maybe because you have no choice. I’m human. You can’t kill me. What’s a Slayer going to do to me? R: By the authority of the U.S. military, you’re being taken into custody, pending a determination of your status.

G: If you don’t mind, I’m going to go and watch them manhandle him into a vehicle.

R: You’re really strong. Like, Spiderman strong. B: Yeah. But I don’t stick to stuff. But, yeah. R: And you’re in charge. You’re, like, make the plan, execute the plan. No one giving you orders. B: I’m the Slayer. R: I like it. B: Yeah? R: But give me another, oh, week to get ready, and I’ll take you down.

B: Nice phone. G: Yes, fabulous technology. You see, if anyone has any information I need to know, they can simply tell me about it through this ingenious speaking tube. I’m very excited.

B: Uh-oh, you have but-face. You look like you’re gonna say “but.”

B: Are you sure you’re not just saying this because you don’t like Riley’s boss? G: No. No, I’m not saying that at all. Though I do hate her quite a lot.

R: You won’t be disappointed in her. She’s good at what she does. And she is one of the truest souls I’ve ever known. M: Oh, no - oh, no! Spontaneous poetic exclamations. Lord, spare me college boys in love. Credit: The Sunnydale Slayers