Superstar

Overall Rating: 8.4 Matt: 7.0 Eric: 9.8

Writer: Jane Espenson Director: David Grossman

Cast : Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers, Nicholas Brendon as Xander Harris, Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg, Marc Blucas as Riley Finn, James Marsters as Spike, Anthony Stewart Head as Rupert Giles.

Main guest stars : Danny Strong as Jonathan, Bailey Chase as Graham Miller, Leonard Roberts as Forrest Gates, Amber Benson as Tara, George Hertzberg as Adam, Emma Caulfield as Anya, John Saint Ryan as Colonel George Haviland, Robert Patrick Benedict as Adam’s Minion, Chanie Costello as Inga, Julie Costello as Ilsa. Original broadcast date : April 4, 2000

My one-line description: I love that episode. I even got the poster autographed… by Jonathan.

Buffy and the Scoobies are in the graveyard taking care of two vampires. Buffy dusts the first, but the second escapes… They follow it, and end up in a vampire nest where the fiends are feeding off a dead victim. As they exit the hideout, Buffy comments she could take care of it, but the others think they need help. The gang enters a tall white mansion, where they approach an oak desk. Buffy hesitantly states that they have a problem, and a leather chair swivels – revealing Jonathan (!!!). “Sounds like you can use my help”, he says confidently. At Giles’ place, the gang is preparing to attack the vampire nest. Buffy comes up with a plan to lure the vampires out, but Jonathan makes another suggestion, and Buffy’s plan goes ignored. As they leave, Jonathan moves a pawn on a chess board, checkmating Giles in four moves. In the hideout, Buffy shoots a vampire with her crossbow. Jonathan drops through a skylight and takes two other vampires. Buffy stakes another one, and Jonathan dusts the last one, which had escaped Buffy. Jonathan comforts the Slayer, who is disappointed she let a vampire get past her. As they emerge from the crypt, Jonathan is surrounded by a group of paparazzi. While he’s giving a lecture about vampires, he senses Spike lurking in the shadows… Spike barely notices Buffy (he calls her “Betty”!), but sizes up Jonathan instead (or sizes down, given Jonathan’s size). Jonathan knows about Spike’s chip, and threatens to make him look like instant soup mix if ever he should come back to normal. In Tara’s room, Willow and Tara are posting pictures of Jonathan on the wall, while discussing the action at the vampire nest. Tara asks how Buffy is dealing with Faith and Riley having slept together; Willow muses that they’re probably deep in smoochies right about now. Actually, they’re in his room discussing the Initiative’s assertion that it’s stopped drugging its soldiers’ food. Riley wonders if without the drugs, he’ll become weaker or dumber. He also comments that the Initiative hasn’t found Adam yet; he wishes they trusted him enough to get the job done. He tries to get closer to Buffy, but she gets uncomfortable and leaves. Later, Buffy shares her troubles with Jonathan over coffee at the Expresso Pump. She blames Faith for the whole mess with Riley, but Jonathan thinks she’s actually mad at Riley himself for not realizing she wasn’t herself. Signing a copy of his autobiography for a female fan, he encourages Buffy to forgive Riley, saying what they have is special. She’s not sure if it’s possible, but he tells her that if she really wants something, she can make anything happen. Over at the Initiative, the new boss, Colonel George Haviland, is briefing the soldiers of their mission to capture Adam. He turns over the briefing to their “tactical consultant” – Jonathan. Dressed in combat fatigues, Jonathan informs the commandos that Adam doesn’t need to eat, and possesses a uranium core in his chest which gives him unlimited power. Therefore, he says, Adam needs to be completely destroyed. Meanwhile, at Jonathan’s mansion, a Jonathan groupie spies on the house with some binoculars. As she complains that he’s never home, she’s attacked by a demon bearing an occult symbol on his forehead, and barely manages to flee. Back at the Initiative, it’s Riley’s turn to seek advice from Jonathan regarding his relationship with Buffy. Jonathan informs him that Buffy is ready to forgive and forget, but is just worried that he’ll compare her to Faith. He encourages Riley to tell Buffy she’s the only one for him. At the Bronze, the gang is listening to a jazz band. Jonathan appears on stage, and dedicates the next song to Riley and Buffy. As he sings a love ballad, the couple goes to the dance floor. Buffy holds Riley tight, and he tries to tell her how much she means to him; she interrupts him, softly saying that she knows. Then Jonathan leads the band into another song with a trumpet solo, playing a song from his new album. Tara gets all excited, and Xander and Anya leave to have sex. Then the groupie who was attacked by the demon – Karen – enters and goes straight to Jonathan. He stops the music and asks her what’s happened. When Jonathan and Buffy arrive at his mansion, the police are already there. Jonathan assures them that everything is alright, and they leave. Karen then describes the demon to Jonathan, drawing the symbol it had on its forehead. He reassures Karen, then rejects Buffy’s offer to patrol, saying that he’ll care of it. In a library, Adam sits in front of a series of monitors, reading. Seeing Jonathan’s name on all the channels, he realizes the world has been altered; he himself has not been affected, since he’s aware of every molecule in his body, more so than anyone else on the planet. He decides to leave Jonathan be, hoping the kind of unstable magic the superstar has used will lead to chaos. At the mansion, Jonathan is standing in front of a fireplace when two scantily-clad Swedish twins call for him to come to bed. He says he’ll be right there, and removes his bathrobe – revealing the demon symbol on his left shoulder. Heading back to their dorm rooms, Buffy, Willow and Tara discuss Jonathan’s promise to go after the demon. Buffy suggests that he might be a bit scared, but Willow reminds her that he doesn’t get scared (Buffy said so herself when presenting him the Class Protector award at the Prom). Then the girls separate, and Tara ventures alone in a dark corridor. The demon appears and attacks her, but Tara manages to conjure a clouding spell and lock herself in a janitor closet. The next morning, Buffy arrives to Tara’s room to find Willow tending to her friend. Apparently, Tara was attacked by the demon and spent the entire night in the closet. Willow is a bit thrown, since Jonathan was supposed to take care of it. Buffy walks around town, looking at all the posters, billboards and ads with Jonathan’s picture on them. She goes to Xander’s basement, where she finds only Anya, reading Jonathan’s autobiography. Buffy peruses Xander’s comic books and trading cards – all Jonathan. Then she asks Anya about her demon days, wondering if someone could wish the whole world to change; Anya answers that alternate realities can exist. That evening, Buffy convenes a Scooby meeting at Giles’ place. She tells them that Jonathan may be too perfect. She cites the fact that Jonathan finished med school before graduating from high school, and allegedly starred in The Matrix without even leaving Sunnydale. The gang rebels at the idea – after all, they all saw Jonathan smash the Master’s bones and defeat the Mayor – but Buffy tells them they shouldn’t trust their memories. The gang think she’s nuts, but they agree to look at a Jonathan Swimsuit calendar (Giles’ copy!) in search of evidence. They do find a month where Jonathan’s shoulder is exposed – with the symbol on it. Just then, Jonathan himself appears, and explains that every time he’s faced the demon, his mind has gotten confused, so he wears the demon’s symbol as a reminder not to underestimate it. Everyone happily believes him, but Buffy suggests she and Jonathan go hunt the demon together. In the graveyard, Buffy and Jonathan runs into Spike, who starts fondling the Slayer. Jonathan beats him up for information about the demon’s whereabouts, but Spike doesn’t give in. However, as Jonathan turns to leave, Buffy slams Spike against the wall again – shocking him into surrendering the information. At Giles’ place, the Scoobies have found that the symbol is part of an augmentation spell, meant to turn Jonathan into a paragon – the best of the best. However, to keep the balance intact, the spell has also created a paragon of evil – the worst of the worst. They conclude that if the demon is killed, the spell will be broken, making Jonathan revert back to his original self. Which means that he probably won’t want Buffy to find the demon… The Scoobies are quite surprised to find that Buffy was right; they wonder if she can manage to kill the demon – she’s never tackled something this big before. Jonathan and Buffy enter a cave where they find a bottomless pit. Suddenly the demon appears and knocks out Jonathan. When he comes to, Buffy is getting beat up by the demon; he tries to help, but can’t seem to hurt the demon. Buffy decides to take care of it on her own, and as she fights her confidence grows. However, the demon gains the upper hand and drags her to the precipice; Jonathan saves her, but falls in the pit with the demon. At the last second, Buffy grabs hold of Jonathan… Across town, posters and billboards revert to their original images as Jonathan’s face and name disappear from everywhere. The next day, Jonathan walks up to Buffy on campus and explains why he did what he did – he just wanted to make friends. She tells him that making friends is complicated, and it takes time and hard work. As he prepares to leave, he asks her if she remembers the advice he gave her about Riley; although he can’t remember the details, he’s convinced it was good advice. Buffy smiles gently. That night, Buffy is making out with Riley; she’s happy they’ve talked things out, although he argues they haven’t talked at all. Whatever – they resume the kissing… “Jonathan”, Buffy moans. Summary by OttsFiveByFive.

Quotes

Key: B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, R=Riley, S=Spike, A=Anya, J=Jonathan

B: Where’s the other one? X: Scampered like a big bumpy bunny.

W: I don’t care if it is an orgy of death, there’s still such a thing as a napkin.

B: A nest. No biggie. I bet I could do it. I mean, I know I could take at least two. A: Yes. And then we could run for help while the other three suck your heart out through your neck.

X: The quick draw is about more than speed. It’s also about pointing the stake the right way. And there can be splinter issues.

B: Thanks for doing this, Jonathan. I wouldn’t ask, but… J: Hey, don’t worry about it. Nest full of vampires, you come get me, okay. Box full of puppies, that’s more of a judgment call.

B: You got me. It was very… punchy.

G: I can’t find a reference to any rituals. Seems more like a… family meal, if you will. B: And they say no one eats without the TV on any more.

J: Well, it’s good to know we’re not walking into the unholy feast of something or other.

J: I’ll be the surprise guest. Everyone, let’s show these fiends that they came to the wrong town.

X: We knocked ’em dead. Which they already were. W: We knocked ’em deader. A: Well, they weren’t very well organized. If they’d all rushed at Buffy, they could have killed her right away. B: Thanks, Anya, that won’t keep me awake all night.

S: I wasn’t exactly pining for a noisy visit from Wonder- Jonathan and his fluffy battle kittens. B: Yeah? You think that one up with all the time you spend not being able to bite people?

S: Yeah, back off, Betty. B: It’s Buffy, you big, bleached… stupid guy.

J: Spike, you’re the worst type of scum. the second you’re back to your old tricks, well… let’s just say, before you even sniff out your first victim, you’ll be pretty indistinguishable from - oh, what should we say? - instant soup mix.

W: Twang. Poof! That was the sound. Crossbow and vampire dusting.

W: I know she’s not over the whole Riley sleeping with Faith thing. You know what I mean - Faith’s insides in Buffy’s outsides, when her insides were out.

B: (misses basket) You’d think I could do that. I guess it takes different muscles than demon beheading.

B: Now, if Slaying was a competitive sport, then I’d have a chance. You know, we could have figure staking, and speed staking.

B: It’s all Faith’s fault. She’s like poison. No, worse, she’s like acid that eats through everything. Maybe she’s a bomb.

B: There’s no way he could know. I mean, you don’t just look at someone and say, “Hey, that’s not your body. Get out of that body with your hands up!”

J: I mean, if I’m wrong, smack me. Karen with a “K” will lend you a book, and it’s pretty heavy.

A: I did not. X: Last night, with me, you said “Jonathan.” A: It was a moan. X: Fine, you moaned “Jonathan.” A: Nuh-uh. It was like, “A-a-a-ahhh.” X: Maybe it was “A-a-a-ahhnathon.” Still not fluffing up the old ego.

R: Quite the couple, aren’t they? B: They get into a fist fight, I got $50 on Anya.

B: Do we have to have the talk? No talk. More dance.

A: Xander? X: Yeah? A: Let’s go have sex now. X: Yeah. Okay.

Vamp: I wish you’d get rid of that body. The smell’s making me hungry.

Vamp: Huh. All right. Well, you’re the evil Messiah guy, so…

Adam: I don’t need to do anything. These majicks are unstable, corrosive. they will inevitably lead to chaos. And I’m interested in chaos.

B: No go. W: Did you just go, no go?

A: Xander’s not here. B: Oh. A: You’re not going away. Why aren’t you going away? B: Well, I was kind of hoping to look at some of Xander’s stuff. A: Oh. sure. Come on in, make yourself at home. And so on.

A: Oh, you’re still here? That’s nice.

A: Buck up, you. You kill the best. Go you. Kill, kill. B: Actually not needing validation right now, but thank you.

B: Anya, when you were a demon, you granted wishes, right? A: Vengeance wishes, on ex-boyfriends. I’d wish he was a dog, or ugly, or in love with President McKinley, or something. B: But someone could wish the whole earth to be different, right? That’s possible? A: Sure, alternate realities. You could have, like, a world without shrimp. Or with, you know, nothing but shrimp. You could even make, like, a freaky world where Jonathan’s like, some kind of not-perfect mouth-breather, if that’s what’s blowing up your skirt these days. Just don’t ask me to live there.

B: And how did he graduate from med school? He’s only 18 years old. X: Effective time management?

B: Well, I was just kind of wondering if maybe anyone else thought that Jonathan was kind of too perfect? X: No, he’s not. He’s just perfect enough. He crushed the bones of the Master, he blew up a big snake made out of Mayor, and he coached the US Women’s soccer team to a stunning World Cup victory.

B: I think that Jonathan may be doing something so that he’s manipulating the world, and we’re all, like, his pawns. A: Or prawns. B: Stop with the shrimp!

X: He blinked. The man moistens his eyeballs, and we’re having a meeting about it.

B: Giles, do you have a Jonathan swimsuit calendar? G: No. (pause) Yes. It was a gift.

W: Oh. A: Yeah, pretty darn lickable. W: The other kind of “oh.”

B: Shut up, Spike. S: Ooh, semi-harsh language from Betty.

J: Have you seen it? S: No. But then again, I’m probably lying.

S: Hey, what are you doing? You’re not supposed to do that!

R: These spells. These really work? I mean, can you really turn your enemies inside-out, or learn to excrete gold coins? A: That one’s not so much fun.

X: Right, you can’t just go “librum incendere” and expect… (book bursts into flames) G: Xander, don’t speak Latin in front of the books.

X: So we’re saying he did a spell just to make us think he was cool? G: Yes. X: That is so cool!

B: Wow. Fall down there and be dead for a while.

W: Buffy was right. Buffy was right? A: Doesn’t sound very likely, does it?

X: No, no, no! World without sunshine. World without joy.

B: I remember this. This is good.

A: Alternate realities are neat. X: You know what I’ll always remember? R: The swimsuit calendar’s sticking in my mind. Not in a good way.

R: Did anyone else feel way too tall?

J: One of the kids had this spell. He glossed right over the monster.

B: People didn’t like being the little actors in your sock-puppet theatre. J: You weren’t. You weren’t socks!

B: I’m glad we talked this all out. R: We haven’t talked at all. B: Oh. Well, whatever we’re doing, we’re doing it great.

Credit: The Sunnydale Slayers