Where the Wild Things Are

Writer: Tracey Forbes Director: David Solomon

Cast : Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers, Nicholas Brendon as Xander Harris, Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg, Marc Blucas as Riley Finn, James Marsters as Spike, Anthony Stewart Head as Rupert Giles.

Main guest stars : Bailey Chase as Graham Miller, Leonard Roberts as Forrest Gates, Amber Benson as Tara, Emma Caulfield as Anya, Kathryn Joosten as Mrs. Holt, Casey McCarthy as Julie, Neil Daly as Mason, Jeff Wilson as Evan, Bryan Cuprill as Roy. Original broadcast date : April 25, 2000

My one-line description: Shagadelic, baby!

In the graveyard, Buffy and Riley fight a vampire. However, a blue horned demon comes to the bloodsucker’s rescue, and the couple has to slay them both. After it’s done, they comment on the weirdness of a demon defending a vampire, but instead of reporting it to Giles, they go back to Riley’s dorm… Already kissing by the time they get there, they fall to the bed without wasting time. In the middle of the night, Riley wakes up and pads down the hall to identify the dripping sound that woke him up. Getting to the bathroom, he notices someone hasn’t shut the faucets in the bathtub correctly. The next day, Xander – trying yet another job – pulls up a curb in his ice cream truck. Anya, in the truck with him, tries to convince him to go to Riley’s party at Lowell House that evening; turns out that the ex-demon isn’t all that keen on being alone with demon hunters. Then the couple argues about how often they’ve skipped sex nights these days, and an irate Xander tells Anya that if she wants sex, alright, they’ll have sex, and he starts to take off his clothes… just as the couple spots the parents and kids lining up for ice cream, staring at them. In the student lounge, the Scoobies discuss the demon-vampire alliance of the previous night. Giles is puzzled, since the two species don’t get along that well. They conclude that Adam must be involved somehow, and Giles asks Buffy and Riley to look out for any other odd happenings. Riley then invites Giles to his party, but the Watcher declines, claiming “grownup things” to do at the Expresso Pump. Buffy and Riley realize they have 20 minutes of free time before class, and hurry off… to do the thing. That evening, Forrest and Graham fight the inexplicable cold at Lowell House. On their way downstairs, they stop by Riley’s room, where they hear him and Buffy keeping warm their own way… The two are in bed doing their thing, and can’t seem to stop; their ardour only seems to intensify… Downstairs, the fire burning in the fireplace suddenly grow larger, igniting Mason, one of Riley’s dorm mates. Forrest smothers the flames with a flag, while Graham goes to get help. The following evening, Spike jumps out of an alley and bellows at Anya, trying to frighten her into giving him her wallet. She refuses, but he explains that it’s how he keeps himself supplied in blood and beer. Then he notes that she’s not with Xander, and mockingly asks if he had better things to do. At Lowell House, the party is on, and the guys – Forrest, Graham and Riley – are making small talk by the stairs. But Riley isn’t completely there – he’s staring lovingly at Buffy across the room. Buffy is not paying much attention to what Xander is saying to her, Willow and Tara about his fight with Anya. At the Bronze, Anya is having a beer with Spike. She tells him how much she misses her vengeance demon powers, which would have allowed her to eviscerate Xander with a mere thought. Spike can relate to that; he says he wishes they could get their vengeance right now (and he could stake Dru). Anya declines any immediate action, but encourages Spike to stake Drusilla. At the party, Roy – one of the guys from Beer Bad – is hitting on a girl, when he puts his hand on the wall. The touch sends him waves of sexual pleasure, freaking him out. Meanwhile, at the other end of the room, Xander starts flirting with Julie, a beautiful redhair who seems to like him… Buffy walks up to Riley and serves him an excuse for them to go back to his room, which they do in a hurry. Meanwhile, Willow and Tara, sitting on the stairs, chat about horseback riding and a bad experience Willow had as a kid. Tara tells Willow she’ll be safe with her, and Willow tenderly puts her hand on Tara’s knee. Tara suddenly recoils, asking Willow not to touch her; as the redhead asks her what’s wrong, Tara retreats to the bathroom upstairs. Anya arrives at the party with Spike – who recognizes some of the Initiative soldiers. An angry Xander demands to know what she’s doing there with him, and they argue. Xander tries to get Spike noticed by calling him “Hostile 17”, but the commandos are oblivious to him. Spike goes to get a beer, and Xander and Anya decide that they’re through – and stomp off in different directions. Xander joins a game of spin-the-bottle, and gets lucky – the bottle stops in Julie’s direction. He modestly pecks her on the cheek, but she climbs over him and kisses him passionately. Suddenly, she stops in shock and runs away, ashamed. A concerned Xander goes to look for her, passing by a group assembled around the orgasmic spot in the wall. He hears her crying in a locked closet, and tries to get her to come out. Inside, Julie is hacking off her hair, crying “I’m bad”. Willow goes to the bathroom to find Tara, but the room is empty – apart from a boy drowning in the bathtub. Willow reaches to save him, but he disappears. Then he reappears behind her, and she screams. In their room, Buffy and Riley hear her, and pause for a second… before resuming their, ahem, activity. Willow finds Xander, who’s looking for Julie’s friends, and tells him about the ghost. Tara arrives, and tells them they should go. Just then, the spinning bottle of beer explodes, sending shards of glass in the players’ faces. The Scoobies decide to warn Buffy, and climb upstairs. They knock on the door, but get no answer – Buffy and Riley are too, ahem, busy. Then vines begin sprouting from the floor and growing to cover the door… Then an earthquake hits, and the partygoers evacuate Lowell House. Spike is glad – the party is starting to liven up. However, he’s soon magically tied to his chair, spilling his beer in the process. He finally frees himself, and joins Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya in their escape. Xander spots a now nearly-bald Julie crying for help, and pulls her outside, where she runs away. Xander decides to go back inside for Riley and Buffy, and Spike volunteers to join him – before remembering that he doesn’t even like them in the first place. He wanders off, and Xander attacks the house alone. He’s promptly thrown out, and suggests they go get Giles. At the Expresso Pump, a group of baby-boomers is listening to a performer singing and playing guitar (“Behind Blue Eyes” by The Who). The performer is Giles, and he’s GOOD. The Scoobies take it all in – Willow’s hanging-jaw expression is priceless – and Xander proclaims he wants to go back to the haunted house. However, Tara and Anya think Giles is good, and so does Willow – once she’s recovered her voice. Giles and the gang go to a library, where they find that from 1949 to 1969, Lowell House was a home for runaways, juvenile delinquents and emotionally disturbed children. Giles, Xander and Anya go to meet with Mrs. Holt, the woman who used to run the place. The old lady says that none of the children died under her care, but that she punished those who were “dirty”. She’d cut off the hair of the girls who showed too much vanity, and forcibly baptized those who had impure thoughts by holding them underwater in the bathtub. A furious Giles accuses Mrs. Holt of ruining the children’s lives, and the gang leaves. One their way back to campus, Giles explains that all the repressed sexual emotions in the house have created some poltergeist, who are drawing energy from Riley and Buffy’s activity. When the couple’s energy is drained, the two will die… At Lowell House, Buffy and Riley are still breathlessly going at it like… lost souls. The Scoobies meet in Willow’s room at Stevenson Hall to attempt a binding spell. Xander and Anya depart, loaded with weapons, intent on hacking their way back inside Lowell House. Giles, Willow and Tara are left to perform the spell, calling on the spirits of the Lowell House kids. Then, when the house is freed, Xander and Anya enter the jungle that is now in the place and hack their way upstairs. Meanwhile, Giles and Tara encourage the spirits to find rest; Willow gives it a personal twist, asking the spirits to “get over it”. However, the spirits have sensed Xander and Anya’s presence (or Willow’s insult) and left to go back to Lowell House. Xander is thrown into the bathroom, and Anya is flung over the stairs down to the living room. Xander gets forced head first into the bathtub; as he starts to drown, he sees the Lowell House kids looking down at him. Meanwhile, Anya has regrouped and started to make her way up the stairs, despite the poltergeist screaming at her and stabbing her hand with a vine. She bursts into the bathroom and saves Xander. The two of them make their way to Riley’s bedroom, where the vines attack them. The couple manages to force the door open, breaking the spell. Seemingly unaware that anything has happened, Buffy chides Xander for not bothering to knock. Exhausted, Xander and Anya look at each other and walk away. The next day, Buffy still can’t believe it… Giles was really singing. Willow comments that it was sexy, and Xander offers to pay her to stop saying that. Switching back to serious matters, Buffy and Riley blame themselves for what happened, but Willow tells them they were under the influence of powerful magic, and comments it must have been horrible. Buffy and Riley exchange a look, and innocently tell her that it was indeed horrible (riiiight). Summary by OttsFiveByFive.

Episode Ratings

Mac - “And they wonder why season 4 is regarded as the least favorite. Watch this episode.”

DJ Angelus -

“Sex is bad, M’Kay. “

Quotes

Key: B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, R=Riley, S=Spike, A=Anya, T=Tara, F=Forrest, G=Graham, J=Julie

B: Okay, you get Fang, I’ll get Horny. I mean…

B: Vampire-Demon tag team. Who says we can’t all get along?

B: Vamps hate demons. It’s like stripes and polka-dots. Major clashing.

B: I mean it now - first thing in the morning, we go tell Giles. R: First thing. Good plan.

X: Anyways, they’ll probably be too busy flirting with every other girl at the party to even notice you. A: So, you don’t think I’m desirable enough to be flirted with? Is that it? X: I’m just not gonna win here, am I?

X: We’ve gone other nights without sex. A: I know. Twice!

X: Anya, there’s a lot more to you and me than the sex. Well, there should be.

A: I don’t understand. I’m pretty, I’m young. Why didn’t you take advantage of me? Is there something wrong with your body? X: There’s nothing wrong with my body. A: Well, there must be. I saw that wrinkled man on TV talking about erectile dysfunction… X: Whoa! Hey! All systems go, here. No function problem, okay? You want sex? Let’s have sex. Right here. Hot, sweaty, big sex!

G: The two of them were working as a team? B: Everything except giving each other little pats on the behind.

B: Think about it - who better to bring together a bunch of demon types than someone who’s made out of a bunch of demon types? T: So, he’s, um, bridging the gap between the races. W: Huh. Like Martin Luther King.

G: As much as I long for a good kegger, I have other plans. The Espresso Pump. T: What are you doing there? G: I’m, uh, it’s a meeting of grown-ups. It couldn’t possibly be of any interest to you lot.

W: They’re probably goin’ to… G: Yes, thank you, Willow. I did attend University in the Mesozoic Era, I do remember what it’s like.

F: Oh, you got to be kidding me. When do these two come up for air? Gr: Slaves to the rhythm.

S: Grrr! A: Aaahh! S: Oh, it’s you. A: Spike! What are you doing? You made me yell really high! S: Hey, yeah, I did. I scared you. Gimme money. A: I’m not paying you for scaring me. S: You’re not paying me. I’m robbing you. A: Oh, well, that’s just ludicrous. You can’t hurt me because you’ve got that chip in your brain. Also, I like my money the way it is… when it’s mine. S: Grrrr! A: Oh, now, come on! You’re not even bumpy anymore! S: Oh. I was just a minute ago. Hang on. Get me mad again. A: Does this really work? Scaring people into giving you their money? S: Yeah, it works. Keeps me in blood and beers. Plus, you know, funny - watching the little humans quail. A: I’m beginning to understand why you’re so friendless. S: Look who’s talking. I don’t see droopy-boy on your arm. Did he have better things to do?

X: It’s kind of embarrassing, which, welcome to the life with Anya.

X: Is it me? Am I the crazy one? B: Uh-huh. Absolutely. W: Hey, Buffy? This might be a good time to mention that someone so not me spilled something purpley on your new peasant top, which I would never borrow without asking. Still love me? B: Uh-huh. Huh? What about my peasant top? W: Nothing.

A: Boy, I miss those powers. S: Yeah. Tell me about it. A: A year and a half ago, I could have eviscerated him with my thoughts. Now I can barely hurt his feelings. Things used to be so much simpler. S: You know… you take the killing for granted. And then it’s gone, and you’re like… I wish I’d appreciated it more. Stopped and smelled the corpses, you know? A: Yeah. Now everything’s complicated. S: It’s a terrible thing, love is. I been there myself. Ended badly. A: Of course it did. It always does. Seen a thousand relationships. First there’s the love and sex, then there’s nothing left but the vengeance. That’s how it works. S: Hey… you and I should just do the vengeance. Both of us. You eviscerate Xander, and I’ll stake Dru. Like a project. A: I don’t know. I just can’t. But you can go do Dru, though. S: Yeah, I will. Maybe later.

X: “Lowell House. 1962.” J: Yes. X: Uh, just, you know, impressing you with my knowledge of local history. Or my knowledge of reading. J: And you didn’t even have to sound anything out! X: You should see me add short columns of small numbers. J: You’re funny. X: Thanks. That is, funny “how amusing”, or funny “back away and avoid eye contact”? J: Kinda both.

B: I need you to take a look at… an essay… for class. R: That essay. right. I’ll catch you guys in a minute. There’s an essay… gotta look at. Gr: And I’m the one who got a “D” in Covert Ops.

W: Horses. Like… big, tall, teeth that can take your arm off horses? T: Well, sure. I learned to ride when I was a kid. It’s fun. And, by the way, most horses don’t like arm very much. W: I had a bad birthday party pony thing when I was four. I look at horses and I see really big ponies.

S: What are you doing? You brought me _here_? X: Anya? What are you doing? You brought _him_ here? S: That’s what I said. Only I hit the “here” part.

X: We had a little fight. that just means that we have to work our way through some stuff. It doesn’t mean that we rebound with the evil undead.

X: Anya, what are you doing with him? A: We didn’t have sex, if that’s what you mean. That’s all I do now, not have sex.

A: It’s the normal part of ending a relationship, right before the vengeance begins. X: Right. No! Vengeance?

A: I’m just trying to tell you that we have nothing in common besides both of us liking your penis, and now I don’t even have that!

X: I’ve put up with a hell of a lot from you, much of that in the last minute…

A: Well then, I’m staying too. To show you how much I’m not bothered by you having fun. Because I’ll be having more fun! X: I’m having fun already! A: Me too! Whoo-hoo!

X: Huh. Sometimes I just don’t get the sophisticated college lifestyle.

W: Ghost boy, drowning in tub. I tried to save him, but… being a ghost already, well, I was way too late.

X: Is every frat on this campus haunted? And if so, why do people keep coming to these parties? ’Cause it’s not the snacks.

W: We have to go back in there. A: Why? X: Because Buffy and Riley are trapped. A: So? She’s a Slayer, he’s a big soldier-boy. What do they need you for? X: Anya, look around. There’s ghosts and shaking, and people are going all Felicity with their hair.

S: I know I’m not the first choice for heroics, and Buffy’s tried to kill me more than once. And I don’t fancy a single one of you at all. But… Actually, all that sounds pretty convincing. I wonder if Asian House is open…

X: I’m going back in there, and I’m not coming out until I bring my friend with me. Or… it could be Watcher-time.

X: Could we go back to the haunted house? Because this is creeping me out. T: Does he do this a lot? X: Sure. Every day the Earth rotates backward and the skies turn orange.

W: Now I remember why I used to have such a crush on him. T: Well, he is pretty good. A: His voice is… pleasant. X: What? W: Come on. He is kinda sexy. X: I’m fighting total mental breakdown here, Will. No more fuel on the fire, please.

G: When you called to Buffy and Riley, they didn’t cry out or respond in any way? A: No. They’re probably dead. X: Unless they were too busy doin’ it to answer. G: Doing what? X: You know, for a god of acoustic rock, you’re… kind of naive.

G: In the midst of all that, do you really think they were keeping it up? Oh, for a different phrasing.

X: Yeah? You smell sin? Well, let me tell you something, lady. She who smelt it, dealt it! It’s like what you said, but faster.

X: So this totally adds to my “old people are crazy” theorem.

X: So, with Buffy and Riley havin’… you know, acts of nakedness around the clock, lately, maybe they set something free. Like a big, bursting poltergasm.

A: What good are weapons against disembodied spirits, Xander? They have no ass to kick.

X: What do you feel? A: Upset, afraid of being without you, and a little hungry. X: I meant about the house. A: Oh. Still haunted.

T: We implore you… be still. G: Find it in your hearts to leave our friends passage. W: Transform your pain. Release your past… and… get over it.

A: Shut up, repressed crybabies!

R: I can’t believe it really happened. B: I just had no idea. It’s so creepy. He was really singing? X: I’d say it was more like crooning. If we grow old together, remind me to skip the mid-life crisis. A: Okay. W: Come on, you have to admit, it was kind of sexy. X: Please stop saying that. I’m willing to offer cash incentives.

B: If Riley and I hadn’t… gotten so wrapped up in each other, none of this would have happened. A: True. Feel shame. X: My girlfriend. Mistress of the learning plateau.

W: It must have been horrible. B: Yeah. Horrible. R: Uh-huh. It was bad.

Credit: The Sunnydale Slayers