Tabula Rasa

Writer: Rebecca Rand Kirshner Director : David Grossman

Cast : Sarah Michelle Gellar as Buffy Summers, Nicholas Brendon as Xander Harris, Emma Caulfield as Anya, Michelle Trachtenberg as Dawn Summers, James Marsters as Spike, Alyson Hannigan as Willow Rosenberg.

Main guest stars : Amber Benson as Tara, Anthony Stewart Head as Rupert Giles, Raymond O¹Connor as Teeth.

Original broadcast date : November 13, 2001

My one-line description: Buffy smiles, for the first time in Season 6. But she¹s not quite Buffy.

A very pensive Buffy is out on patrol in the cemetery, where she runs into Spike. He wants to talk, but she doesn¹t; he reminds her that they kissed, and asks her what she makes of it. She answers that it was a musical spell, vows she¹ll never touch him againŠ and jumps on him, tackling him just as a bolt flies overhead.

The two are confronted by Teeth, a loan shark demon (with the head of a shark) to whom Spike owes forty kittens. Buffy takes care of Teeth¹s minions, who are about to beat the crap out of Spike, and when she turns to chide him, he¹s goneŠ

At the Magic Box, Willow, Tara, Xander and Anya are talking about Buffy being in Heaven, and looking for ways to make her feel better. Willow starts saying that she knows a spell that could help, but Tara interrupts her, outraged at the suggestion. After Xander and Anya diplomatically retreat to give the witches some elbow room, Tara confronts Willow about using that spell on her to forget the fight they had, and accuses her of using too much magic. For the first time, she says that maybe they need some time apart. Terrified at the idea of losing Tara, Willow agrees to go a week without magic.

Meanwhile, in the training room, Giles is breaking sad news to Buffy: he¹s leaving. She takes it very badly, asking him how he can do this to her, now that he know where she¹s been and what¹s happened to her. He softly answers that now is especially a good time for him to force her to rely on her own strength. Coldly telling him he¹s wrong, she walks out.

At the Summers house, Dawn and Tara, ready to leave for the Magic Box, impatiently ask Willow to hurry up. She appears in the staircase, wrapped in a towel, and tells them to go on without her. They leave, and in a split-second, Willow gets dressed ­ magically. She kneels by the lit fireplace and prepares a spell that will make Tara and Buffy forget, respectively, the fight and being in Heaven.

At the Magic Box, the gang gathers for an announcement Giles is about to make. Spike enters, smoke billowing from a really dorky tweed suit he¹s wearing ­ he¹s on the run, hiding from Teeth. After they agree to give the vampire asylum, Giles goes ahead with his announcement ­ he¹s leaving, for good. Buffy is angry, and the Scoobies bring up her being in Heaven and everything. Tearful, she tells them that she can¹t take it anymore, that she feels like she¹s dyingŠ

Just then, the crystal Willow has in her pocket to complete the tabula rasa spell glows bright, and everyone in the Magic Box slips into unconsciousness.

They wake up later on, one after the other. Willow is “snugly wuggly” with Xander, who thinks she might be his girlfriend; Dawn is scared, and Buffy instinctively goes to reassure her. They all look for clues as to their identities- Dawn, Willow, Xander and Tara find theirs, as do Giles and Anya (who conclude from owning the shop together that they¹re married). Spike deduces from his British accent that he¹s Giles¹ son, and opens his jacket to find a sewn-in “Made with love for Randy”. Only Buffy has no identity, so she names herself Joan.

The gang decides to leave the shop and try to get to a hospital. However, when they open the door, they find themselves face to face with some vampires ­ Teeth¹s minions ­ and scream in terror. They barricade themselves inside, but the vampires overrun the shop. “Joan” instinctively starts fighting them and stakes some, marvelling at the fact that she¹s a superheroŠ

The Scoobies devise a plan ­ “Randy” and “Joan” will escape through the front door, providing diversion for Xander, Dawn, Tara and Willow, who will go through the sewers under the shop. Meanwhile, Giles and Anya will remain at the store and try to find a cure in the magic books. Joan and Randy go ahead with their part of the plan, taking on the awaiting vampires. Randy finds out he has superstrength too, vamping out as he fights. Joan sees him in his vamp face and runs away in fear, as he shouts for her to wait for him.

In the sewers, the rest of the Scooby Gang encounter a vampire and have to run away, looking for a hiding place. Meanwhile, in the Magic Box, Anya picks a book and randomly chooses an incantation, which causes a bunny to appear ­ making her scream in fear.

Randy catches up with Joan, and she attacks him, pinning him to the ground. When he asks her what¹s wrong, she suggests he feel his forehead and teethe Realizing that he¹s a vampire, he wonders why he doesn¹t want to kill her. He tells her he must be a noble vampire, a vampire with a soul, but she tells him that¹s a lame concept (teehee). The conversation is interrupted by Teeth and his minions, and the two have to take up the fight once more.

At the Magic Box, Anya is standing on a table, trying out more random spells as legions of bunnies hop across the floor and a dark green cloud forms on the ceiling. Giles, sparring with a skeleton, suggests that she once again has the wrong book.

In the sewers, the Scoobies are hiding from the vampire. Willow asks Dawn how she¹s holding up, and the teen answers that all this seems “strangely familiar”. Willow then confides to Dawn that she thinks she¹s “kinda gay.”

At the Magic Box, Giles and Anya hide behind the counter, still trying to find the right book. Anya nags, and Giles tells her it¹s no wonder he¹s leaving her- he shows her his one-way plane ticket to Heathrow. Finally, they find the right spell, and things in the Magic Box return to normal. Anya begs Giles not to leave her, and they make up, kissing passionately.

In the sewers, Xander fights the vampire and manages to stake it. Then, he accidentally steps on Willow¹s crystal ­ it fell out of her pocket ­ and crushes it, ending the spell. They look at each other, stunned; Tara, realizing what Willow did, gets up and looks at her, an outraged and hurt expression on her face.

At the Magic Box, Giles and Anya get their memories back in mid-kiss, and start cleaning frantically, trying to forget what happened.

Buffy is fighting vampires and enjoying it when all the memories flood back at once ­ her mother¹s death, her own death, being torn out of Heaven ­ and she staggers, incapacitated. The vampires she was fighting take advantage of it, and Spike has to come to her rescue. After he dusts the last of the minions, he offers her his hand to help her up, but she refuses it and coldly walks away.

At the Bronze, Buffy sits at the bar, all alone and miserable, while Michelle Branch sings “Goodbye to You”. As the song goes on, a montage shows Tara packing her things in boxes, while Willow sits on the bathroom floor, weeping silently. In a plane, Giles looks pensive and sad. Spike finds Buffy at the Bronze and looks at her intently, but she looks away. Back at the house, Tara brings the last of her boxes out, and an angry Dawn avoids her. At the Bronze, Michelle Branch ends her song as in a corner, Spike and Buffy kiss passionatelyŠ

Summary by OttsFiveByFive.

Episode Ratings

Mac -

“Funny, but forced a bit too much. And hey, any episode that sees Giles leave gets a stake subtracted automatically.”

Quotes

Key: B=Buffy, G=Giles, X=Xander, W=Willow, S=Spike, A=Anya, T=Tara, D=Dawn, LS=Loanshark

S: Can we talk? B: Vocal cord-wise, yes. With each other, no.

S: We kissed, you and me. All “Gone With the Wind,” with the rising music and the rising… music, and what was that, Buffy? B: A spell? S: Oh, don’t get all prim and proper on me. I know what kind of girl you really are. Don’t I?

LS: There are a lot of things I would like, Mr. Spike. A house in Bel Air with a generously-sized swimming pool. And, of course, the 40 Siamese that you owe me. S: Take it easy, you’ll get your kittens.

LS: She’s funny. I like funny in a girl.

LS: Time, time! Time is what turns kittens into cats.

LS: Look, I don’t want to see anyone get hurt. Boys… B: Then you better close your eyes.

B: If I were to stop saving his life, it would simple things up SO much.

A: Do you think she walked around on clouds, wearing, like, Birkenstocks, and played a harp? ’Cause those are just not flattering. You know, the clunky sandals, not a harp. I mean, who doesn’t look good with a harp?

A: What? I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking, right baby? X: You are attractive and have many good qualities.

X: I just feel weird feeling bad that my friend’s not dead. It’s too mind-boggling. So I’ve decided to simplify the whole thing. Me like Buffy. Buffy’s alive, so, me glad.

X: We need to spend more time with her. Just hang out. Maybe have weekly dinners over here, or, uh, a book club. Short books. Videos!

X: I’m gonna go get that phone. You probably don’t hear it – high-pitched ring, ears like a dog. A: I’m gonna help him with that.

B: Hate suffering. Had about as much of it as I can take.

D: You don’t want to miss the lowdown on our latest featured creature.

D: So what do we got? G: Sorry? D: What kind of oogly-booglies? Lizardy types, or zombies, or vampires, or what? G: There are no oogly-booglies, Dawn.

X: The cold only makes me stronger and more macho-like.

G: Spike? A: Holy moly! S: You need to give me asylum. X: I’ll say.

S: You met him, I believe. Toothy bloke with the baby-seal breath?

A: For real this time? ’Cause, honest-to-Pete, a young shopkeeper’s heart can only take so much.

X: Okay, who are you freaks? W: You don’t know me? X: Not a clue. W: But you were just all like, “Oh, hey.” X: Yeah, ’cause I thought you were a girl and I’d remember, but… W: [checks breasts] Well, I AM a girl.

G: Well, maybe we all got terribly drunk and this is some sort of blackout. D: I don’t think I drink. A: I don’t see any booze. I don’t feel any head bumps. I don’t see Allen Funt.

X: Okay, I’m not panicking. I’m not… I’m not. Stop looking at me like I’m panicking!

B: Maybe something magic happened. G: Magic? [scoffs] Magic’s all balderdash and chicanery.

G: I’m afraid we don’t know a bloody thing… except I seem to be British, don’t I? Oh, and a man. With glasses. Well, that narrows it down considerably.

G: We’ll get our memory back and it’ll all be right as rain. S: Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He’s got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy-boy accent. You Englishmen are always so… Bloody hell. Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bullocks. Oh, god. I’m English. G: Welcome to the nancy-tribe. S: You don’t suppose you and I… we’re not related, are we? A: There is a ruggedly handsome resemblance. G: And you do inspire a particular feeling of familiarity and disappointment. [indicates self] Older brother? S: [snickers] Father. Oh god, how I must hate you. G: What did I do? S: There’s always something. And what’s with the trollop? A: Hey! G: Her? S: I saw you sleeping together. G: _Resting_ together.

S: Oh, great – a tarty step-mother who’s half old Daddy’s age. A: Tarty? G: Old?

W: I’m Willow Rosenberg. Huh, Willow. Funny name.

S: Rupert. [laughs] G: You’re not too old to put across my knee, you know, sonny.

G: Anyway, what did I call you? S: [looks at jacket label] “Made with care for Randy.” Randy Giles? Why not just call me “Horny Giles” or “Desperate-for-a-shag Giles”? I knew there was a reason I hated you.

G: This is our magic shop? Well, that’s very, um, progressive of me.

D: So, you don’t have a name? B: Of course I do. I just don’t happen to know it.

B: I’ll name me… Joan. D: Ugh. B: What? Did you just “ugh” my name? D: No. I just… I mean, it’s so blah. “Joan”? B: I like it. I feel like a Joan.

[in unison] B: Boy, you’re a pain in the… D: Boy, you’re bossy… D: Do you think we’re…? B: Sisters?

S: You never showed me affection like that. I’d wager.

S: Dad can drive. He’s bound to have some classic mid-life crisis transport. Something red, shiny, shaped like a penis.

B: Monsters are real. Did we know this?

Vamp: Send out Spike. G: They seem to want spikes. S: Oh! [gets stakes] Let’s give ’em these.

X: Now, I’m not sure what I am, so bear with me here. Now I lay me down to sleep… Shema Israel… Ommmm, ommmm…

B: Hey, stay away from Randy! [stakes Vamp] D: Whoa! W: What did you just do? B: I don’t know. But it was cool!

B: I think I know why Joan’s the boss. I’m like a superhero or something.

A: I have to protect the cash register, and do some spells.

B: Ready, Randy? B: Ready, Joan. G: Oh, son? Come here, um, please. [awkward hug] S: Right. G: Good, then.

S: Hey, I’m a superhero, too! Joan, where are you going?

G: Which book shall we start with? A: This is the book for us. G: Oh, good. Does it focus on mind control or memory loss? A: Not exactly. I just, um, my intuition tells me this is the book, and I figure, being a magic shop owner, and a natural at the supernatural, I should trust my intuition. G: That’s true. But as you recall, I, too, am a magic shop owner. A: True. But my intuition says that you’re not so much the magic guy and more of a paperwork type. Okay, here we go. [opens book at random] G: But you don’t even know… A: “Bare bare himble gemination.” [rabbit pops into existence] A: [screams]

B: You’re a vampire. S: I, me, a vampire? No. B: Check the lumpies and the teeth. S: [feels fangs] B: I kill your kind. S: And I bite yours. So how come I don’t want to bite you? And why am I fighting other vampires? I must be a noble vampire. A good guy, on a mission of redemption. I help the helpless. I’m a vampire with a soul. B: A vampire with a soul? Oh my god, how lame is that?

G: Perhaps we should try another book? A: No. This book made the little fluffers, this book’s gonna send them back. I’ve got it this time. Okay, “Himble abri. Abri voyon.” [another bunny pops into existence] G: Yes, dear.

S: I’m a hero, really. I mean, to be cast such an ugly lot in life, and then to rise above it. To seek out better, nobler things. It’s inspirational, isn’t it? And the two of us – natural enemies thrown together, to stand against the forces of darkness. Utter trust. No thought of me biting you, no thought of you staking me. B: Depends on how long you keep on yapping.

G: Clearly, that is not a helpful book, darling. Come down and we’ll go about fixing this in a sensible fashion. A: Sensible? You think it’s sensible for me to go down into that pit of cotton-top hell, and let them hippety-hop all over my vulnerable flesh?

G: Well fine, then just stay up there and keep making bunnies. It’s a capital plan. A: What capital? I never know what you’re talking about. Loo, shag, brolly, what the hell is all that? G: What? There’s no way that you could remember me saying any of those words. A: Oh, bugger off, you brolly.

B: Note to self: learn to duck.

G: Get a different book! Put that book down, do you hear! Not.. that… book!

W: How you doin’, Dawn? D: I’m okay. It’s scary, but weirdly, kinda familiar. W: I know what you mean. D: How are you? W: A little confused. I mean, I’m all sweaty, and trapped, no memory, hiding in a pipe from a vampire… and I think I’m kinda gay.

G: Look what you’ve done, you lunatic woman! A: Don’t blame me, you snobby, snotty, thinks-he’s-so-great kind of jerk… and I feel compelled to take some vengeance on you! [hits him with book] G: Ow! God, no wonder I’m leaving you.

Vamp: I smell fear. And it smells good.

G: I’m so sorry, dear. A: No, Rupy, I’m sorry. You were right. That was the wrong book.

A: Don’t leave me. G: Oh, Anya. [they kiss]

X: Hey, over here, big guy. Check out this throbbing jugular.

X: [laughs] Sorry, I just got back the memory of seeing “King Ralph”.

G: Well, this place certainly needs a good tidying. A: Oh, yes. Yes. Yes.

S: From dust.. to dust.

LS: You’re an odd duck, Mr. Spike. Fighting your own kind, palling around with a Slayer, and whoa-oh! that suit! Chutzpah must be your middle name.

“Good-Bye to You”, Michelle Branch Of all the things I believed in I just wanna get it over with Tears warm behind my eyes But I do not cry Counting the days that pass me by

I’ve been searching deep down in my soul Words that I’m hearin’ Are starting to get old Feels like I’m starting all over again The last three years were just pretend And I said

Good-bye to you Good-bye to everything that I knew You were the one I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I used to get lost in your eyes And it seems that I can’t live a day without you Closing my eyes And you chase my thoughts away To a place where I am blinded by the light But it’s not right

Good-bye to you Good-bye to everything that I knew You were the one that I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And it hurts to want Everything and nothing at the same time I want what’s yours and I want what’s mine I want you But I’m not giving in this time

Good-bye to you Good-bye to everything that I knew You were the one that I loved The one thing that I tried to hold on to The one thing that I tried to hold on to

Good-bye to you Good-bye to everything that I knew You were the one that I loved…

Credit: The Sunnydale Slayers