Lord of the Geeks: The Return of the King — “Damage” : The Rant

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Warning: Spoilerish to the amount of 10.

Matt: Welcome one and all to another RANT…this time my esteemed collegue and myself will be talking about “Damage”.

Eric: We did a really good rant yesterday but dataflame lost it, so today you get a crappy one.

Matt: They drive me nuts….like Connor nuts. It’s that bad, I swear.

Eric: …or Cordy.

Matt: So what was up with the episode last night? Was that fun or what?

Eric: It wasnt last night, dude.

Matt: Oh right, dataflame…bastards.

Matt: We get Andrew’s return, a whacked out slayer…Spike without hands….t’was all good.

Eric: I watched Berman and Berman with Jennifer. But I did make up my own Angel episode yesterday. Can we rant on it?

Matt: Ok…give me the skinny.

Eric: Ok, it starts with Fred…she’s in the shower. Then Willow comes in, and Buffy…and maybe I shouldn’t finish.

Matt: No…no….go ahead. But wait…I need the vasoline.

Eric: Ok. *Waits for Matt*

Matt: *comes back with vasoline*

Eric: *ewwwwwww*

Matt: It’s not what you think! I have dry skin!

Eric: …Then there was something about me and a 10 mega pixel digital camera. And I think we saved the world and some shanshu stuff, I forget, but trust me it rocked.

Matt: Interesting. Now can we get out of your fantasy world and into…um…the other one….?

Eric: Ok…so Buffy and Willow and Anya were in a shower…. Oh wait you didn’t mean my other fantasy world did you?

Matt: *starts reading the paper*

Eric: *snatched paper from Matt* Anyway…ANDREW ROCKS.

Matt: Man, Andrew made me think “Buffy”, ya know? I know Spike has been on Angel since the beginning of the season, but he’s never made it FEEL like a Buffy episode before. Andrew did.

Eric: Yeah, I would love to see him come back. He made the episode.

Matt: But what was with the HAIR? Looked like he fell on a mop.

Eric: I didn’t mind the hair.

Matt: I liked the fact that he was dressed like a watcher.

Eric: It was part of the 82% more manlyness. And Wes was the only one at W&H that Andrew noted as possibly good.

Matt: At this moment, I would much rather watch a new Buffy series involving Giles putting together a new watcher’s council with Andrew, and seeing the others in various countries, then watch Angel grey the lines at W&H.

Eric: I want both.

Matt: Sure…I’d take both if I could.

Eric: I would really love to see both running together.

Matt: Yeah…unfortunently SMG thinks she has a movie career.

Eric: We dont need her, she’s a dime a dozen now.

Eric: He’s alive Frodo, He’s alive.

Matt: Why couldn’t Tony Head come to Angel anyway? Really? Or Nick Brendon? They aren’t doing anything.

Eric: Why not Tom Lenk?

Matt: Agreed. The only two that probably couldn’t full time are Aly and Sarah. The rest could….they don’t have careers right now anyway.

Eric: Exactly, but the problem is money. Damn it, why don’t they work for free???

Matt: I would. Hell, I’d be a boom mic operator if Joss was in the same room. I’d be his go’for. Get you some more coffee, Mr. Whedon?

Eric: Kiss your feet, Mr. Whedon? *Laughs at Matt*

Matt: But anyway…back to the damn episode. How cool was Dana, the lunatic slayer?

Eric: I liked her, like Faith, with better people skills. Ok, maybe Faith is friendlier.

Matt: Friendlier in that, “I want your sex, and then I want your heart…literally” sort of way.

Eric: Let’s Skip the Dana stuff and the obvious Spike “not the evil man” and go back to Andrew. This ep should be called “Andrew the Watcher”. He made the episode.

Matt: Yes, yes. His Buffy references and his LotR references were great. We get that. But there is something to be said about the Spike thing. Why couldn’t it have been Spike? I mean, we know he used to do those things to people. So why not use it there? He even told Dawn a similiar story once.

Eric: Please…I dont think Drug torture is his thing.

Matt: I didn’t say that….but it was eerily similiar to the story he told Dawn. Killing a family, and then finding a little girl and then….*Buffy walks in* he let her go, and they lived happily ever after. You know the story. It was pretty close. So I just think they could’ve used that here.

Eric: Yes, they could have, but I dont think it matched. Spike wasn’t in California 15 years ago if I am not mistaken.

Matt: I think Joss is too afraid of making Spike bad in anyway, or he’ll get complaints from Spike lunatics.

Eric: I agree. I think that Spike should have been the one.

Matt: Oh well…it’s too late now. Joss has no balls.

Eric: Angel has had his vilification, now it was Spike’s turn.

Matt: Almost every episode since Buffy season 6 has been about digging deeper into Spike’s “depth” as a character. Haven’t we seen this enough? Can’t we ever talk about anyone else? Can’t the message boards talk about somebody else? Can’t we just TALK ABOUT ANYONE?…

Sorry. Tangents are me.

Eric: Andrew’s alive Frodo, he’s alive!

Matt: For the 15th time, Andrew was great. We get it.

Eric: I have always loved Spike, more so evil, but I do think they spend too much time on him. And that is from a SPIKE fan (Not a Spuffy fan).

Matt: Thank you.

Eric: I want More Wes, and Fred, and Lorne, and Dare I say Gunn?

Matt: Never say we want more Gunn again, or I’m leaving the room.

Eric: Oh look! A bear!

Matt: I’m not falling for that this time.

Eric: *Recieves $500 fine from national comedy association for over-used joke*

Matt: Ok….let’s hit the ending. Andrew tells Angel that it’s on Buffy’s orders that he takes Dana. And that the scoobs don’t think the fang gang are playing on the right side anymore. Was that or was that not the single coolest scene ever?

Eric: Oh yes. Andrew said, “Angel here’s your pride. See me wiping my ass with it.”

Matt: Was it Gunn or Wes who said, “You’re just gonna let him have her?”

Eric: I don’t remember.

Matt: …Like he had a choice with a dozen slayers in the way. That’s hillarious. Like Angel and the gang could’ve stopped them.

Eric: I know.

Matt: I mean, a dozen slayers killed hundreds of Turok-Han, for pete sakes.

Eric: Those slayers would have ripped them a new one. The cool thing was that Andrew used the Fang Gang the whole episode to get the slayer.

Matt: Right. He knew what he was doing. Which tells me, he certainly was learning from the master of know-how, one Mr. Rupert F’N Giles.

Eric: Not to mention that the boy had the weapons.

Matt: Yep. Andrew certainly was ready for everything in this episode. Even acting as though he was still the completely idiotic kid he used to be. But that ending proved otherwise.

Eric: Yup. He is still Andrew, but he is a watcher first.

Eric: We might just have to start Andrews lumpy noggin.

Matt: Oh great…another section I have to make. STOP, for the LOVE of GOD!

Eric: *Turns up the electricity in Matt’s “work” chair*

Matt: I’m ready for a beer, so let’s hit the all in alls and go home…

Eric: Ok…all in all, this was the second best episode of the season, right behind lineage. I give it a 9.8.

Matt: I totally agree. All in all, it was the 2nd best episode (again, right behind Lineage…and not too far behind it either). I gotta go with a 9.8.

Matt: We’re off to get hammered….we’ll see you all next week when we rant and yammer on about the 100th episode!

Matt: This is the end.

Eric: Or is it?

Matt’s Rating: 9.8
Eric’s rating: 9.8
Overall: 9.8