HMC’s EXCLUSIVE Interview with Drusilla!

She's the high priestess of darkness, the visionary minister of vampires, and generally insane….she's Drusilla. I just happened to be in a back alley in Prague (don't ask why) when I found her having supper. That dude didn't look so hot. Luckily she was full when I talked to her. Much to my surprise, she granted me an exclusive interview!

HMC: Thanks for talking with me.

Dru: *stares blankly*

HMC: Yes, well….anyway…..it's been awhile since anyone has seen you. What have you been up to?

Dru: The moon says my meatpies aren't done yet, but they will be fresh when they come out of the oven.

HMC: That sounds tasty. So you've been baking recently? I take it you're into the culinary arts?

Dru: You speak quickly. It's not particularly kind to do so….but I can see you strung up on a tree. The branches don't like you either.

HMC: Uh huh. So you left Sunnydale back in 2001. Have you been in Prague this entire time?

Dru: Places, places….my places. I placed a call to a turtle one time, but he was slow to get to the telephone. They are all the same.

HMC: Turtles?

Dru: What are you talking about?

HMC: I….honestly…I don't know.

Dru: My mum told me the tree would slap you and yet it has not done so. This is veeeeeery disappointing. I do not like it.

HMC: I'm sorry. Moving on, have you seen Spike lately? You do know he was dead for a bit there, right?

Dru: My bad boy was bruised quite nicely in the fire. That disgusting soul he got keeps him bruised. It's a pity…I am sad for him.

HMC: Yes, we're all sad we had to see that too. The soul part, I mean….not the burning up.

Dru: I like you.

HMC: Thanks…?

Dru: I told him to be in love with a Slayer would not be healthy for him, but he doesn't listen to the stars or to Peter.

HMC: Who's Peter?

Dru: *pulls out a dead rabbit from her coat*

HMC: Eww. I really, really wish I hadn't asked.

Dru: Peter says Spike is still helping Angelus. Two souls together as one.

HMC: That sounds like you're saying they're gay….?

Dru: Peter says if the shoe fits….

HMC: Interesting theory.

Dru: ….eat it.

HMC: Would you want Spike back if he wanted to come back?

Dru: Oh, I don't think so…no. Peter is by far a more interesting companion. And the stars have never betrayed me like my beautiful Spike did, no. Plus, he clearly loves Angelus. It's obvious, isn't it?

HMC: The more you say it, the more I'm starting to believe it.

Dru: Yes, I do believe I will have those meatpies soon.

HMC: I'm happy to hear that.

Dru: Would you care to have a bite?

HMC: Will Peter be joining us?

Dru: Don't be silly, he's a dead rabbit.

From there, Dru and I went to a schoolyard where we laid face-down on the ground, as she explained to me that if we dig hard enough we'll find the meatpies. Needless to say, I should've expected that.