Eat Me, Hitler! — “Why We Fight” : The Rant

Disclaimer: All characters from Angel are a copyright of Mutant Enemy, Inc and 20th Century Fox. This article can not be reproduced without expressed consent by Um Err Productions or Black Swan, Inc.

Warning: Spoilerish to the amount of 10.DISCLAIMER: This week’s edition contains language that may not be suitable for everyone.

Welcome ladies and germs to another addition of Rants from The Crypt! This week Cappy and I discuss “Why We Fight”.

*Eric and Matt wake up from their sleeping bags…*

Eric: *goes outside and eats the mail man*

Eric: Hey now, I am the Mail Man! You must call me mail man. I ate the mail man, therefore I become him.

Matt: If I eat a pizza, can I become a pizza?

Eric: If you did, I would eat you. Then I would be a pizza mail man. A Matt Pizza Mail Man.

Matt: And if I ate you, I would be eating a Matt Pizza Mail Man Eric Me.

Eric: But you couldnt cause you would be dead.

Matt: Right.

Eric: Wait…what if you sired the pizza so you could eat it over, and over again? Then I would have ate a Half man-half pizza Matt. So I would be a Half man half pizza Matt Mail Man.

Matt: Ok….I’ve lost my concentration.

Eric: Look at all the stars, Mattie. They shine so brightly. I want to pluck them all down and kill them. *shakes head* Did you say something about concentration?

I liked the episode pretty well, although I hated that this jerk off sub guy got more screen time than Wes and Fred, and that laywer guy…Pistol I think his name is.

Matt: Yeah….*looks at audience* Yeah, this guy is the Black Swan President.

Matt: So how about the brunette doo on Spike?

Eric: Brown Spike was just weird.

Matt: You know how many Spike fans it takes to screw in a light bulb?

Eric: How many? You have no idea, do you?

Matt: None of them…they were too busy figuring out who that guy with brown hair was to fix a bulb.

Eric: How many Angel fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Matt: How many?

Eric: 4. One to screw it in, the other 3 to put the 1st one’s head out when all that nancy boy hair gel catches on fire. They should know not to get that close to open heat sources.

Matt: Oh yes…good, good.

Eric: Know how many Connor fans it takes to screw in a light bulb?

Matt: I would say none, because there aren’t any.

Eric: Exactly. Glad we could agree.

Matt: Yeah, that’s rare….like you showering.

Eric: …or you getting laid.

Matt: Exactly.

Eric: All in all, I say that joke segment wasn’t very funny and definitely pointless, moving on…

Matt: All in all I say we really thought this was a blah episode, and have nothing interesting to say about it….thus the extremely lame jokes.

Eric: All in all, I concur. What about that cheesy ending? Spike and Angel let out a big hunk of chedder with that one.

Matt: Yeah….PURPOSE…whoopy.

Eric: Um, no, he came back because he was messed up and wanted us to question siring Cannon the fuck tard. The episode would have been better without Navy boy. The whole idea of that just seems tired.

Matt: The episode would’ve been better without those guys….what’s their names….oh yeah, that Angel guy and Spike guy.

Eric: Everytime the story needs filler on Angel, some vampire he sired comes back.

Matt: Yeah, rehash ‘r’ us.

Eric: Next episode is just about Wes, Fred, Gunn and Lorne.

Matt: It should be. What did they do during filming? Jenga?

Eric: They proabbly don’t mind, not like their pay goes down, but I miss them. They are my friends.

Matt: Must I call the Normal Again men again?

Eric: *Retreats to the holodeck for an Angel program, Barclay Style*

*Comes back, more pompus than ever* I stopped the rain of fire.

Matt: *under breath* Shit…I thought I got rid of him.

Eric: *under breath* I can hear you dumb ass.

Matt: *under breath* Shit…he can hear me.

Eric: *under breath* Yes I can use the force, Luke, use the foooorrrccceeeee….


*BEEP BEEP BEEP*

“And now this announcement from HMC….”

Disclaimer: Some comments by Eric Hendrix are a © of Lucas Film Ltd.

“This has been an announcement from HMC…”


Matt: So now that the lawsuit is still pending, should we go hit the bar?

Eric: Ok, ok, let’s go get smashed and arrested for lude and unbecoming conduct.

Matt: Sounds good to me! Get the vasoline! I’ll get the choke chain!

Eric: *backs slowly away* You must have me confused with someone. I usually just streak.

Matt: Before you jump out the window, let’s get to the all in alls!

Eric: All in all, I say this was a decent filler, with some funny lines. I give it a 7.

Matt: All in all, I thought it was kinda BLAH with some decent lines and a dumb ending…I give it a 7 as well.

Matt: So like….subs, man.

Eric: Subs.

Matt: Yeah. And…

Eric: …the prince of lies.

Matt: Yeah.

Eric: …and tacky Angel footwear.

Matt: Yeah.

Eric: Yeah.

*looking at each other, looking at the audience, looking at each other, looking at the audience…walks out of the room.*

Well, that’s it for this week. Next week….PUPPETS! Smell the upcoming Jim Henson jokes.

Matt’s Rating: 7.0
Eric’s Rating: 7.0
Overall: 7.0