Get Your Hand Out of My Ass. — “Smile Time” : The Rant

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Warning: Spoilerish to the amount of 10.

DISCLAIMER: This week’s edition contains language that may not be suitable for everyone.
Welcome one and all, we’re dressed and ready for another rant (ok, not dressed but who cares, you can’t see us anyway!). This week we discuss “Smile Time”!

*puppet Matt walks into the room…*

*Followed by Puppet Eric*

Matt: HEY KIDS! Are you ready for the RAAAAANTTT????!!! *dances like a tool*

Eric: We got caught looking through Joss’s stuff again, he did this. Better that the time he made us Marti’s bitches.

Matt: True. Holy shit, she’s aggressive. Feel pity for Marsters, he had to deal with that for like 3 years.

Matt: My felt itches.

Eric: At least they made my you know the right size. *looks at Matt’s crotch laughing* I hope that is to scale.

Matt: Hey! It’s cold!

Eric:…bot that cold. Plus, we’re felt.

Matt: Don’t you have some some love song to sing for the kiddies about you and Jon on that gay cruise? I think it goes something like, “Jon-Jon, and E-E, play, play with my pee-pee”.

*just realizes*

I ONLY HAVE 3 FINGERS! What the hell?!!!!

Eric: Umm Matt, you weren’t supposed to tell…. I mean…what do you mean, song???

*Glances at TV*

Eric: Is it me, or is Miss Piggie suddenly really hot?

Matt: I bet she’s a great porker.

Eric: *chortle* Look at the rump on her.

Matt: You know what the creepiest part of that episode was? Ratio being shot serveral times by Fred. There was something creepy about him beeping and the fluff flying.

Eric:…AND still fighting. What gives? He was like a Purple Jason Vorhees.

Matt: Of course, seeing Gunn chop off Rufus’ head wasn’t a normal thing to see either.

Eric: You obvously don’t watch enough Sci-Fi.

Matt: I didn’t see a “No animals were harmed in the making of this episode” tag. Watch out Joss, here comes the ASPCA.

“NO CRUELITY TO ANIMALS!”

“But it was a puppet!”

*chops off Joss’ head*

“How does that feel, asshole!”

Matt: But I agree with Polo about one thing…SCREW EDUTAINMENT!

Eric: YES, SCREW EDUTAINMENT! I dont want my daughter learning. I didnt learn on TV. I want my daughter to see cartoon violence…and do you know why?

Matt: Why?

Eric: Because Tom and Jerry never sucked the life out of anyone.

Matt: Good point. But I bet Jessica Rabbit could suck…well…um…nevermind.

Eric: *points to body* Dude, your felt, it’s not like you can get…you know…

…Ummmm What are we gonna do about Joss Dude?

Matt: What do you mean what are we gonna do?

Eric: You cut his head off.

Matt: No, no…that was just an impression of the ASPCA….and maybe my future if he doesn’t get to finishing the Firefly movie!

Eric: Umm…then who’s head did you cut off?

Matt: Oh, it was just Justin Timberlake. Don’t worry, no one will miss him.

Eric: Dude, Justin is in your dressing room, like always. I think you killed Jonathan.

Matt: Damn. Oh well…what’s he done for me lately?

Eric: We have to put it back. Is there a Gepetto in the house?

Matt: OH! OH! I took a sewing class…..err…I mean…..karate class in college! Nevermind…I don’t know how…..yeah, that’s the ticket.

Eric: *Grabs Jon’s head and duct tapes…. leaves room*

*Comes back as a fully duct-taped Jon runs in fear*

Eric: I think he’s mad.

Matt: Bye Jon….sorry about that whole ‘chopping off your head to make a stupid joke’ thing!

Matt: Hey! Busty Nina was back! You know, Angel needs to date more. He dates less than me. And that’s saying something.

…..So like….should we get into the whole deal of Angel being cancelled? Or rather figure out a way to get out of this puppet spell? Cause I’m chaffing bad, dude.

Eric: Right now we deal with the puppet spell. We will deal with the corporate puppets another time *prays the the gods of UPN*.

Matt: UPN = Uh, please, NOOOO!!!

Matt: I bet if we say “Doublemeat Palace was good” three times, we go back to normal!

Eric: …or explode into flames.

Matt: Could be worse. Could be Howard Dean’s campaign manager.

Eric: How about we just give Joss back his boxers and maybe he will turn us back?

Matt: Sounds good to me.

*gets Joss out of the closet*

*hands him his boxers*

Joss: Thank God….I was freezing in there!

Eric: Send him home, perv.

Matt: Alright, alright. *sinks head* You’re free to leave, Mr. Whedon. *pout*

*Joss skips away like a school girl, naked, holding his boxers*

Matt: The transformation must be working! I can feel my penis again!!!!!!!

*transforming*

Eric: Hey, I can feel it too!

Matt: Get your hand off my penis!

Eric: On mine…perv.

Matt: Oh…right.

Eric: That’s your hand, where it always is…I might add.

Matt: I have jock itch. *rolls eyes*

Wes and Fred…..Wed….Fres. Finally. That only took almost 3 years.

Eric: FINALLY, I wish we could see them together longer. This episode is automatically a 10 because of the Wed Shipper Factor.

Matt: I wouldn’t go that far, but it was great to see them together. It should’ve happen long ago, like Season 3. But you know….Joss ‘Mr. Pain’ Whedon likes that sort of stuff.

Eric: Yes he does. I agree, but an ep that sees Wed good-ness gets two bonus points.

Whedon (from outside): HEY! Don’t critisize me! I’m a GOD! *strolls to car naked*

Matt: All in all, I loved Wes and Fred, some moments were weird and creepy, some were hillarious….it’s a hard one to judge….but I’ll give it an 8.0.

Eric: Like I said earlier, a funny ep, pretty puppets and WES AND FREAKIN’ FRED! I give it a 10.

Matt: 10????!!!

Eric: Yes, a 10.

Matt: So to you, this is the best ep of the season?

Eric: No.

Matt: We didn’t give anything else a 10.

Eric: I told you earlier, it gets 2 bonus points for being a wes-fred thing. I give it an 8.4 + 2. So it ends up being a 10.

Matt: Ok…I need to shower. I feel like I fell in a giant cotton ball.

That’s all for today…we’ll see you next week when we rant about “A Hole In The World”!

Matt’s Rating: 8.0
Eric’s Rating: 10.0
Overall Rating: 9.0